PLDN Chapter 32

"Chapter 32: More Crossover Wars Battles Leads to More Friends and Enemies (Sub-Entries 311 - 320)"

Sub-Entry 311:  "Az-Az's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Justice:
Back home to Miranda, and with 100% less dinosaur drool drenched on me. Thank science for the world's largest concentration of Acetylsalicylic Acid (that's aspirin for non-chemistry majors).

You know, let's just get this part out of the way. We knew he'd be coming back sooner than later. And we knew he'd exchange something else for a new power.

This was his fifth attempt. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I was beginning to wonder how many more chances Adonis would give him.

But as the Demon that comes when you call his name had skipped a certain motif the last time he was here, he picked up right where he left off.

See no evil, hear no evil...and yeah. It was that one. Leave it up to Adonis to have the most ironic of ways of doing so, by directly ripping off a low point in Ryan Reynolds' comic book movie career. And no. I'm not talking about Green Lantern. Let's just say...it was one tribute to an "Origin" story that should have been X-ed out.

Suffice to say, if those extra end credits scenes in Deadpool 2 went on a little longer, the Merc with the Mouth might be paying Evil Chara a visit and bust a cap through his skull for referencing his already-referenced self-referential in-joke.

I'm going to get off this topic before this meta-humor gets too much.

Being that Chara was following the same pattern of fallen human souls, which was also the same pattern of virtues Asriel unlocked seven years ago and the same pattern he was unlocking his new virtue powers this time around...the name of the game was Injustice. As tempting as it is to reference the DC Universe game of the same name, let's just focus on Chara's revenge...take five.

Granted it would be a smart move for Adonis to give him the power of shapeshifting; which would help him orchestrate his crimes a lot better. But...it would be predictable and expected, simply because Chara already tried that with Sally and failed.

But no...Adonis had something little more...recent anime pop culture in mind. In his own mind it was a diamond of a plan worth stealing from Dr. Bedlam. But that only proved that this unbreakable "diamond" was definitely crazy and worthy of shining on.

If you still don't get where I'm going with this? Well...suffice to say, things were going to get...Bizarre.

"...how...did you...do that...?!" Was the last thing the Border Patrol officer said before his final breath.

"As much as I hate reusing references I've already dropped...if I told you the answer?  Well in terms of how knowing would help you?  Heheheh.... *Darth Vader inhale* USELESS!  USELESS!  USELESS!  USELESS!  USELESS!!!" The electronic vocoder strapped around his neck taunted as his eyes widened. I guess if he wasn't going to answer for his crimes, he'd at least have an artificial way of speaking what with his mouth sewed shut.

And with that Chara turned and walked away as he recalled the Stand he had chosen for the moment. "Now DIE!" He commanded as Bad Company unloaded the barrage of toy army weapons and vehicles...with very REAL results.

"Now...that I've warmed up...what Stand should I use to cause my next crime?" Chara twirled the backup knives and weapons he had stolen.

Chara waved his hand as a lineup of stolen Stands appeared before him.

"Finally Adonis gives me some pop culture that's actually useful.  So many choices of Stands copied or stolen from so many users.

What should I start with? Metallica? Controlling iron is certainly something to consider  Highway Star? Just the ironic punishment for that rabbit hacker with the foot fetish; dying from nutrient loss while being swamped by living footprints. Death 13? Since none of them are stand-users, it would be so delicious trapping them in nightmares they can't wake up from. It would be sweet to take out that coyote cowgirl with Emperor just to see the look on her face when she's killed by her own powers. Or maybe a stand from one of the heroic users...Heaven's Door would certainly be one to use.

But for you, Asriel...I have several special for you that not even your Hybrid Abilities can counter. When...the World...is not enough and Killer Queen leaves you with a Sheer Heart Attack...you'll be completely helpless when I erase every move you have with King Crimson."

Chara continued his rampage, using the twisted methods of Stand after Stand on anyone who got in his way.

From using Mariah's Bastet to magnetize anyone unlucky enough to touch one of her wall socket traps to using Harvest to steal valuables not because of material desire but simply because he could. Who was going to stop him? Who COULD stop him?

Crime after crime he continued his crusade of injustice.

"I don't know why I never embraced this before?  Humans are in fact sneaky, lying, cheating, greedy, plagues on humanity.  So why did I spend so much time condemning with words when I could show through action?"

Was this another rewrite of Chara's mind and motives, Adonis?

It wasn't long before some of us were even caught up in Chara's twisted shenanigans.

"Thees eez...'ow you 'zay...zee very embarassing..." Antoine found himself glued to Al Dente...though I'm not at liberty to say what parts of them were bonded together and in what awkward position.

"OHHHH MAAAAAI GAAAAAAAAWD!" Al Dente whined.

But where some were worth a low-brow chuckle...others, not so much.

Lupe gasped as she looked upon people with zippers all over their bodies...the ones that were pulled open were...not to be described what lay underneath.

Sally maintained her speed as Highway Star chased her down.

Rotor lay face down, nearly crushed by the intense gravity of Reverb, Act 3.

"Well.  S-H--"  He started before the next explosion covered up the last two letters he uttered.

"Don't worry, Rotor.  The rest of us are on the case." Mitzi tightened her fists.

"Yeah!  Let's kill da' h--"  Violet started before she was thwapped by Bunnie.

I stood atop the UCIAT HQ building, arms crossed, looking down at the path of destruction.

