PLD Chapter 26

"CHAPTER 26: The Ups and Downs of Life"

Sub-Entry 251: "Setsubun":
It's official. Even though the "Holidays" are over. That doesn't mean the end of holidays. Once again we're going into the month and lead off with another holiday. This time it was one of Bunnie's Jangese celebrations. And that's without counting Groundhog Day a mere 24 hours ago. Go figure.

"So many holidays in the year."

"It never gets stagnate, let me tell you what." I replied to Asriel, feeling a sudden and unexplainable appreciation for propane at the moment.

"This one is Setsuban, right? Sensei's holiday from her homeland?"

"Correct, little man."

"She never did explain it to me. What is it again? How is it celebrated."

As always I just happened to have a pamphlet to explain things. It read, and I quote:

"Setsubun is marked by a traditional ceremony intended to cleanse away the evil of the previous year and drive away disease-carrying spirits known as "Mameki" (literally translated as bean-throwing). While traditional Jang practice involves the household's "toshitoko" (the male born on the corresponding year of the Xingese zodiac or head male of the family) performs this ceremony, in light of things Bunnie Mei Rabbotou performs the ceremony.

he ceremony consists of using roasted soybeans (fortune beans known as fuku mame) are either thrown out the doorway of the household (in this case Rabbot Dojo) or at a corresponding member of the family (in this case a male member of Rabbot Dojo's exchange student class) wearing an oni (ogre demon) mask while attendees chant in the Jang Language

"Oni wa soto! Fuku wa uchi!" (Translated: "Evil demons out! Good luck in!").

As part of facilitating bringing good luck in, it is customary to eat roasted soybeans--one for each year of one's life plus one additional one to represent the year of good luck."

"Amazing!"

We reached the area of the Rabbotou Dojo mansion-temple complex where it was being hosted. As a courtessey, Bunnie had some foreign exchange students from Jang flown in. Six of them--all humans--helped assist with the ceremony. The rituals, the taiko drums, and all the other details. It was my understanding that they were modern samurai alumni from Bunnie's past. One of them was said to be heir to the Shiba Clan--the very clan that had ties to the Rabbotou Clan. The very same that had granted them their mansion temple in their native home in Jang.

"Wow!"

"You know this is a favorite time of year for our mutual favorite camera-rabite."

"Wrench?"

"The same."

"Why's that?"

"You'll see." I said with a wink and a grin.

Earlier last night, Bunnie's foreign friends had arrived at the airport. They stayed in the guest house of Rabbotou Dojo and spend early this morning preparing.

"Golly! It's already crowded!" Asriel just then noticed the noise and the crowd. There was a lot of overlapping conversations and cheer in Jangese. I could see the Taiko Drums being set up. Bunnie hadn't made her appearance yet.

Asriel looked up at me.

"I'm not really sure what to expect. The pamphlet explained a lot but..."

"I guess you'll just have to be surprised." I mussed his head fur a bit.

As we waited, Bunnie's out-of-town friends started setting up at the taiko drums.

And then the moment arrived. Bunnie exited the temple in ornate ceremonial robes. In light of the lack of a living male member of the Rabbotou Clan, Bunnie never hesitated to take up the roles of the other gender. To the uninformed, it probably wouldn't even have mattered unless Bunnie or someone Jangese had brought it up.

Speaking of the Jangese, no longer were Bunnie and Bunnette the only ones in town. In recent years, out town would get an unexpected appearance by, of all things, a kitsune; the Japanese fox spirt.

For the longest time, the closest kitsune we had was our active leader, Miles (what with having two tails). But a Hybrid with an extra tail mutation being a kitsune was up for debate. Go figure.

I digress. The kitsune in question was a many-tailed fox that went by Shinju. She had remained curled up in the lap of another Jangese immigrant--a warrior of the Order of the Flame named Ashitaka. A modern samurai of the "Elegant Brush Style" that had evolved into Bunnie's martial science.

For public apperance during and after the ceremony, he had donned the robes and padded vest of a komusou (Zen Buddhist monk of sorts), complete with a woven basket helmet covering for the face and carried a shakuhachi (Jangese bamboo flute).

And yet Shinju wasn't the only kitsune there. A while most kitsune from Jang were the red-furred variety, in attendence was the rare black-furred breed who was known as Suzuka. A five-tailed fox spirit and Shinju's daughter, no less.

Soon the ceremony was under way.

"鬼わ外！福わ内 ! 鬼わ外！福わ内 ! 鬼わ外！福わ内 ! 鬼わ外！福わ内 !"

The chant went up as Bunnie began the scattering of the fuku mame in the direction of the volunteer who had chosen to play the part of the "Oni" (ogre).

"Oooooh." Asriel watched by my side.

"Heh." I smirked.

The ceremony and blessings continued with the taiko drums in full rhythem, the sights and the sounds at their peek.

"So what did you mean about Wrench, earlier?"

"Have a look for yourself." I pointed to the ground where large numbers of the scattered beans had landed. Sure enough our favorite rabite was having quite the feast.

"If you believe that it's lucky to eat soybeans--one for each year of your life and additional ones for each year of good luck--then I'd say Wrench is the luckiest one of us all."

We all had a good laugh while Wrench had himself a good meal.

Afterwards Bunnie introduced us all to her six alumni; each of them a student and practitioner of the ways of the samurai. In order, playing taiko, otsuzumi, and kotsuzumi drums: "Takeru Shiba, Ryunosuke Ikenami, Mako Shiraishi, Chiki Tani, Kotoha Hanori...and the one wearing the oni mask is Genta Umemori."

Asriel bowwed, greeted, and made introductions as Bunnie had taught him.

Strange...it was like I had met them on another world...a world of samurai...or maybe it was sentai...? Then again...Bunnie's brush style always felt...familiar, too.

All day we got acquainted and enjoyed our time out. By tomorrow everyone had to leave for Jang and it would be just another day from there on out.

Sub-Entry 252: "February is the Armpit of the Year...":
Three words:

Being. Sick. Sucks.

That's right. Even an immortal, time-traveling werewolf is not immune to the common cold, flu, or sinus/respiratory infection.

To clarify my previous three word statement, let me break it down for you. You don't feel like yourself. Your temper's shorter. You lose all sense of taste for even your favorite foods. The aches. The pains. The fact that your throat feels like the aftermath of burning napalm. And all the other gross symptoms which make you feel like your body turned against itself, even though it's only doing what it must give the virus a forceful eviction.

I've learned there's one comfort above all others. Misery loves company. I mean...if you're going to be ill (and not in the rapper sense), you might as well not be the only one sick.

"Bless you, Volt." *sniffle*

"Thanks."

For argument's sake, try to read our words with a stuffy nose and sore throat dimisioning the coherency somewhat.

"Hope your folks don't mind you being tended to away from home." I said, having relieved my nasal passages and added to the growing wastebasket of tissues.

"It was my idea... *SNEEZE* ...Mom can't afford to get sick. As a doctor, a lot of people are depending on her for surgeries and stuff."

"Awww." *coughing fit*

At that moment, Elektra walked in with trays of food and medication. Immediately I spied the Bio-Cort injections. So did Asriel...because he ducked under the covers upon sight.

"Little guy's afraid of needles."

"You were too, Dad. Don't think Grandma Nermal didn't tell an embarassing story or two."

"I...don't know what you're talking about." *sniffle*

"Do you want me to tell Asriel about how you used to hide in the wall socket to get out of--"

"You wouldn't dare!" I whined.

"Oh! Hey! You brought noodle soup!" Asriel tried to change the subject.

"Indeed. Chicken, broth, and noodles. No carrots or celery. Just like you like, Dad. But Asriel...the both of you aren't getting out of your anti-inflammatory injections. Trust me, they'll relieve a lot of sinus and chest pressure."

I sighed.

"I hate to admit when the doctor's right, but there's no winning this argument, Azzy." *SNEEZE* "Ughh..."

"Being sick is the worst." Asriel looked about in tears.

"Your first experience with stomach sickness...sorry, little guy."

"I never want to do that again."

Asriel laid his head back. "If this is what Chara put herself through--"

"No, Asriel. What she did to herself was far worse. This is just... *cough cough cough* ...something that will cure itself in time."

"If just being this level of sick is this bad...why would she ever do something so horrible to herself..."

"Chara...didn't have an easy life, you know that. Even though neither of us will ever know the specifics......what we do know is that she wasn't entirely in control of her actions."

"Mnnn...."

"Now come on. Don't think about such bad things."

"I'll...try not to. It's...not easy to be in a happy place when everything feels so...blehhhh."

"Well, one good thing. You were so distracted by it, you didn't notice Elektra already gave you your injection."

"Wha...?" Asriel noticed the bandaid on his arm. "Oh. That's...something."

"Anyway. Let's just enjoy our soup. Oh! And we have green tea with honey and lemon. That'll be good for our scratchy voices and burning throats."