"Crap!  Crap!  Crap!  Crap!" Chameleon and Marcel were doing their best to fend off Aerosmith...or was it Li'l Bomber? Huh...you know some of these were suddenly getting lost in translation.

Hestia and Lulu stood back to back, attempting to fend of Tenore Sax and Chili Pepper.

"So Chara can control multiple stands at the same time." I frowned. The company I was with was no more okay with this than I was.

"Good grief..." Jotaro grumbled as he pulled his hat's rim down a little farther.

"Thanks for giving me the heads-up on all of these guys." I said as Jotaro picked up the turtle and pocketed it. "The lengthy talk with Joseph at least gives us a good list of what we're up against.  But taking those powers back from Chara isn't going to be easy.  And really...I'm...not crazy about the idea of Asriel becoming a Stand-user just to fight him on his own terms."

"Hmm." A man of few words, Mr. Kujo was.

"But maybe he doesn't have to." I looked on.

Jotaro kept his arms crossed...but I was sure for the briefest of moments he was quite amused...and I quickly saw the reason why. In a word: reinforcements.

I watched as Magician's Red scorched Cheap Trick to a cinder after a clever use of holograms, mirrors, and a few spectral friends from Ghost Alley courtesy of Reimi Sugimoto (thanks to some favors called in to the Soul Society and those "other" Ghostbusters).

"Siiiiim-siiiiim, sala-biiiiim!" Violet joked, doing her impression of Hadji Sihng of the Quest Team. Avdol looked less than amused.

Elsewhere, Reverb Act 3 put his pirated copy down for the count. Koichi Hirose checked on the group of elementary school kids before heading off to the next area.

Slowly but surely, Chara's forces began to fail him.

"What the HELL?!?" He tore at his own hair in frustration. "Arcade's home world doesn't have Stand Users!!! What's going on?!"

"What's going on...is justice."

Chara took a deep breath through his nose and turned aroudn to face Asriel, eyes bright yellow.

"You've been causing crime all over the city and using powers that not only don't belong to you but were stolen from the people they do belong to.  I gotta say, No-Name...pretending to be Chara wore thin a long time ago, but this is a new low.  Chara may not have been the best person in the world, but she was my sister.  And one thing she was not was a bully, an impatient delinquent, a liar, a terrorist, and a THIEF."

"You look down on me all high and mighty.  But I've been saving the best for last--"

"You mean the part where you stop me in time using "Za Warudo"?"

"Tch!" Chara did a double take.

"Then when I explain how you'll try to blow me up with Sheer Heart Attack or some twisted plan involving the use of Bites The Dust, your next line is: 'You little know-it-all!  I have more tricks up my sleeve than that!" Asriel grinned while poising in a pointing gesture.

"You little know-it-all!  I have more tricks up my sleeve than that--  TCH!!!"

"But I guess your real trump card would be using Crimson Emperor to erase 10 seconds of any action I make after you peek 10 seconds into the future to see ever counter to everything I'm going to do...right?"

"Goddamn you, you Gary Stu...you're just so perfect at everything...I was the big winner back then...I couldn't be beaten.  You'd whine and cry to Asgore and Toriel after I humiliated you.   You begged me to just let you win......how...how--"

"Have the roles reversed?  It's true that Chara was a bit of a bad winner as much as I was a bit of a bad loser.  But it's not about winning or losing.  It's how you play the game.  And you've been cheating the whole way through."

"Big talk...your outside help is--"

"Evening the odds?  There's nothing cheating about turning to your friends for help when you're in trouble.  My new friends weren't too happy with you making them re-live some of their nightmares nor were some of them  happy about you stealing their stands.  As for everyone else?  They were happy to share my burden and help lift me up again when I've fallen over and over in the past.  You only see me when I'm at my best.  But I've built myself up on just as many failures as I have successes."

"Grrr...you..."

"And your next line is going to be: "Go on! Show me what super-overpowered, oh-so-perfect counter ability is to my ant-virtue of Injustice."

"Go on!  Show me what super-overpowered, oh-so-perfect counter ability is to my ant-virtue of Injustice--!  D'YAAAAH!  STOP DOING THAT!"

"Wellll, I was hoping I could resolve this without showing you but...since you asked."

Asriel held out his hand as something neon yellow appeared in his grasp.

"The fallen's six-shooter?  Ptth...I'm beyond disappointed." Chara stared down the barrel of the fallen child's weapon from the Underground. But...wait...didn't Bratty and Catty still have the antique revolver back behind MTT resort. At 350G, it was not exactly cheap to buy from them. But wait...how could Asriel have a connection to that if he never became Flowey and observed all of the fallen children...?

"Actually...I'm just kidding." Asriel pulled the trigger with a click. "It's not even really a gun..." As he said that he started shaking it in a twirling circle.

Now that I could see it...it didn't look the same. In fact it looked more like the cartoon six-shooter from Who Framed Roger Rabbit that Eddie Valiant got from Yosemite Sam for...and I quote "Getting [him] out of the hoosegow."

"What are you doing, Asriel?  It's not a--"  By the time Chara noticed the sudden morph he was clocked upside the chin with something hard.

"What the...?!?" He freaked out.

"It's a gun-chuku!" Asriel pointed to where the neon metal chain had poured out of the barrel and formed the other end of a nunchaku.

"Of all things...you and your damn puns!  So...what?  You're going to use a ranged weapon as a bludgeoning tool?  You're so lame!  Well, you can't touch what's out of range!" Chara jumped back and drew the Real Knife.

"Actually..." Asriel started again as his weapon formed into a familiar light saber.

"You know, thinking back to my first encounter defending Mina from those bullies, I honestly was going to summon this first...buuuuut..." Asriel said with a Hyperdeath shrug and headshake.

"How do you think you're going to touch me with that beam blade from way over--"

That was when he felt something sheer past him, clipping his wrist.

"Ahhhh!!!!" He gasped in horror as he noticed the Tron Light cycle laser contrail stretch out from the sabre's hilt and bend into a maze of light paths before sheering underneath Chara's arm. And the light path was still going.

"What the Hell...a melee weapon that's RANGED?!?"

"Among other things." Asriel drew the saber back, killing the beam contrail and morphing the weapon again...this time into an axe.

"So what?  That thing shoot--"  Chara started before the yellow laser bullets knocked the Real Knife out of his grasp then grazed his cheek.

"Those were warning shots.  I really don't like guns but...someone very strong once told me about the dangers of being naive.  So...I guess it's my time to step up and stop being a crybaby about the things I hate.  Because sometimes we all have to do things we hate."

Chara winced as the last of his Stands was strangled out of existence courtesy of Crimson Purple and ended with an Overdrive attack. I couldn't tell you how awesome it was for Joseph Joestar to team with young Jonathan Joestar. But that was offset by the bittersweet knowledge of knowing what the latter's fate would be once I returned him to his own time.

"Just you and me, No-Name."

"Stop calling me that!  I'm--"  Chara summoned another Real Knife and charged Asriel

"Save it." .

For a good amount of time, Asriel continued to clash against Chara, constantly morphing his new weapon into new shapes and armaments that did the OPPOSITE of what they were expected to do. Blasters and pistols became clubs and stun rods and melee weapons. Blades and ninja weapons, and such became long-ranged shotguns and ray guns and such. Wrist mounted wrist blasters akin to something Iron Man would have instead deployed Wolverine-like claws. And so on.

It seemed like there was no limit to what form this new Justice power could take. But it was more than that...with each weapon, Asriel himself was adapting. His fighting style got more and more flowing to the point I realized he was in a state I compared to Autonomous Ultra Instinct. it was like he didn't even need to think to counter and strike. He had virtually become a fighting machine in this state. And honestly...I couldn't figure out who or what the influence was.

Asriel summoned a Light Saber Staff not unlike Darth Maul's...but yellow in color.

"I won't be fooled by that!  You're going to snipe me with a shotgun blast--"

Chara cried out as he was riddled by a storm of light shards.

"Close.  But wrong." Asriel said as his light sabre bo, continued to break into homing darts and swarm Chara.

He transformed it again into twin sais...that the moment he spun them, Chara was encased in a couple layers of bubble.

"I know you're going to say this weapon is too strong, but...I guess that's why I call this form my...SAI-TAMA!" Asriel let fly with another pun. The second half made sense to Jangese-speakers who realized tama/dama meant ball...or sphere.

Chara did NOT like the One Punch Man reference. Not at all.

"GAAAAAH!!!!" But that anger was only amplified by the rage and pain of the bubble barrier around him violently popping and crushing him from all sides with the sudden pressure change.

"You see the thing about true Justice is that it's adaptable.  It changes based on the situation.  It changes based on new evidence.  It can free the wrongly imprisoned and capture the smooth criminal when you least expect it.  It can turn unsolved mysteries into case closed."

Asriel changed it again, this time into a spear...which immediately shot a laser. And then again into a crossbow...which turned out to be a battering ram in disguise...and then a shield which became flying handcuffs.

"Gah!" Chara struggled to get his wrists unlocked.

And yet another transformation into a mace which unleashed homing sonic shockwaves as Asriel simply held it skyward. And then a sword which formed into capturing bands...like a straitjacket.

And one more transformation revealed a heavy duty chain gun. Asriel walked toward the bound Chara but didn't pull the trigger.

"I know what that one does..." Chara smoldered.

"Well.  I guess you can just call me Stun Gun Azzy." He pointed the barrel at point black...and more or less stapled Chara to the ground with Millie Thompson's weapon from Trigun.

When this battle had ended, Chara had unleashed a plethora of crossovers spanning the whole JoJo's Bizarre Adventure timeline. But Asriel and I had countered them with far more crossovers than he bargained for.

"This isn't over.  Any minute now Adonis will pull me out of here!"

"Well...you're not completely wrong...but you're only half right." I calmly walked over with Jotaro in tow.

"I was going to have my friend here use his own stand, Star Platinum, to unleash the World and freeze you in your tracks.  But then it occurred to me...last time you were here...you caused a lot of people a lot of suffering.  Then today you added a heap more crimes to those lists.  All of which have gone unpunished."

"I agree with Volt on that.  That's why we arranged something a little special." Asriel pointed to the Paling--the domed magic barrier around Miranda that kept certain demons and devils from crossing over into our realm.

"With Prince James and Sarina's help, we temporarily modified that to work in conjunction with his powers." Asriel pointed a thumb over to where Dr. Light's robot master, Time Man was flexing his Time Slow ability. "This will make sure Adonis is...late in picking you up."

"But he will pick me up.  You can't stop that.  It's inevitable."

"This time...we're not going to stop it." I crossed my arms with a smirk.