"If you say so." Asriel sat up and started on the soup, now that it had cooled a little.

"Mmn."

"Maybe later, if Elektra doesn't object we can get vanilla ice cream."

"We'll see. Now eat up. You'll need the strength to keep your immune systems working."

"Right as always, daughter." I joined in the meal while Elektra replaced the ice in our ice bags. Did I forget to mention that fevers blow?

"Volt?"

"Yeah?"

"February isn't a very fun month."

"Dad...Garfield used to say, in times of sickness, that Feburary is the armpit of the year."

"The armpit?"

"Because it STINKS."

That made us both laugh.

"Eww. Gross."

"You're laughing, too."

"I know. And I shouldn't be."

"Oh, Azzy, you're so clean-cut. Don't ever change."

And we both had a good laugh...and a coughing fit.

Sub-Entry 253: "Lazer Tag":
So what lesson did Asriel and I learn while laid up in the med bay with severe sinus infection and what felt like bronchitis? Wellllll, if I said what I REALLY felt, I'd have to censor a lot of my own language. But as you can guess cold and flu season can kindly do something unpleasant to itself. Extrapolate that as you may and keep it to yourself. I don't want to be held responsbiel for spelling it out directly.

However, with that bitterness and saltiness off my chest, I can honestly say that it's good to be feeling healthy again.

I had to say...the 80's had some really cool fads at the time. And just by making that statement it was inevitable that Violet dug up a little something-something and invited us all to take part.

"The auxilliary storage sector of the basement? Sometimes I forget Computer Valhalla even HAS a basement. I mean BESIDES the massive bevy of server farms for the Central Miranda Global Internet HUB."

"The emptiness was driving me nuts so I made better use of it."

"You still haven't told us with what we're going to be doing."

Violet lead us down to the lower level.

She looked over her shoulder as she flipped a power switch.

"Welcome to the year...3010." She said with a devilish grin.

"...what are...!"

"Advancements in new optronics have yielded a new genesis in photon combat."

"...new optronics." I wrinkled my nose. "Violet, if you're talking about what I think you're talking about, then this is 30 year-old technology."

"Aunt Vi...?"

"Now where did she disappear to? She was right here by the power switch. How do you disappear in a lit room?"

Mitzi and Gadget just shrugged. Pit wrapped his wings around himself.

"I suppose I should compliment her for actually improving in her stealth skills." Bunnie muttered, arms crossed.

"I'm game for whatever's in her brain." Sally shrugged.

"But why did she invite us along?" Lupe asked. "I have a bad feeling about it."

"Knowing her, something that went out of style 30 years ago." Rotor rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, Violet again.

"Boo."

"Ahh!" Asriel jumped into my arms.

"Not funny, Violet." I sneered.

"Oh yes it was. Anyway. Let's get you all equipped." Violet handed over sets of what looked like vests with a holder right over the center of the chest, modified belts or bandoliers, holsters, and mixes of modified caps and modified helmets.

"Wait a minute. You're not serious, Vi." I suddenly knew exactly what this is.

Skeeter and the kids were already putting their stuff on.

"Uhh...?"

"Everyone suited up? Now let's get you all properly geared up."

Violet handed each of us a weird pistol weapon. Plastic. Futuristic. Looked like something out of a sci-fi TV show.

"The Star Light is a sleek, hand-held energy system. When depressed, a tiny L.E.D. appears in the sight lens. By firing an energized beam, players can "tag" each other from up to 80 feet away."

Violet handed each of us a weird electronic box--mostly hexaxonal but the bottom was elongated into a rectangle (almost key-shaped)--with a red dome in the center and a set of six lights under it.

"The Star Sensor is worn by all players and its rounded dome receives the energy beam from the Star Light. Each time the Star Sensor is activated it registers a "tag".

The game is played until one player receives six tags, thereby forcing him out. The Sensor is attached by the Star Belt by a velcro receptical and completes the basic game playing apparatus.

The Star Cap and the Star Helmet add a great deal to the game by providing 360 degree sensors. They will also register consecutive tags and will also emit the Game Over siren.

When used with either the Star Cap or Star Helmet, the Star Vest enhances the game by allowing a player to wear more than one Star Sensor."

It was too much. Oh well. Nothing to do but amuse her by this point.

Still. They were only toys. Some day I'd have to tell Asriel about the REAL Laser Tag and the Laser Tag Academy. There'd come a time I'd introduce him to the Jaron family bloodline that had ability to use the Star Light and Star Sensor's REAL power...

But for now...

The system had spent all this time powering up since Violet flipped the switch. And now it finally came to life. Violet took her place in the hovering Master of Ceremony chair. Guess we knew who our referee was.

It didn't take long for us to divide up into teams and discover that our arena was geared for a lot more...extreme rules. Mixes of hoverboards and ATV's were a twist even I didn't expect.

"Three...two...one...BEGIN!" Violet's hover desk thing slid back and off the playfield.

For several rounds we went, starting off in team vs. team. This time I got to team up with my best friend instead of against him.

"We make a good team, huh?"

"The best." I revved the ATV. We also had Gadget and Mitzi plus Lupe on our team.

"Well you're not gonna get the best of us." Skeeter had Pit on his side as well as Rotor and Bunnie plus Sally.

"I don't know about this..." Lupe looked warily at her Star Light.

"Lupe. It's just a game." I comforted. "I know you have a fear of guns. Quite frankly I've never been fond of them either. Even Asriel isn't much of a firearm user. Still gets nervous in the simulator even around Mega Buster arm cannons. But isn't part of growing stronger facing your fears."

"O...okay. I guess..."

Lupe wasn't comfortable on an ATV or a hoverboard. But what she lacked in technology, she made up for adaptability. That's where Asriel got a look at her spirit meld for the first time.

Lupe grasped the triangular prism crystal that hung around her neck and the ghostly silhouette of a hawk superimposed over her and combined with her. With that, Lupe gained the ability to fly with transluscent hawk wings that sprouted from her back!

"She can fly!"

"Surprise!"

"Out!" Violet called out as Skeeter's Star Sensor registered a sixth sense and gave a Game Over siren.

"Awww MAAAN!"

"Ha hah. Tough luck bro--"

"Out!"

"Bogus!" Rotor whined.

Sally soared straight for Gadget. "Rookiiiiie!"

But she didn't expect to see Mitzi drop in from above with her Jet Anklets.

"Oh, Sally?"

"...!!!"

"Tag! You're out!"

"Mode!" Sally cringed as she tumbled out of control.

Mitzi gave a thumbs up. But she almost took a jolt as her sensei was quickly on the scene.

Gadget, however was quick to intercept.

"Sorry, Miss Bunnie!"

"!!!" Bunnie barely ninja vanished in time but not before taking two tags.

"Well played, young Gadget."

"That's my big sister!" Asriel wagged his tail.

"You should pay more attention, my student. Lest you lower your guard--!"

"Azzy, look out--!"

I ended up taking the tag, getting in front of him.

"Volt!"

"A good warrior doesn't lower his guard--"

Asriel dove off his hover board and tumbled.

"It's not going to be that easy, sensei!"

"But maybe it will be for me!" Pit flew down out of nowhere.

"Sorry, my loyal scout. I might not be the sharp-shooter that my sister is, but..."

I banked my shot off of the first reflective object I could find in the room, which happened to be the mirror-shine of the metal domed shutters of the  holo projector dome on Violet's GTR-084.

"Ohh! I'm hit!" Pit was out.

"Clever, Commander." Bunnie said as she scored the final hit on me and one each on the mice.

"Out! Out! Out!"

"Defeat me if you can, my student."

Asriel was already up to his final tag, despite battling like a tiger.

"I won't go down that easily." His eyes glowed red. He was determined.

With a flury of his best flips, dodges, sommersaults, and evades, he was making Bunnie work for this last tag..

"You still have much to learn. Remember what I said about who the master is and who is the student."

"I remember. But the student always has the potential to surpass the master. " Asriel leaned up against the pillar for cover.

"I'm afraid you chose poorly for cover."

The pillar was practically in the corner of the room which meant Asriel had only two ways to go. And both were right into the path of a Star Light blast.

No answer...? That was unlike Asriel.

"Not going to acknowledge your opponent?" Bunnie approached the pillar with her aim unwavering.

"...?"

She approached the other side of the pillar...and opened fire...at an unoccupied vest...and no Star Sensor.

"Point. And match." Came the voice from above.

Bunnie looked up in time to see the red flash of the Star Light. And then down at her Star Sensor.

"Out!"

"Very clever."

Asriel's claws were dug deep into the column, his fingers having melted holes into it with his Hybrid Ability. His Star Sensor was clipped to his belt.

"Resourceful. The victory would be yours."

"Game!"

Between all of us using our powers, it was an interesting battle or two. But things got really crazy when it stopped being team battle and every player for themself.

By the time the power supplies all started running out, so were we. Time flies when your having fun and so does your energy.

"Good game, everyone."

"Which one?"

"All of them!"

"Violet, I believe we'll all be having smoothies and a lot of down time."

"Come on, Commander. Give credit where credit is due."

"Very well. You've earned it." I handed her a candy bar.

Heh. Even Vi deserves a pat on the back now and then.

Sub-Entry 254: "Even More Random Fun in the X-Vault":
Back here again. Admittedly, I had no shortage of stuff to show Asriel in this place but...I was running out of ways to keep it new and fresh. Even if it wasn't more of the same, an improperly executed day out in the X-Vault could still end up "more of the same".

Don't get me wrong. Asriel was always one to appreciate whatever I did for him. He was always polite about it and always patient about it. But the eyes didn't lie. Sometimes I could tell when something just seemed like he'd been there and done that.

However I could usually find something to keep it fresh.

"I love when a plan comes together."

I wasn't a sports guy but I couldn't resist a package of that one shredded bubble gum...you know the one. As much as it fit Hannibal's character to be smoking a cigar...yeah. No. Nermal taught me a long time ago that any tobacco product was a disgusting and unhealthy habit to start and even worse to quit.

I raised my goggles and shut off my welder's torch.

"What do you think? Good likeness, don't you think?"

At Violet's request I'd been researching a little about that Lego Dimensions game. As the so-called King of Crossovers, I just couldn't resist looking back at old territory. And that reminded me just how many vehicles I had in storage at the X-Vault.

I recited to myself the synopsis of the incident from oh-so-long ago:

"Ten years ago a crack commando team was sent to prison by military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, that no one else can help with, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...the A-Team!"

I stepped back and compared my work to the original van of said Alpha Team--John "Hannibal" Smith, The "Face Man", "Howling Mad" Murdoch, and B.A. Baracas. That black van with the red stripe that curled around the front, sides, and across the spoiler on top. And I had managed to create a miniature "Power Wheels" version; in Asriel's size. Sure he was 11 (plus a century) years old, but sometimes there is no such thing as too old. (Music Link)

"Battery's charged up. Give her a run. I've had Conky clean up the place for a pretty sizable track around the place.  It was like the indoor race trace back in the Powerhouse Arcade's basement.  But with only one car on the "track".

"All right!" Azzy didn't hesitate to jump in and start her up and take off around the place.

The story of the A-Team rang a familiar bell with Asriel who'd heard Scott's tragic Vorostovian backstory.

A while later, after Asriel had his fun with that I found something else for us to do.

"I confiscated these from Violet after...well...let's just say an incident that I'm not at liberty to disclose. At least not until you're in your teens."

Violet had Rotor's and my help with building these--RC helicoptors based on a certain army medical copter under the code name "Airwolf". (Music Link)

We powered up our craft and flew them all over the place, laughing and enjoying our time. Would anyone else but me let a young goat kid fly an RC aircraft indoors, let alone inside a top secret hanger full of old relics and keepsakes throughout time and space?

"This is the life, huh?"

"If it is, I'm glad it's my life to live. And yours to live with me."

"Awwww...Asriel, you always know just what to say."

A little while later, I had decided to draw the archery set out from a certain orange 1969 Dodge Charger painted with the stars and bars of the Confederate Flag and the racing number, 01. It had traveled a long way from Hazard County, let me tell you.

"...just like I showed you. Don't worry about getting it on your first try. Just let it happen naturally."

"Pit is going to be so impressed when I show him what I can do!"

We each took turns shooting arrows at the straw targets.

"Yeeee-haaaaaaaaw!" I grinned as I put one of Harmony's spare cowboy hats on.

"You've come a long way, Asriel. Eleven months ago, you would have been too scared to pick one of these up, let alone any kind of weapon."

"Yeah...I still don't like using weapons...but I'm not scared to death of them like before."

"You're still a kind and gentle person, Asriel."

His eyes were green. He knew even if he was too modest to admit it. The eyes gave it away.

Still a bit later, I invited Asriel over to the lab tables to see how many experiments out of Mr. Wizard's World we could perform that weren't TOO dangerous...just enough so the require lab equipment and some safety gear.

"That...is hydrogen!"

Asriels's eyes had gotten the size of dinner plates from seeing the collection of hydrogen gas go up in a huge fiery flare.

"Pretty wicked!"

"I know, right?"

We finally closed our night, outside of the X-Vault in Tails' old hanger. I had secured the most powerful telescope I could and set it up on a hilltop. Even though the world was mostly broken and Kommand's technology was holding it together, it still had some beauty to behold. It still had sparks of its old self to admire.

And I decided to treat Asriel to a view of the stars and the planets. Of space.

"Oh wow....they look so much closer through the telescope! The stars at night look so amazing!"

"One of my greatest wishes was to see a space shuttle launch, Asriel. Some day...I'm hoping I'll be able to treat you seeing one. The two of us, together."

"I'd like that."

Asriel stepped back from the telescope and held his hands together, letting a collective of his Hybrid Ability gather...and compress until it was small and bright...and star-shaped.

It was strange...how similar his Hybrid Ability was to his old magic. To the magic of Hyperdeath. It wasn't Star Blazing...but something similar.

"Look. I'm holding a star in my hands right now." He smiled.

Looking at it...it was like one of the Star Bits I'd heard about that would rain down in that place Pit described that the Legendary N-Divison Agent, "M" and "L" would frequently save from the evil  dragon-turtle tribe that terrorized it in days past. One piece of a magical galaxy.

"Yeah. That's pretty amazing, best friend."

And like that, Asriel let it dissipate into glowing dust, harmlessly.

I had a feeling he didn't like using his powers that much...knowing that he had hurt Chara with them. But I assured him...it was for the best. If he hadn't weakened her evil aura with his powers, then maybe we wouldn't have been able to break her free from the Wraith.

"This was a wonderul day, Volt. Thank you for it."

"It was a wonderful day. And I was glad to provide it."

We hung around old Mobius for a while before heading back to Miranda City. I dropped him off at Scott and Callie's and headed back to my shop for the night.

Sub-Entry 255: "Rad Racer 3":
We've got to stop letting Violet, Ripper, and Sally hang out together. By themselves, Sally and Ripper aren't a problem--Sally actually keeps Ripper OUT of trouble. But then it just takes VIolet to suggest something stupid to get the whole group on board.

Fortunately many of us had already put our feet down on anything too dangerous; furthermore Ripper was still blacklisted from pyrotechnics. Whatever ultimatum that Chameleon laid down after his shack was finally 100%...Ripper wasn't going to whisper a word about it. It must've been THAT bad if he didn't want to talk about it.

Uncle Edward shipped us RDI-001 (Roadie) and WLS-002 (Wheels), giving Violet plenty of time to work on their onboard A.I. Navigation Computers.

Honestly...she could have reduced the units to the size of a cell phone. Did she have to INSIST on making the removable moduals the size of those "portable battery-powered televisions" they made in the 80's? Sure, once the units were installed in the dashboard consoles, the cumbersome-ness disappeared into "sleek-and-streamlined". But sometimes her obsession with "retro" made me scratch my head.

"At least you and Sally agreed to do this out in this long stretch of road in the Augustradian desert."

Even at this time of year, Augustrad was nice and toasty. That was the main reason I was on board. But as to how I got dragged into this...?

"Bunnie, the next time I have a lapse in judgement and agree to one of Violet's stupid bets--"

"We're both in the same boat, Commander." Bunnie crossed her arms as she had seated herself in the passenger's side of WLS-002.

"At least we decided to leave Asriel out of this."

"Actually..." Violet grinned. "He'll be waiting for us at the finish line."

"Swell. Us setting a wonderful example for--"

"Miss Vi, why did you lie about that? I'm right here with you."

Take a wild guess how hard my jaw hit the pavement.

"Violet...if anything happens to him--"

"You worry, too much!" Violet said as she closed the gull-wing door of Roadie.

"Strap in, kiddo."

I looked over in Jon, at the wheel of WLS-002.

"At least you had the common sense not to--" I about bit my tongue when I saw Skeeter in the back seat of WLS-002, strapped in and helmet on.

"I don't know which of us I'm more disappointed in...." I cut off sharply as I heard the passenger's side door of the 57' Chevy open then close.

"Ready, Big Brother?" Gadget was now in the passenger's seat.

"I guess we're not much better are we?" Mitzi looked sheepish as Pit had joined her in the CMD-X.

"It'll be awesome!"

Sally gave a thumbs-up as she had gotten behind the wheel of the Turbo Interceptor--a modified 1984 Dodge M4S, Sparkling silver in paint scheme and looking more futuristic than anything in the garage. With a top speed of 194.8 mph and able to go from 0 to 60 in 4.1 seconds, packing 440 HP, this would be a hard vehicle to keep up with. Sally can pick em'. Honey and Willie squeezed together in the passengers seat.