"..........what?" Chara looked at me, trembling with rage.

At that point Asriel undid the straight jacket but left Chara's wrists and legs shackled.

"You see...there are a lot of people that want to settle the score with you..." Asriel and the Ultra Crew that had assembled around Chara, parted to reveal the gathering crowd of Miranda citizens who hadn't forgotten what Evil Chara had done to them all through their worst fears and nightmares when he was last here.

Chameleon was the first to loom over him.

"I got even with the rabbit for her prank war earlier last month...but that revenge isn't even going to COMPARE to what I do to you for unleashing that nightmare of undead HELL BEASTS upon me!" Chameleon drew his sword and pointed.

Sally had even made a special pit stop to join our group.

"So you think it's funny to taint my memory of him like that..." She cracked her knuckles so loudly, I think Undyne would have been pround.

"Do you know what you've DONE?!" Red grabbed him by the shirt, bringing him uncomfortably close to his shark teeth. "WELL DO YOU?!?!" While he was inadvertently quoting Pop Team Epic, there was NOTHING even remotely funny about his tone or his rage. Chara making him remember Dr. Kirk was well beyond crossing a line with him.

"I should turn you into a toad for what you did!" Sarina clawed at him with her corrupted hand.

By now the mob was pretty big.

"Normally.  I don't condone this." I crossed my arms and turned up my nose.

"And I won't be a part of it." Asriel collapsed his weapon out of existence; dispelling all of its effects...and turned, waving goodbye nonchalantly.

"Heh...heh...some justice...you don't even have the guts to finish me off yourself." Chara's vocoder taunted.

"I said I won't be a part of it.  I never said I'd stop it." He looked over his shoulder before shoving both hands into his jacket pockets and walking off.

And then he said that one thing he had said before.

"I won't end you.  But that doesn't mean I have to spare you."

Somewhere in the Soul Society, I'm sure Chara just smirked. And somewhere in the Containment Unit, the Wraith did whatever the equivalent of anime sneezing when someone was talking about you behind your back.

"I'd ask you to open wide..." Violet began as she inched the tip of the Thunder Spear closer to Chara's face. "Nah.  I don't think I'll finish that one-liner.  Hugh Jackman already carved up something pretty close to what you resemble, already."

"Smile for the camera, pookums..." Velaska said, hefting the giant hypodermic syringe as Violet's shoulder web cam started recording.

It's best that I don't go into detail what happened next.

"Justice is served." Asriel leaned up against the air conditioning unit on the roof, crossing his arms.

"Yup." Harmony agreed as she took off her cowboy hat and placed it on Asriel's head, tilting a bit over his eyes.

Asriel nonchalantly pushed it back up with a single finger, all cowboy like.

"Not proud of it...but it had to be done." He admitted. "No one is above the consequences of their actions.  You do the crime?  You do the time.  And every person in that crowd is owed a cut of that justice."

"Seconded." I nodded.

"Good grief." Jotaro grumbled.

Eventually the crowd dispersed. And after waiting what felt like eternity, Evil-Chara was swallowed up by the Cyber Gate.

"About...t...time..." Chara's vocoder started sputtering out from both the damage and from its dying battery.

"Hmm...I'd ask what happened to you, but...y'know." Adonis tented his hands in front of his snoot.

Evil Chara let out the most pathetic of pained grunts, twitching slightly. Too tired to clutch his wounds.

"I guess I can hold off on your punishment..."

I think Chara uttered a sigh of relief--

"...just kidding."

That was when Chara was dropped down the trap door. There was muffled sobbing soon after.

Sub-Entry 312:  "Hit the Road To Pound the Bad Guys":
Sooner or later, our exploits would come right back to Holly's Dog Pound. But not in the way we expected.

Leave it to the Crossover Wars to mash up two things that at least I should have really seen coming.

But there were far, far worse worlds to collide than the world of the Pound Puppies and the world of the Road Rovers.

I think we know where this is going, but for tradition's sake, let's just dive right in to what happened. And it all started with Captain Slaughter partnering up with General Parvo.

Slaughter, I had briefly touched upon, but even to this day after much research, I came up short with just who he really was. Perhaps the best description I can muster will suffice for now. But don't be disappointed...it really is all I have to go on. And even as a freakin' werewolf, I'm intimidated out of my skull by this dude.

Dressed in the darkest of navy blue buttoned-up overcoats. I was VERY sure both of his hands were very much bionic. I had seen him crush a flashlight EFFORTLESSLY in frustration.

I couldn't quite tell if it was a tucked-in muffler or a wraparound knight's mandible guard. Either way...there was just no seeing his nose, mouth, or much of anything else. But those eyes...those solid, glowing, red eyes. No pupils. Just red, sinister looking shapes peeking out of inky blackness. There was no flesh or surrounding anything to be seen. Just those eyes. Those piercing, evil, evil, EVIL eyes.

He was definitely intelligent and capable of speech...though he did a lot of angry growling. For whatever reason, Brattina Stoneheart had the creepiest of lovey-dovey crushes on him. I think I'm going to need another shower...and some alone time to ward off a week's worth of nightmare fuel.

As for Parvo?

Never trust a military man whose last name is a pretty nasty disease for canines...much less one that wears a suspicious metal helmet that may actually be covering up more than you'd think. As far as clichés go, regarding a dog's enemy, I strangely did not see this one coming. But maybe the coughing fit should lead to of all things...the nastiest hairball I've ever seen coughed up by man or beast.