This is the worst thing we've ever done. By this time we took our place at the starting line.

We agreed that none of the cars would be able to use the hovercraft conversion. Since we were nowhere near water, the hydrofoil conversion wasn't an issue. Finally, there was to be no automatic pilots, so we all made sure Violet kept the new A.I. navigator computers off or at least muted. Really. Didn't we have enough talking cars as it is, what with K.I.T.T. in the X-Vault?

The hovering stoplight Violet had set up ticked down from red to yellow to green.

"Go, go, go!"

We all hit the gas.

Violet blared the radio. I knew the song...and somehow she and Sally found time to remix it. (Music Link)

We all jockeyed for first place position, the road starting out relatively tame. But I was worried that it wouldn't be long before we hit the hair-pin turns. Easy way to end up in an accident or killed. What were we all thinking?!

"Yaaaaaay!" Gadget cheered on. For a girl who was intimidated by a lot of things, she sure took high speed in stride!

"Faster, Aunt Vi!"

"Don't encourage her, Azzy!"

"Faster? You just said the magic words!" Sally tromped down hard on the accelerator and slingshot ahead.

"Oh you did not!" Violet grimmaced.

"We really gonna take this, Mr. Jon?"

"Hold on to your potatoes, Pit!"

"But I don't have any-- WHOAH!"

I might not be the daredevil that Sally was, but I knew my way around a slipstream as did Gadget, being versed in aerodynamics. I rode behind Sally, using the shape of the air currents to pull us behind her until we could get a chance to pull ahead. Mitzi was close behind with Vi pulling up fast and Jon holding up the rear.

"Checkpoint!" Vidian was waiting by the first marker.

"Oh my gods, Vidian!"

If she wore any less she would be indecent. But considering the temperature out here in Augustgrad territory, not many would blame her. The first chance she'd get she'd shadow-merge; using her own unique elemental lycan ability to literally become one with the shade--even using shadows at portals between long distances.

The next leg of the journey featured said hairpins; sharp turns in the road which an inexperienced driver could easily go off road, crash out, or worse on.

"This is amazing, Aunt Vi!"

"Yeah, but let's not tell your mom and dad about this."

"We're not doing anything...bad are we?"

"Oh no, no, no. Not bad...just--"

"You're not a very good liar sometimes." Asriel deadpanned.

"Eheheh...you're starting to learn, aren't you? And I thought it was hard enough to put one over on the Commander."

By that point Violet pulled ahead of Mitzi.

"Oh no you don't...." Mitzi felt a bit brave and ready to challenge to reclaim her position.

"Man, this blows. Can't you go any faster, Mr. Jon?"

"Uh...f-faster?"

"Yeah! I'm not going to be happy if we're the slowpokes on all this."

"I'm staying out of this." Bunnie crossed har arms and closed her eyes.

"Your brother is going to kill me..."

I managed to pull ahead of Sally.

"Crashing the mode, Commander? You've got guts, dude."

"We're in first!" Gadget cheered on. She reached over and adjusted the radio and put on a driving song. I recognized it instantly as a cover of "Gumball Crash". (Music Link)

The race kept on and soon Jon managed to slingshot past Violet and Mitzi.

"Now we're talking!"

We kept on tearing up the pavement, and soon came up on the second checkpoint. And Kid the Cat was hovering overhead.

"What an exciting race!"

Asriel waved as Violet sped past.

As we continued on, each of us managed to get into the lead at some point only for someone else to grab the lead.

Before long another checkpoint. And then the last one.

"There's the finish line!"

It was neck and neck between Violet and myself. I promised myself I'd never do this again. Plus I'd spent whatever it cost at the paint and body shop to fix whatever this race did to my 57' Chevy.

"We're gonna win it, Aunt Vi!" Asriel hollered.

"No, we're going to win it!" Gadget challenged.

"This is why I hate competition..." I muttered.

"Suck it up, Commander! This race is in the bag--"

And there Ripper and Valerie were at the finish line.

"I've got the checks so hit those pumpers like heck!" Ripper held up the checkered flag.

Violet and I floored it. And in the end...

"Alright! A photo finish!"

I spun out the car as Violet did the same.

"Who won?"

It's...

Well. What do you think? Should I spoil it or...?

"...it's Volt and Gadget by a nose!"

"Awwww..." Asriel looked a little disappointed.

"Darn. Well...second place is better than ending up dead last."

Speaking of, Sally crossed the line next, followed by Mitzi. And holding up the rear...

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

Skeeter just face-palmed.

Sub-Entry 256: "The Worst Day of the Year To Be Antoine":
Let me spell it out in two words: Valentine's Day.

To anyone else, having a birthday on this day would be absolutely romantic.

Yet...there was one case where it was...not so much.

"Commander? I know you're not going to believe me if I call in sick...so what about calling in dead?"

"Sally...this day isn't easy for a lot of people."

I looked over where Mitzi sighed and gently turned over her framed photo of Duke. Then took another moment to empty a number of recent pictures of her ex into a deep metal wastebasket and set fire to it contents.

Elsewhere, Bunnie seemed to have a little difficulty meditating.

"No offense but, for all of us who got it rough, there's as many of you guys who are happily married."

"Well, don't worry, Sally. I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson from last--"

We both heard it...and slowly looked up at the French Coyote dangling from an invisible wire tether from a crane operated by Rotor.

"Ohhhh Princess!"

And Sally's face just contorted into the most painful look I'd ever seen out of her.

Antoine was in full Cupid disguise. Down to the wings and...er...diaper. The pink bow with the heart-tipped arrow.

"Oh gods...just shoot me."

"Welllll..." Antoine drew back the bow.

"Rotor...why?!"

"I'm still asking myself that question, Sally! But I'm pretty sure it was the 8 hours of incessant whining, pleading, threatening, bribing, and temper tantrums that did it."

"Antoine's reached a new low." I mumbled.

"Uhhhh...?"

I think that was about the time I covered Asriel's eyes while Jon covered Gadget's.

As Rotor tried positioning the crane around...

"Uh-oh..." The motors, pulleys and rigs he set up to properly control Antoine through the air got a bit...glitched.

"What eez this...?! What eez 'appening! No no no no no!"

And thus Antoine went for a wild. When it finished he found himself hanging by his toes as most of his harness came undone. But that was secondary compared to what Violet had in store.

"Commander...isn't that one of Violet's RC drones...?"

"That it is, Mitzi."

"Why is it flying toward Antoine....wait...what is it doing--!"

And the next thing we knew, the wings, the sash, the quiver, bow, and arrows came falling down.

"Violet, no!"

"Violet YES!" Came he voice from the drone.

And lastly the er...loinclotch came down. And the screams when up.

Bunnie could only facepalm.

"This isn't happening..." Sally squeezed her eyes shut.

"Oh it's happening, old friend."

Sally stood up, a forehead filled with angry anime "hashtag" veins bulging out. "Done."

"Done?" Mitzi questioned.

"Just. Done." Sally walked off and headed indoors.

But it only got worse for Antoine as Violet was already hacking Rotor's crane and positioning Antoine over the fountain.

And thus Antoine's screams and panic ended in a massive splash.

He started to climb out, yet another frog on a lily pad atop his ruined hairdo.

"Antoine. Don't." Bunnie warned. "At least not until you cover yourself with something."

"What a terrible way to celebrate a birthday..." I shook my head and led Asriel away as Jon did the same.

"We're terrible people for not helping him out, you know."

"Yeah...we are not setting a good example for the kids."

"...but I'm still not looking at his shame. I already did him that favor last summer, remember?"

Some time later...

"...every year gets more meez-ra-bel." Antoine sniffled...then sneezed. Feeling sorry for him, some of us at least got him something to cover up with before he got arrested.

That was when Asriel came around.

"You had another bad day, didn't you, Mr. Antoine?"

"They...happen a lot. You might not be knowing but...I...am...not being zee most lucky person."

"I...hadn't noticed." You're a terrible liar, Azzy.

"Anyway...umm...I had a couple left over from class today. So...I know it's not personalized, but...Happy Valentines' Day." Asriel handed over a Valentine's Day card. One of those kiddy ones that were either made in art class or bought in a supermarket.

"..."

"So...is it true that today's you're birthday, too?"

Wow, Azzy. Going right for the question.

Antoine just kinda nodded.

"I know it hasn't been very happy but...happy birthday anyway. Everyone deserves at least that much."

And with that Antoine broke down and cried.

"There there..." Asriel had a seat an pat him on the shoulder and back gently.

Maybe...maybe we weren't the role models Asriel needed. Maybe he was the role model we needed. It just goes to show...maybe it wasn't the worst day to have a birthday and be named Antoine L. D'Cooliette.

Sub-Entry 257: "Back to the Search For Frisk/The Plight of Burgerpants":
Once again, touching down at the save maker. I'd covered the Ruins, Snowdin, and Waterfall. I guess Hotland was next to start my search.

Given that I was using the save markers to return to the exact place and time I last left the Underground, that meant there was no risk of Frisk backtracking to a place I'd already covered. If they were hanging out somewhere, it would have to be in the remaining parts of the Underground.

I took my time enjoying Hotland. While I had a lot of ideas where to search, I figured the largest spot would be the MTT Hotel. If not in the dining area or the rooms, I'd have to search the area surrounding the Core and Mettaton's stage area.

But perhaps I needed to converse with the locals and get information before I starting hunting all willy-nilly.

Of the locals, I could name three right off the bat worth talking to.

First on the list was our cigarette-smoking, underappreciated, MTT Burger-Emporium peon, "Burgerpants". (And boy, did he ever get peed on by his boss.)  I'd heard him whine about his life in other timelines but I tried avoiding interecting directly. Chances are a conversation with him would go about as well as it did with Gerson. Oh well. I was low on options this time.

Let's clarify something. His name wasn't really "Burgerpants". It was just an unfortunate nickname he had been cursed with after an equally unfortunate incident.

Despite my many, many, MANY attempts to find out his real name......I've yet to succeed even once.

On the same note...the shere number of times I'd heard him call someone (mostly Frisk) "Little Buddy", I just can't help but feel like he's doing a Captain Alan Hale reference right out of Gilligan's Island. Just coincidence, I know...but if Mettaton ends up putting coconut ANYTHING on the menu, I was going to suspect that more than just other UTAU's were leaking into our own UltraVerse AU.

But that wasn't even the thing about him that made me scratch my head. When you poke around enough timelines you think you know it all...until the high-stress cat in question suddenly drops the phrase "goofy goober". Yeah...I don't think this is something I need to include in my report to the Council. Just. Nnnnno. No. I'm making a rule to avoid Crabby Patties.

The second and final members on the list were a pair of besties that hung around behind the hotel--a pair of monsters answering to "Catty" and "Bratty". Catty, obviously being a cat and Bratty, not-so-obviously being an alligator...or crocodile. Lupe would be able to tell me which, in all probability.

"Welcome to MTT-Brand Burger Emporium, home of the Glamburger. Sparkle up your day (TM). What can I do for you, Little Buddy?"

Do I look little? It's okay, Volt. Don't take it personally. I could make a joke about the irony of him being a pre-programmed employee of Hotland's "sexy rectangle" but he probably needs a stress boost like a hole in the head.

"Well, actually, I was hoping you've seen a human kid in--"

"I'm sorry, (ha ha) it's against the rules to talk to customers who haven't bought anything."

And I was complaining about Muffet being a greedy merchant? Though...technically I could pin this one on Mettaton.

"Right."

"How can I help you, O customer?!"

He's...starting to scare me now.

"Uh...I guess I'll take two Glamburgers, two Legendary Heroes, a pair of Starfaits and a pair of Steaks in the Shape of Mettaton's Face."

Ouch. Over 2,000 gold in purchases. Jon better appreciate what I'm bringing back.

"Thanksy! Have a FABU-FUL day!!"

I'm...pretty sure I could see the blood vessels in his eyeballs. If his lip stuck out any further, I could use it for a bench (Okay, not really.).

Every time he stuck his cigarette back in his mouth, I'm sure he gained another chin. I think Burgerpants set a record for most bizarre facial expressions in the entire underground. At least one of his rubber-faced expressions managed to out-weird Undyne's messed-up, wacky-face.

"Yeah...now about--"

"What? Why do you keep trying to talk to me? I'll get in trouble if I get chummy with the customers! Sorry." A long pause ensued. I started to ask again when he cut in with: "SO. I wanted to be an ACTOR."

"Uh--!"

I hadn't even asked him about life advice. Was he really this stressed or was this another wonky effect of the Timeline's instability? Was it because I was trying to interact in place of Frisk and that was causing hiccups in......darn it...I'm overthinking agian. Just get on with it.

"Take it from me, Little Buddy. I'm getting on in years, so let me give you some advice, Little Buddy. You've still got time. Don't live like me. I'm 19 years old and I've already wasted my entire life."

Only 19? Jeeze. Wait until you're 39, pal. Or 59 or even 79. Heck if you subtracted all of the years I've been immortal, I'd still be older than him. B.P. didn't know what he was talking about; he had a long way to go until he had any right to lecture me on being a burn-out.

"Look, uh...Burgerpants, was it--"

"Really? Really? You're another one of them!"

Ooooh. Landmine. This is going to hurt...my ears.

"Listen. I like you, little buddy. So I'm gonna save you a lot of trouble. Never interact with attractive people. Unless you're "one of them," they're just gonna take advantage of you. Like that time those two chicks asked me to sneak them some glamburgers. And I, naive teenager that I was, said yes to them. Bad idea. So I went out to the alley to see those two ladies, and uh... you know, see what'd happen next."

A pause.

"Then my boss, uh, saw me and asked me what I was doing. I was so startled, the hamburgers in my pockets tumbled out onto the ground. Not wanting to lose face, I scrambled to pick them up! But, as I was leaning over, the weight of the remaining hamburgers... ...caused my pants to fall down. Then the girls laughed at me. Everyone calls me Burgerpants now."

"So...you don't want to be called Burgerpants." Really, Volt? You had to ask a question THAT obvious?

"Everyone calls me BURGERPANTS now. But you won't, will you, little buddy?" He leaned over the counter, heels of his palms pressed down on it, and practically touched his nose to mine, eyes bulging out of his head.

Awkward. And VERY uncomfortable.

"I'm sensing hostility. This doesn't have anything to do with Mettaton, does it?"

"When I first came to Hotland, it was my dream to work with Mettaton.... Well, be careful what you wish for, little buddy!"

"He can't possibly be that bad--"

Again, Burgerpants interrupted.

"God, have you even looked around? This place is a labyrinth of bad choices. And every time we try to change something for the better, he vetoes it and says "that's not how they do it on the surface." Oh! Right! Humans are always eating hamburgers made of SEQUINS AND GLUE."

Okay, he's got a point there. Wait...what did he say Glamburgers were made of...? Uh...I think Jon just got a second helping. He'll eat anything, anyway.

"Everyone else seems to like him.  I think he's pretty cool."

"Why do people find him so attractive?? He's literally just a freaking rectangle." A pause. "You know, one time, I bought one of those, uh, kits online... to... Uh, make yourself more rectangular... They don't work."

I decided not to press it any further. This guy was even LESS helpful than Gerson.

"......I...think it's better if I ask someone else about the human child. I'll try not to bother you in the future--"

"Future? WHAT future? Nothing down here ever changes. I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever... But wait! There's one thing that keeps me going! If ASGORE gets just one more SOUL, we'll finally get to go to the surface! It'll be a brand new world! There's gotta be a second chance out there for me! For everyone! So stay strong, little buddy. When I make it big, I'll keep you in mind."

I can confirm, with 100% certainty (as we say in science), that talking to Burgerpants was a baaaaaad idea.

"Do yourself a favor. RUN. RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS PLACE AS YOU CAN!!!"

"...uh--"

That's when I heard Mettaton's voice in back.

"Burgerpants, darling. I am in need of amusement. Get in here while I ready the video camera. You're going to be an internet sensation!"

"Well. It could be worse. You could be in Hell--"

"I can't go to Hell. I'm all out of vacation days."

Wait a minute. That response was out of place. I'd only heard him say that in a Genocide Timeline. Was this a glitch in the timeline? Did something somehow change? Was another timeline leaking into this one? Did this come from another AU?

"I'm just messing with you, Little Buddy."

Oh. Humor...ehehehe...heh... You're overthinking things again, Volt.

"Don't you know? We make our own Hell. I'm living it, baby. I'm living it."

That was new.

"Burgerpants! This instant!"

Okay. Seriously. Mettaton was a decent guy to everyone but this sad sack. Maybe...Burgerpants had that "it" factor. The one thing that made someone like Antoine or Al Dente so easy to hate. I didn't have a problem with him. But jeeze, was he overselling his pain. Considering the pain and humiliation the Council, Madam Fate, and Dr. Adonis, and a number of other of my enemies had put me through...he had NO idea what real pain and humiliation was. My sympathy for him only goes so far.

I decided to take my business outside; around back.

Sub-Entry: 258: "A Conversation With Bratty and Catty Yields Another Dead End":
Just from the title, you can set your expectations low. Sorry to say, but I've spoiled how this attempt turns out. I'm going to have to go back to Miranda empty-handed...again.

Bratty: Tall. Green. Just your average pink-eyed, curly-blond-haired alligator monster with lipstick that matched her pink shawl. I'm pretty sure Chameleon would be offended just by her appearance alone; and THAT'S saying something. Then again...Chameleon was grumpy about everything. Why not someone of similar species?