But beyond that...what could I say about the guy other than he did the best of Jim Cummings cartoon villain impersonations......at least Rotor THINKS it's an impersonation. But I'm getting off track.

"You sure Holly's okay with me borrowing you six for this bait and grab stakeout?  I mean there's a very real chance any or all of you could end up kidnapped by the dognappers."

"Hey.  Just stay cool, my fellow canine.  We got this well in hand...er...paw..." *snicker*

"If that mean-old Captain Slaughter is kidnapping super-duper nice puppies on this world, then we gotta do our bestest best to make everything double-triple ice cream brownie with a cherry on top."

A way with words, Bright Eyes.

"Ahhhh, I'm not scared of some guy with a metal dome on his head!  I come from a long line of famous hunter dogs like my great uncle!  He took down a million...a zillion...a kra-billion nasty bad guys!  Yeah!   He like trained under the police...uh...the F.B.I...uh...the Secret Service...uh...Chuck Norris and a crack team of Navy S.E.A.L.S...with help from the Justice League!  Yeah!  He's best friends with Krypto, even!  Yeah!"

Telling tall tales again, Whopper?

I rolled my eyes and looked to Howler.

"So, from one technician to another, got any helpful gear that will let us keep tabs on each other from a decent range?  I neglected to get I.D. chipped collars for you all.

"I think I might have such the ring...er...clutch the wing...er... *howling* ...just the thing."

This is where Violet would suggest he attend speech therapy with Scooby-Doo and Astro Jetson. But he wouldn't be Howler without that funny quirk of his.

So we geared up with his rather conspicuous 80's applied science and started our stakeout.

Asriel took half the pups to one likely area.

I took the others to the second location.

"Quiet.  Too quiet."

Cooler, Howler, and Nose Marie went with me.

Bright Eyes and Whopper went with Asriel. Okay, so not entirely half since five isn't divisible by two. But math aside it became a relatively quiet wait.

Asriel smiled as his eyes glowed neon cyan. He of course couldn't resist petting his company.

Me, on the other hand? I kept it dignified. If not to keep it from getting back to Jon. Which I know he'd turn up his nose at. Wolf or dog...he had his pride as a canine. A weird contradiction considering how often his animal instincts often led to dog-like behaviors like getting scared of the vacuum or scratching his ear with his hind leg. Those behaviors which made me beg him to show some dignity.

"Do you think they saw through the trap?" Howler asked.

"Well there's a good reflection on our record.  I guess this is why wolves don't become cops."

Asriel withheld a chuckle.

"It's not that bad.  At least this way, nothing bad happens to--"

That was when his com went to static.

"Azzy?  You there buddy?"

I didn't have a good feeling so we high-tailed it. Literally.

It wasn't long before--

"Asriel!" I found him face down with a bump on his head.

A groan and a sign of life.

"You okay there, champ?" Cooler asked.

"Land sakes alive.  You look worse than Brattina entering' a lil' ole beauty pageant."

"Heh...now there's something to cringe at...oww."

"What happened?"

"I think Parvo got the drop on me.  He took Bright Eyes and Whopper.

"Howler.  Any sign of them?"

"The signal's faint...now  they're gone?  How can they just disappear?"

"Cyber Gate.  They've been taken off world."

"But...how will we find them now?" Nose Marie asked.

"Actually...I have a pretty good idea, where.  But we're going to need help on this one.  Fasten your flea collars, we're hitting the road...so to speak."

And before they knew it, I'd taken them all to the secret underground lab of Professor Shephard. I knew what he was like before the bomb that destroyed his laboratory; the one Parvo set as a double-cross in what was supposed to be the exchange of his transdogmafier technology for the life of his own kidnapped canine pet.

He looked the same as I remember...but those glowing white eyes and…always appeared behind a gate of pure, blinding white light.

"This Parvo guy's bad news, doc.  He's already nabbed two of my closest canine pals."

"Fortunately Howler's gizmos are still transmitting.  Parvo hasn't found them yet."

"We also know he's working with someone from off world.  A Captain Slaughter, if you will."

"This is most troubling.  But I believe I have the solution if you are willing to try something a little radical."

"Hey, we're all a little rad, dad." *snicker*  Cooler shrugged.

"Then I'd like you to meet your team.

That was when they entered. Yup. The Road Rovers. Five anthropomorphic dogs...well...and a sixth, not-so-much in a muzzle and strapped to a wheeled restraint table like Hannibal Lecter. I briefly got out of the others that they call him Muzzle for a reason. I'd later figure out after Vi peaked through the Professor's computer records that this was what had happened to the Professor's dog, Scout. A victim of Parvo's experiments that left him berserk and violent.

Howler was quick to hide in the corner of the room. I didn't blame him. Asriel was the only one of us brave enough to approach and even offer a moment of tender affection.

Ahem...back on topic. They were as followed:

Hunter. Golden retriever "cano-sapian". Effective. Optimistic. Loyal. Could get a bit cocky. Yeah, I was familiar with this personality type. Good leader but still had a lot to learn. I'd learn that with trans-dog-mafication that super powers came as a package deal. Not just human like structure, intelligence, and speech. His happened to be supersonic speed. Watch out, Sally. You got another potential rival.

Colleen. Aside from having Foxy's nickname, she was a no nonsense Rough Collie with an English accent. Charming and always checking to make sure everything is running smoothly with the operation. Apparently what came with her cano-sapien package was a mastery of the martial arts. Okay, I'll count that as a super power. Bunnie sure could sell it as one. Well-liked by the team (though I wonder how much of that was just due to her looks?) though she was definitely being crushed on by another member of the team. And that guy would have an all-too familiar archetype.

Blitz. German Doberman and I described him as N-Team version Simon Belmont 2.0. Arrogant, selfish, and cowardly. And a reeeeeally weird obsession with "biting tushies". I guess that makes sense when you were a former guard dog. Apparently likes peppermint milkshakes. He definitely maintains a strained relationship with all of his other team mates. Especially Colleen, who I could tell was crush though it was easy to see his affections were unrequited. Super powers seemed to be unnaturally strong claws and teeth-and-jaws allowing him to shred and bite through just about anything.

Exile. Siberian Husky from Siberia. I've seen this one before; the Russian version of Starfire or Pit (or to a lesser extent...Antoine). The foreigner that mixed up his verbal expressions. But the similarities there stop. He's kind and friendly but harbors a bad temper. When it came to super powers, he hit the jackpot a couple times over. With both heat ray and ice beam eyes, night vision, and super strength, he's definitely the Soviet Superman...er...dog. I guess if Blitz were to have an actual friend in the team, he'd be the closest...out of protest. He's definitely bothered by Blitz's "weird boy" obsession with biting rear ends.

Shag. Old English Sheepdog from Switzerland. Due to his size, he was only partially transformed into Cano-sapian. And that left out a lot from the mix. He walks like a human but speaks in a weird half-dog, half-human dialect. One that even Scooby-Doo would have trouble understanding on a good day. Too big and waaaaaaaaaay too floofy to wear a uniform, like the others, he serves as the cook for the team and gets along with the others rather nicely. Easily trumping Exile in strength, being able to lift two cars at the same time and having so much fur that he serves as a walking backpack...kind of reminding me of Gizmo Man of the Super Globetrotters (the way he kept gadgets and gizmos in his insanely big afro). I quickly learned his drawback was his incredibly cowardly and timid nature in combination with his trouble understanding the team's own vehicles and technology, often causing them to backfire on him.

This was the team (counting Muzzle as their secret, uncontrollable weapon). But I wasn't prepared for the twist in our new alliance. I don't think Holly would have been ready for it either. So I'll just cut to the part where Cooler, Nose Marie, and Howler all took a ride in the Transdogmafier. C'mon...a crossover like this, and you really think I'm spoiling anything?

"I could get use to this.  What do you think?  The cool get even cooler.  Eyyyyyyy!"

He was more like the Fonze than ever. And the uniform didn't look half bad. I'd soon discover he gained air manipulation. Usually preferring to keep it a "cool breeze" to fan off with in the hot sun. But I suspected if we got him actually mad (did that ever happen?) he'd probably have gale force winds and tornados at his disposal. Huh...a hero who was like the wind...where have I heard that before? No fair chiming in, Sally.

"Oooh-la-la.  This body is just the Scarlet O'Hara of cano-sapians.  Just call me the Pixie from Dixie!" With that Southern drawl, she was selling it. So what power did she get? Apparently sound manipulation. Perfect for charming the pants off a certain cool character...or blowing his eardrums out when her advances went unnoticed. Yeah, now we had two one-way crushes in the team.

"Golly this form's sure is awkward.  I'm going to have to get used to talking on two pegs...er...chalking on two begs...er....*howling*...walking on two legs."

Howler seemed to gain the power to manipulate gears through magnetism and build of large charges of static electricity in his fur. Works for me.

"Let's hit the Road, Rovers!"

"And New and Improved Pound Puppies, let's start Pounding!"

From there it became a series of Hijinx in a series of battles with Parvo's cano-mutants attempting to throw us off the trail as well as interesting and sometimes amusing interactions between team mates.

Cooler and Hunter hit it off pretty well. No competition here, just two buds being buds.

Colleen and Nose Marie certain had the banter and the knack for girl talk. But on the subject of love and crushes...yeah Nose Marie found that her new bestie was too much all-business for any interest in relationships and less helpful for advice with getting Cooler to notice her. Sorry, gal. You'll just have to chase after him the old fashioned way.

Howler quickly found himself on the end of borderline bullying from Blitz. Did I mention that these two worlds were very situated between the late 80's and early 90's in timelines? Yeah...the idea of nerds being cool would have to wait. Thankfully he had Exile to stick up for him. In turn Howler was glad to help out Shag with his techno-awkwardness.

After clashing with Parvo's second-in-command, the wily woman who called herself the Groomer, we managed to get into Parvo's command center.

Howler and I played merry heck with the security and electrical systems.

Exile and Shag tore apart anything that needed not so precise work.

Asriel slipped in and was able to rescue Bright Eyes and Whopper with Nose Marie and Colleen as his backup.

Shag stayed behind as backup...and to hide from all the noise and violence.

Somewhere at some point, while I was finding my way around the research and development lab for all of Parvo's unsafe toys...

"What the...?" I noticed the metal cage with a pair of mice in them.

"How unexpected.  And I thought we were supposed to be the cameos in this show."

"Brain?"

"My reputation precedes me."

"I'd say it's more your unusually large head that proceeds you.  What are you doing out of Acme Labs."