Catty: Plump. Purple. Yellow-eyed cat creature with hair as black as my own...even the style was...similar. (Maybe too similar.) Weird blue highlights on the tips of her bangs. I couldn't quite explain the tufts of yellow hair coming out from under the straps of her blue overalls.......nor did I want to guess. If that turned out to be armpit hair, this was something I really wanted to omit from my report.

"Hey! Check it out!"

"Yeah! Check it out!"

I'd come across the "American Valley-Girl" types before. I'd heard the dialect driven into the ground many a times; Kimberly Anne Hart of Angel Grove was one such example. The head-in-the-clouds personality that absolutely INSISTED on inserting "like", "totally", "as if", and the occasional "gag me with a spoon" into their conversations. In small doses I could take it. But if I had to listen to Bratty and Catty speak all day? Well, that was when I began to feel my (apparent) age.

What could it hurt to at least look at their wares. Besides, maybe it might sweeten the pot and I might get information about Frisk out of it.

I decided to buy some junk food. More for Jon.

"You should buy ALL our stuff!"

"Bratty, we're going to be rich!"

Further inquiry revealed that they no longer had the Cowboy Hat, Empty Gun and Mystery Key were no longer in stock. That meant Frisk HAD been here.

I figured maybe I could part with some broken parts that Rotor wanted me to dispose of. I mean...junk was junk.

"Thanks, but we, like, don't really need anything."

"Oh my god, can you go get us some Glamburgers?"

"We don't--"

"--really need--"

"--anything."

Oh gods. They were finishing each other's sentences, now? This was...even worse than the valley girl speak.

"Wait! I'll pay you 1000G if you get Mettaton to autograph my butt!"

WAT.

By now you should know, that's my most common way to express that my brain just shifted gears without the clutch. There are some things I don't even want to ask about. This was one of them.

That's right about the point when Catty started sniffing. I don't know how she could smell them while they were compressed into my E.N.G.I.N.E. micro-dots but somehow she could.

Only one explanation. Magic.

"Oh my God. Is that a Glamburger? OH MY GOD!!! GIMME!!!"

"God, Catty. Try to have some self-control."

"Sorry..."

"'Cause they OBVIOUSLY brought that Glamburger for ME."

"NO WAYYY!!!!!"

Headache...imminant.

"So uh...about--"

I was about to learn that there were a lot of people in the Underground that liked to interrupt me.

"I'm Bratty, and this is my best friend, Catty."

"I'm Catty, and this is my best friend, Bratty."

"..."

I decided to skip asking about the garbage. I know it's "really good garbage".

It didn't take long for the conversation to switch to Mettaton. But I was surprised how much of a connection the two of them had to Alphys of all people.

"So uh...how about that Mettaton, huh?"

Okay, bringing him up while making small talk got me a lot more than I bargained for.

"Oh my God. Mettaton."

"Oh my GOD, METTATON."

"He's like... My robot husband."

"Actually he's like... MY robot husband."

"I think we're like... both going to marry him."

"We're both like, ALREADY married to him."

"He just, like, doesn't know it yet."

I shifted a bit. I was engaging in a lot of familiar conversations. I know it was a lot of redundancy but I wasn't just on the lookout for Frisk.

My suspicions about the timeline were high and I was checking for deviations caused by my own presence, Chara-Wraith's interference, and the unstable nature of the timeline itself.

Again, it was the scientific method in action. Searching for things out of place even though they might end up being exactly the same as the countless number of times I had run through these scenarios.

I had to know what, if anything, was different. One minor alteration could result in a big Butterfly Effect.

"So...does Mettaton talk much about where he came from?"

"So, like, Dr. Alphys built Mettaton, right?"

"That's like, what they TELL you."

"But like..."

"Mettaton always acts like..."

"... being built was HIS idea somehow."

"And even right after he was built..."

"...he acted like Alphys was an old friend."

"But they're like..."

"Not friends anymore."

"Yeah!!!"

"Unlike me and Bratty!!"

"Best friends for-EVER!!!"

That was something I overlooked. It was kinda true...Mettaton, for a while threw away a lot of the people who made him who his was today. First he abandoned Napstablook. Then when he had his robot body, he decided he didn't need Alphys anymore.

But all that changed. Chara put him in a position where he had to go crawling back to his "creator" for help during my battle with Chara-ton NEO at the Core. As a direct result of that, Mettaton changed for the better and even went so far as to reunite with Napstablook; an event that happened much earlier than it was supposed to. Their reunion wasn't supposed to occur until after the Barrier was broken and all monsters went free.

"You talk like you know Alphys. Have you met before?"

"Oh my God. Alphys."

"Oh my god, ALPHYS."

"She used to live on our street. She was like a big sister."

"I mean, like, if your big sister..."

"Takes you on trips to the dump."

"She showed us the coolest places to find trash."

"She was always collecting these weird cartoons."

"Then she became the Royal Scientist..."

"Yeah, we haven't seen her in forever..."

Things about Alphys were starting to come together. I had observed these timelines before but I never really thought into the notes I took. I just forwarded them to the Council for analysis. Now I was starting to relate to them on a personal level.

No matter how many times I explored a UTPR timeline: Prime Universe or an unstable timeline like the ones that popped up in the UltraVerse, like this one...I always seemed to discover something new that I had overlooked before. Learning that Alphys had more acquaintances than I'd gathered was a breath of fresh air.

I rubbed my chin.

"Things changed when she became the Royal Scientist?"

"So Alphys has always, like..."

"Thought ASGORE is a SUPER cutie."

"So, like, I'm pretty sure she..."

"Made Mettaton to, like, totally impress him."

"A robot with a SOUL..."

"That's, like, SUPER relevant to his hobbies!"

"So after seeing Mettaton, ASGORE..."

"Asked her to do all this science stuff for him!"

"But nobody's, like, seen anything from her yet."

"Or... her at all..."

"She must, like, just stay in her lab all day."

"Like, live a little, girl."

"Yeah!!!"

"Like us!!!"

The lie. The first big lie. In total, I wonder how many Alphys told? I knew of the major four the bat:

1) Mettaton; a robot with a soul.

2) Everything she told Undyne to impress her; technically several but I grouped them as one.

3) The Amalgamates; Technically she didn't say anything but...withholding the truth is technically lying. Just like what I was doing with Asriel. (But did it count if he knows about it and is okay with me keeping him in the dark until the proper time?)

And 4) Flowey the Flower; the First Golden Flower was the alpha, and by now Alphys suspected he was sentient and somewhere in the Underground.  I really shouldn't be ignoring the little yelllow murder-flower so much---

Hold on. What was that about having a crush on Asgore? Eheh...nope. Don't want to think too much into it. But Alphys' connection to Asgore intrigued me.

"So...got any thoughts on his Royal Fluffybuns?"

"Oh my God."

"He's a total goober."

"He's a big, fuzzy goofball!!"

"Like, I LOVE that guy."

"He's like, SO nice."

"God, we're like..."

"God, we're like..."

"SO hyped for the destruction of humanity."

"SO hyped for the destruction of humanity."

At that moment I think I just imagined a record player needle being dragged across a vinyl with an unsoundly screech. Hearing something like this in a Pacifist Timeline did not reassure me.

Their description of Asgore was spot on. He was right, though. No one really understood what had to be sacrificed for their freedom. No one understood what it meant to murder a human for their soul. I wasn't lying to Toriel when I said how much I hated his deeds. I just couldn't bring myself to hate him. Bad choices just made him a person. A person with huge regrets. Weighed down so by everyone's hopes and dreams for freedom.

"Anyway. I was talking to the guy at the Burger Emporium--"

"Oh, that guy from the store?"

"Yuck, what a creep."

"Yeah! He's a creep!"

"But he's kind of cute, too..."

"C'mon Catty, don't you have ANY standards?"

"Nope!!!"

I really should be asking about Frisk. But the whole Burgerpants issue was gnawing at me. I had to know.

"So...what's wrong with Burgerpants?"

"OK, like, the annoying thing is..."

"He'd be OK if he just treated us with some respect."

"But he just acts..."

"Really weird."

"And then acts like it's OUR fault he acts that way!"

"Like, when we asked him to get those Glamburgers..."

"He dropped them and ran away before we could even say anything!"

"We were, like, going to share them."

"Really?"

"I wasn't."

"Catty!"

Should I even try to play matchmaker with them? At the very least try to mend friendships?

"So...if he asked to hang out some time--"

"Oh, uh..."

"Yeah!!"

"He should come look for junk with us!"

"But like, if we let him hang out with us... I just worry it'll..."

"... be really super fun!"

"Um, that was NOT what I was gonna say."

"But I was close, right !?"

"So...what's the problem?" I was asking for trouble on this one. But I might as well bring this full circle.

"Well, that kind of guy..."

"You hang out with him once, then he wants to hang out..."

"All."

"The."

"Time."

"But don't you feel bad for him, Bratty?"

"Poor Burgerpants..."

"Think about how cool we are compared to him!!!"

"We'd be saving his LIFE with our friendship!!"

"His LIFE, Bratty!!"

"Uh, so?"

"..."

"Think of all the glamburgers he could get for us!!"

"... so is he free after work?"

This whole conversation was pointless, in the end. No deviations. Nothing new to add. I guess this part of the timeline was stable. But seriously, Volt. Get back on task.

"So...the human child. They had to have come this way?"

"Like...yeah."

"Totally. But that was like..."

"Forever ago."

Really? Forever ago. That was...descriptive. *sigh* Maybe it was too long since I raised a teenager. But I'm pretty sure Elektra was never like this. Gods help me if Stephanie or Penelope-Anne turn out like this.

"They haven't been back here recently?"

The both of them shrugged.

"The last time we like...saw them they bought some junk off of us. The hat and the gun and some old key."

To what ends were you snatching up all these personal items, Frisk? Frying Pan and Cooking Apron, Empty Gun and Cowboy Hat, Notebook and the Glasses... All of those items belonging to the other six fallen.

One point of view was for Frisk to USE them. Increased armor and stronger weapons. But that was going by traditional RPG logic. I understood the need to have greater survival in the long run...but if if this was indeed a Pacifist Timeline, why the weapons?

The other point of view was sentimental value. These items belonged to people. It was only right that they be returned to any surviving kin. If this was the case then I couldn't have admired Frisk more at that point.

The problem was that this contradicted Frisk's current behavior. If they planned on returning this items to the fallen children's families...why were they avoiding going to Asgore to confront him? Why hadn't they already been judged by Sans?

"I guess that's all I needed to know."

"Like, you're a total cutie."

"Like...you wanna like date or something?"

HELLOOOOO!

Again my brain shifted gears without the clutch.

"Sorry, girls. I'm married."

"Like bummer."

"Like total bummer."

Please stop, you two.

"I...guess I'll be on my way, now."

"Like, see you later!"

"Like, later and stuff!"

I shuffled away from the Hotel and looked for an alternate route to the Capital. One that I wouldn't have to go through the two Royal Guards for or through Alphys' Lab for.

Unable to find a way, I decided to use the Spectre function and just slip past the guardsmen, completely intangible. Once I was at the entrance to the Capital, I set a new Save Marker and had Kommand transport me back home.

Frisk was running out of places they could be hiding out. I knew once I caught up to them, the End Game would soon start up. I had to figure out what I was going to do about Asgore. But the real danger was something I had put out of my mind for so long I'd completely forgotten about it. Time would tell if I'd catch my carelessness or if it would all fall apart because I focused on the wrong priority...

Sub-Entry: 259: "Splat-tuned Out":
Okay. Two strikes, looking for Frisk. It's okay. You still got this, Volt...you still got this.

Ugh. I could start believe it at any time now...

That red herring was tossed in the ice chest and I was already back at UCIAT HQ, taking some time to oversee some mundane data and reports in the lab. I was expecting it to be a lovely period of silence, without so much as a clock ticking in the room.

My door swung open, followed by Dr. Nikita Lynx clearing her throat in a very pronounced and forceful way that made it painfully obvious that she was highly displeased about something.

Why do I never get a moment's peace after coming home empty-handed and a head full of conversations I didn't feel like remembering?

"Problem, Doctor?"

Nikita pointed out into the hallway.

I sighed and decided to follow.

"Some clarification would be a common courtesy right about now."

"You need to see it for yourself."

When she said things like that...it was a good sign that I needed to prepare for my blood pressure to go through the roof.

I followed until we got to the appropriate door to the appropriate room.

"By all means." She crossed her arms.

I didn't have a good feeling as I reached out and turned the knob, then opened the door.

The next few seconds the silence was broken by my sudden exclamation:

"I'VE BEEN VANDALIZED...!..........BY ELVIS !!!"

Nikita facepalmed but I'm not sure if it was from the sight or my choice of words. Still...it was accurate enough.

From floor to ceiling, and everything inside, everything had been covered in paint. But not splattered. No, this was photo-realistic paint done up to make everything look like high-class, Baroque period furnishings. To be honest...it did look like something out of one of the rooms of Elvis Presley's Graceland Mansion. I should know having observed many alternate Earth world versions of it while outside of time and space.

The floor's intricate designs had since completely dried. I could still smell wet paint on the ceiling and a few spots on the tables and equipment.

"As much as I can appreciate the decor is at least some degree of mature, the act itself is unacceptable use of resources and a visual distraction. It has also rendered some of our equipment rather useless." Nikita spoke, rather deadpan in tone.

Sure enough a lot of the glassware had been painted to look like rare Ming Vases, porcelain pottery, and other expensive trinkets you'd see in a very, very wealthy mansion setting.

"How do we even begin to fix this--" I started as I looked at the elaborate setting. Then I noticed it. I got a magnifying glass out of my lab coat pocket and examined.

Sure enough when magnified just enough, the imagery was quite pixelated. Like a digital image. But I could tell it was still paint. If anything...it was like an inkjet or laser printer embedded an HD image onto everything.

"!!!"

In that moment I immediately knew who to blame.

I noticed the door at the other end of the room was cracked open a bit and the paint smell was stronger on the other side of the door.

I marched over, Nikita following. I kicked it open, aiming for the doorknob. As much as I wanted to ruin the paint job on it, I wasn't going to be that petty just to jab at the guilty party.

I took a deep breath and prepared to bellow that name of our pain--

Sudden something charged out and knocked me over, accompanied by a mechanical whimpering and whining.

Curious, Asriel had heard us in the hallway. Gadget had promised to bring him back to her sub-lab workshop to show what she had been working on. The two of them came into the room, only momentarily amazed by the room's makeover.

"G-Gamma?" It was RVG-Gamma alright. But then I saw what had him upset.

"You have been graffiti-ed all over!" Sure enough there were so many spray tags overlapping him, that there weren't any uncovered metal spots. I was sure that Nikita would collapse under the weight of all the anime hashtag veins on it by that point...or her whole head would explode like that infamous scene right out of Scanners.

"Not graffiti!" I heard RMB-Delta cackle.

"Decorations!" Came the follow-up from his "brother", FNZ-Epsilon.

"Multicolored petroleum bi-products!" They said in unison. Honestly this was the most robotic things they had said. But it was too late I realized they were both quoting a movie--

"No. NO. Don't you--!"

Violet suddenly dropped down from a hatch int he ceiling and landed in between the two spray-tagged robots.

And the three of them suddenly recited that street gang credo.

"LOS LOCOS KICK YOUR A--(FLOWEY CACKLE)!" Delta began, kicking a foot out but deliberately missing Nikita's heinie.

"LOS LOCOS KICK YOUR FACE!" Episilon pointed a little too close to Asriel's nose, causing him to shrink back with a whimper.

"LOS LOCOS KICK YOUR B--(FLOWEY CACKLE) INTO OUTER SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!" Violet finished, gesturing below my gi's black belt. I was about ready to deck her.

Nikita finally had--

"ENOUGH!!!" She roared. It was the loudest I'd ever heard her shout.

She grabbed Episilon and Delta by the arm and yanked them out of the room.

"Come. I will clean you both up. If those mouths were real and not mechanical with a loudspeaker and vocoder behind them I would wash them out with soap!  I regret SO much stepping out and letting Violet program you both behind my back..."

"Violet..." I glared.

"Whaaat?" She feigned innocence.

"It's really colorful!" Asriel admired.

I stared at him blankly.

"Uh...I mean...you did a very bad thing, Aunt Vi."

"Soooooo...I'm guessing that's a no on my 3D Hyper-Painter Printer Cannon?" Violet hefted the huge modified sprayer rifle cannon-looking device. Several hoses lead to her backpack. I'd noticed it had been switched out in place of her usual jet pack.

"Seriously, Violet?" I put my knuckles to my hips. I shook my head at the paint stains all over her lavish kimono.

"What a waste. Ruining an expensive silk kimono like that with paint and ink and who knows what else you have in that contraption."

"Ahh, no worries. I have 99 other copies of my favorite kimono. And that's just this one. I have thousands of varations--"

"We get it, Vi. You really do put the stupid in "stupid rich"."

"You know me, Commander. I DARE to be stupid!"

"Oh! Like Mr. Yankovic's song back at Uncle Eddie's garage?"

"That's right!"

"Ughh...Violet, this is going to cost a small fortune to clean up and get back in working order."

"Bah. Pocket change for me."

"Vi, I'm getting a little tired of hearing how rich you are."

I rubbed my temples.

"Come on, Asriel. Let's go check out Gadget's workshop. Violet, when I come back here, I better not find this place looking like Inkopolis."

"See ya', around, Cinnamon Roll! And remember...staaaaay freeeeeesh!"

I facepalmed. And then we left the room.