"Apparently on loan to the lowest bidder.  No matter.  This distraction will provide just the essentials I need to--"

"NARF!"

"...be undercut by my lesser half, it would seem."

"That doesn't make sense, brain!  If you had a lesser half, then how would you be a whole?  You're the same size left to right!  Right?"

".......that was so dumb it made tomatoes actually smarter."

"So what do you want to do tonight, Brain?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinkie."

Say it with me.

"Try to take over the world!"

Yeah...good luck with that. I headed out of the lab, shaking my head.

After setting Muzzle loose to cause a distraction...

It finally came down to facing off with Slaughter.

"I've hunted you for a long time now...you will be my ultimate trophy."

"Can I give a liiiiittle bitty bit of advice?  You might want to win a bowling tournament.  The trophies they hand out are much better than a pup's head on the wall."

A swing and a miss. And not just from Cooler's joke. That punch came a little too close for comfort.

"Okay.  I'm mad!  I'm furious!  I'm enraged!  And...and...and I'm a little tea cup short and stout...and boy am I steam!"

Out came the tornados.

Cooler actually lost his cool. Who knew?

Actually...now that I think back about it...there WAS that time he lost his "woogie"...that is, his security blanket. Twice. I probably shouldn't be talking about it behind his back.

At the same time, Parvo swiveled around in his chair to face Hunter.

"A long time coming, General.  I think it's time you got demoted!"

"Laugh all you want.  This rivalry ends here and now." Parvo suppressed a MASSIVE coughing fit.

"Might want to see a doc about that."

And the battle began.

Before it all ended, Cooler had left Slaughter plastered to the wall in ice and snow with what I can only describe as Power Gear enhanced Tundra Storm from our outing fighting Dr. Wily a bit back.

And while Hunter was victorious, Parvo managed to escape. But not before his biggest coughing fit.

"Grrr....we'll get him yet--"  Hunter looked down at the squishy, wet mess he stepped in.

"What the...a hairball?  Gross."

Hunter cocked his head, a bit confused. "Wait a minute...did he...?" He looked toward where Parvo had escaped to. "Huh...it's hard to believe...but it would explain why I really don't like that guy.

Needless to say Whopper's and Bright Eyes' reactions were a mouthful, so I'll spare you Whopper's lies about knowing the Justice League and the Avengers and how he's going to be the next Cano-Sapian hero. And while it pains me to do so...I'm going to not order dessert from the menu that is Bright Eyes' sweet talk.

"Let's...not tell Holly about this." I cautioned.

"Sure.  But before we do, there's onnnnne thing we'd like to do before we go back to being regular pups..."

At the house of Katrina Stoneheart.

"OH PIPE DOWN!  I'M COMING!  The nerve of some people bothering a busy woman.  Is it too much to scheme the end of the Pound in peace and not be interrupted by the doorbell?"

"Who's banging on our door and ringing that icky-poo doorbell, mommy dearest!  Make them stop!  I can't hear myself think!"

Catgut hissed.

"Whoever they are, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind--"

The door opened.

"Better not give too much.  You don't have that much to spare." I grinned a toothy grin in my werewolf form.

"Remember us?" Asriel had deactivated the Unitrix disguise.

"And we brought some friends who'd like to have a word with you over your hatred of fellow canines..." Asriel and I stepped to the sides, parting a path for all five of the Cooler troop to show up at her doorstep in Cano-Sapian transformation.

"Oh, Katty?  Special delivery.  One dog pile, extra size!"

The screams went on for days even though we only left after an hour. Just long enough for Cooler and company to change back and be returned to Holly.

"Now I know why they call it the Dog Days of Summer, Volt."

"Perfectly timed, Goat Son.  Perfectly timed.

Sub-Entry 313:  " Gatchaman G-Force Eagle Riders vs. Silverhawks":
With a number like 313, I really wanted this entry to relate to an adventure with Samus during that Metroid Prime 3: Corruptions incident in our past; maybe the timeline got messed up by another of Chaopolis' interferences. Anyone actually familiar with Galactic Federation lore would understand exactly why this number means something. Especially if you're familiar with the AURORA project. But that said...no such luck this time around

Not say that Samus wasn't completely unrelated to where we were going with this, since our favorite Archangel and former partner of hers joined us on this one.

"I hope we can get this resolved easily.   I mean...I don't see why we wouldn't?  I worked with the Silverhawks during the Crossover Wars crunch when you and Asriel were trapped in that other Videoland." Pit was his optimistic self.

"Yeah...it's not them I'm worried about.  It's the other opposing side.  They haven't been informed about the danger of Chaopolis so they'll be easily duped into whatever Adonis has in store for them."

"They'll think we're the aggressors?"

"Wouldn't put it past "Donnie".  Asriel crossed his arms.

"Oh no..." Pit looked pensive. "I don't want to have to fight heroes that don't know any better any more than I want to fight friends."

"That's the way it goes until we can set the record straight and get everyone on the same page." I pounded my fist into my palm.

"So where is their world?"

"You're going to find that there are a lot of Earth AU's out there in our InfinityVerse, branching off the Axis of Realities." I rubbed my furry chin.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  I don't think I'll ever get bored of different versions of Earth.  Seems like a great planet to call home in any universe."

"Some more than others.  You wouldn't want to be on Earth at the time of the event of a recently discovered AU in the Toonami Belt of our neighboring galaxy.  Apparently 3700 years have passed since every form of life on the planet was turned to stone."