Sub-Entry 260: "Well-Deserved Downtime":
Is it any wonder why my wife and daughters spend so much effort trying to get me to rest and take a step back from work and sources of stress?

Speaking of...I think it was about time that Asriel finally got to meet my other two daughters. It was overdue.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. FIrst things first. Get as far as I can from the lab and Violet's annoyance.

I headed to Rabbotou Dojo and picked my way through the main building to the Jang Garden in back.

Here we were back at the Go-Genso-Mon.

Let's see. As much as I enjoyed a fiery setting, the fire gate (火) was out. It was still too cold out, being the middle of February.

Not going anywhere near the water gate (水). Plus I didn't want to waste time drying my fur and clothes out, no matter how therapeutic the waterfall and koi ponds were.

Metal gate (金属) ...ehh...I don't think training to the point where my hands and feet were throbbing would be very relaxing.

Going to the wind gate (風) would be very "oxygenating" in Emmett's words...but at this time of year, those winds would be cold and brutal. While my real fear was stinging insects, part of me was still not that crazy about crazy heights.

Well. Wood/Forest gate (木) it was. I pressed on into grassy, flower-covered, and tree-filled setting.

And sure enough I happened across Bunnie and the rabite trio. And with them was Asriel and many of our "Fantastic Beasts"

Glitter was there, enjoying a pack of saltines Violet had programmed for her.

Kuma was scampering about the quilt Asriel had set up. Wait...a picnic this early on in the year? Of course I soon noticed the holoprojector dome in the middle of the blanket. Kuma couldn't stray far from it or his program would collapse. Neither Glitter nor Kuma could reset the projector on their own if they exceeded its maximum operating diameter.

Little Bulb and Gamma (cleaned up rather quickly by Nikita) did there own thing.

Megami knelt down, nearby, playing a shamisen. Marcel's, familiar, Josquin had followed the sound and didn't waste a moment to hover around Rabbotou Dojo's shrine maiden caretaker. This drakeslime could enjoy any kind of music. Usually he'd partake in his master playing the accordion.

"Ah. Commander. Join us, will you not?" Bunnie smiled, having slipped off her sandals.

Asriel waved us over as well.

"I think I will. Especially after the ordeal Violet put me through."

"You're not still mad at Aunt Vi, are you, Volt?"

"I'll get over it." I had a seat on the quilt and slipped off my own sandals. Asriel had done the same.

It was odd. Rabbot Dojo's garden seemed a lot warmer than the day had been projected to be. It should have been in the 20's or 30's. But here it felt closer to the high 60's. Was it an effect of the garden itself? Was Lupe around and granting us a special priveledge? Or was the weather just being kind to us? Whatever it was, I was enjoying it.

I took a moment to take in the rabites playing around with Bunnie and really take note of their personalities.

Houjicha, the white one, was always a hyperactive, curious ball of fluff with a happy-go-lucky sense of humor. Everything was always a joy to him. If I had to ascribe a personality to "Hoji-kun", I'd say he most closely fit that of Monkey D. Luffy, the Straw Hat Pirate Captain.

Bancha, the black rabite. Like a smaller, male version of Marie, he was of the Ebon Rabite type. For the uninformed, wild ebon rabites were violent and extremely vengeful if you crossed them. Plus they tended to have very strong psychic abilities. Bancha was the quiet, stoic one. Usually brooding, usually attempting to meditate. His brother, Hojicha always seemed to be his foil; like a pair of perfect strangers...or an odd couple. There were a couple of personilties that seemed to fit "Ban-kun". It wouldn't be outlandish to draw a comparison to Sasuke Uchiha or Shadow the Hedgehog. But if I really had to draw a comparison...we was too cute to be them. If anything...Metaknight was a closer comparison.

Which finally left the female member. The green puffball, Kukuicha. Described as super-demure. She was always a loving, affectionate type. She could find the good in anyone. Even Chameleon, who had been known to have an infamous streak of rabite abuse somehow got spared his wrath. Just the lightest petting and she would repay the kindness with kissy-licks and nuzzles. Out of the three of them, it was hard to find a personality match close enough to compare her to. But if I had to settle on someone...I guess the closest was Orihime Inoue. Whatever the case...Bancha was always protective of her, and Hojicha was always keeping her amused and cheered up with his silly antics.

"So cute!" Bunnie actually uttered a giggle as Kuki-chan smothered her master in kissy-licks.

"Awwww." Asriel smiled.

I watched for a while and started to drift off from the relaxing setting. I probably would have remained in my slumber all day...but then I was awakened by--"

"DADDY!"

"DADDY!"

Oooof! Tacklehugged from both sides; one the left side but one green furred wolf girl, the other by an orange-ish furred wolf girl.

I found myself falling flat on my back but laughing up a storm as the twins smothered me with love and attention.

Kuma went scurring over to Gamma and Lil' Bulb. The Rabite Trio barely noticed; all three of them were absorbed in Bunnie's attention.

"Okay! Okay! I missed you both, too!"

Lisa and Elektra joined us at that point, slipping off their sandals and having a seat on the huge quilt. Lisa gave me a big smooch on the lips as soon as the twins let up. Elektra hugged me and gave a peck on the furry cheek.

Asriel took it in stride. He'd been wanting to meet them for some time and it was about time he did.

He waved but not as shyly as he used to. I think after almost a full year he had gotten used to our world and had learned to be more outgoing.

Introductions were made.

"The green-furred one is Penelope-Anne. Sometimes just "Penny" or "Annie". She's okay with either."

"Hi ya, Azzy!"

Penelope-Anne was the rambunctious one. If it was any indication she considered Violet her mentor. Did I need to say any more?

The orange-furred one is Stephanie. Or Stephie.

"It's nice to meet you, Asriel."

Stephie chose Bunnie as a mentor. That made me feel relieved.

Asriel got to know them both pretty quickly. He learned that Stephie's element was technically wind/air but she had learned how to use her abilities to generate static electricity and sparks like me. When she got older she'd probably figure out how to generate small tornados and Corona Winds. I wouldn't be surprised if she taught herself to float once she learned how to control the aspects of air.

As for Penelope-Anne, her element was grass/wood. She was already figuring out out to manipulate grass and plant life. I'd see her summon wood bark as armor during her sessions with Violet teaching her the wonderful art of Live Action Role Play (LARP). Oh boy. Things were going to get interesting when she got older.

"Took long enough. But we finally brought them around for Asriel to meet." Lisa embraced me.

"You appreciate things more when you have to wait for them." I replied, remembering my own well spring of patience.

"How has...the quest been going?"

"At a stand-still. The person of interest is doing a good job of hiding out. Logic tells me the last place to look is the Capital. Which is exactly where they need to go to bring this story to a happy ending. But..."

"But..?"

"I don't know what to do about Asgore. I know how it's supposed to go down but......would it be too drastic an altercation if I could find a way for him to...not..."

I looked down at the ground at one of the lone flowers in the field.

"What would happen to the timeline if I kept him from meeting his fate and Frisk from going up against Omega F--" I couldn't finish my statement. There was a deep fear I was avoiding. One that even without the nightmares caused by the dust...hadn't diminished.

I shifted gears pretty quickly.

"My real concern is Sans. He has to know about the kid's resets. He has to know how many times they've made it to the surface...and then just had the dream ripped away. How many times did Chara convince them to try to go back and save Asriel? I've seen the timelines? As they are, no matter what Frisk does, it can't be done.  And no matter what they do, their mistakes can't be undone.  Not even by the Reset.  Anyway...as far as I know Frisk hasn't been to the Judgement Hall...yet. If that becomes the case then I might be too late to see how things play out in Asgore's throne room."

"Sounds like you're seeing the end game on the horizon."

"An end game. But...I feel there's a great danger lying in wait. And there have been some...quirks in the time stream that worry me. I feel like...there's something behind the scenes going on that's leading us all into a trap."

I looked over where Asriel and the others were playing with Kuma, the rabites, and Josquin. At some point Kid the Cat, Mouse the Rabite, and Green the "warp scarab" had joined them.

"Keeping this all from him for one year was hard enough...how am I going to turn this into five...or ten...or fifteen years...or who knows how long until he's ready to be told the truth. And how am I going to keep the Underground stable long enough for that to come to pass?"

"Admittedly, Dad...I see your concern. It does seem overwhelming. But...you'll think of something. You always do."

"Volt......Neil...you can always turn to us when you need help with this."

"I know...but even so...there's some things the Council won't let me turn to you with."

"Kommand has your back, Dad. She'll keep your tail out of the fire."

"In the mean time, Commander...join us for tea and snacks." Bunnie and Megami invited us back over to where they had set up the tea tray and such.

"Yeah. I think that's probably the best use of my well-deserved down-time for now."

We all gathered and enjoyed a serene bit of relaxing and calmness after the frolicking and fun. The story would go on but it would have to be another day.

Chapter 27

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