"Yikes!  It sounds like Goddess Medusa found her way there."

"You'd think so.  But know.  We don't know what caused it.  And we haven't confirmed that there are any life forms roaming the planet...yet.  Bunnie had a vision of two young men--one of great strength, the other of great intelligence."

"Wait...this sounds like that Dr. Stone thing that Violet just got in at Computer Valhalla's anime repository."

"Could be."

"I do not wish to interrupt, Commander, but we are getting off topic."

"Right."

"What about the others?"

"A.E.O.N.'s experienced a delay in satellite telemetry.  But Dr. Nicodimus advised I look to the past during my collaboration with......with Universal City and try to dust off what's left of the pieces of their archives that were backed up into the now-defunct oracle node, Oubliette."

"Oooh.  Hits close to an old sore spot.  Sorry, Volt." Asriel looked remorseful.

"Don't worry about it.  Any information that survived is still proof it existed."

"Did you come up with anything?"

"A few kilobytes of a dossier describing a "ninja science team", code-named Gatchaman.  As a heads-up, Asriel, many sectors of Universal City have counterparts in our own UltraVerse.  The difference is, theirs were far ahead into the future.  While our favorite Saiyan, Goku was taking his four-year-old son Gohan to see Master Roshi and company, their version had already vanquished Majin Buu and was on the cusp of the G.T. era."

"Eesh.  Do we even consider that canon in our universe?  I mean, what with the whole Beerus thing and Super Saiyan Blue and the Tournament of Power--"

"Well that's the now-now....little Gorillaz reference with Spaceballs undertones there...I imagine if Universal City were still around, they'd be deep into that "Dragon Ball Heroes" era that Daimyou has foreseen in a vision--"

"Again, Commander.  Off topic."

"Right.  Back on topic.  I've been trying to come up with a match in our own universe, but nothing has clicked yet.  I've asked KOMMAND to dive the old network system.  She claims she might have something somewhere in the sealed records of the Tatsunoko account that might give us a heads-up on who to look for and what powers to expect."

"Sounds like a good start."

"You know what the best part is about this?" Asriel suddenly got very giddy.

"What's that?"

"We're going to space again!"

Such a kid. I wasn't complaining; I loved seeing him in this hyper-genki fanboy mood.

So we took a ride to the Earth in question in the Delorean.

The targeted time period? The 29th Century. The 2800's, Ano Domini.

I my absence, through Bunnie, KOMMAND was able to brief Pit.

As follows, Pit even provided the word-for-word account of A.E.O.N.'s database of a summary of their world and their situation:  A bionic policeman called Commander Stargazer recruited the SilverHawks, heroes who are "partly metal, partly real," to fight the evil Mon*Star, an escaped alien mob boss who transforms into an enormous armor-plated creature with the help of Limbo's Moonstar.

Joining Mon*Star in his villainy is an intergalactic mob: the snakelike Yes-Man, the blade-armed Buzz-Saw, the "bull"-headed Mumbo-Jumbo, a weather controller called Windhammer, a shapeshifter known as Mo-Lec-U-Lar, a robotic card shark called Poker-Face, the weapons-heavy Hardware, and "the musical madness of" Melodia who uses a "keytar" that fires musical notes.

Quicksilver (formerly Jonathan Quick) leads the SilverHawks, with his metal bird companion Tally-Hawk at his side.

Twins Emily and Will Hart became Steelheart and Steelwill, the SilverHawks's technician and strongman respectively.

Country-singing Bluegrass piloted the team's ship, the Maraj.

Rounding out the group is a youngster "from the planet of the mimes," named "The Copper Kidd" and usually called "Kidd" for short; a mathematical genius who spoke in whistles and computerized tones.

Their bionic bodies are covered by a full-body close-fitting metal armor that only exposes the face and an arm, the armor is equipped with a retractile protective mask, retractable under-arm wings (except Bluegrass), thrusters on their elbows, and laser-weapons in their shoulders.

Once on site, we rendezvoused with Commander Sinman Stargazer--A tough and grizzled old cop with bionic capabilities. He captured Mon*Star several years ago and had him imprisoned. Older than the other SilverHawks, he longs to return to Earth for either a vacation or for retirement. He chiefly serves as the SilverHawks "eyes and ears", keeping them apprised of their current situation.

His armor was gold, covering the upper left portion of his head as well as his body, and his left eye had been replaced by a telescopic lens. Stargazer wore a white button up shirt, loosened necktie, suspenders and slacks, making him resemble a stereotypical plainclothes police officer.

He had choice words to say about the apparent enemy. Most of them I'll redact from this document. But it seemed my suspicions were right. Adonis definitely turned heroes against one another, yet again.

"Hmmm."

"Man, someone should tell Adonis his M.O. is getting stale." Asriel sneered.

"Never mind that.  A.E.O.N. dropped a twist on me that I wasn't ready for.  It seems that there are more AU parallel versions of the Gatchaman science ninja team of Universal City than I was prepared for.  And...I'm not sure which one "Donny" dropped on us."

"How many others are there?"

I sighed and read off the list.

"Battle of the Planets...G-Force...and Eagle Riders.  And a lesser splinter dimension in the Harmony Gold region of our equivalent of the Tatsunoko "sea dragon" nebula of what was Universal City.  This iteration parallels a lot of what A.E.O.N. has on the "Tatsunoko vs. Capcom" incident.  It almost drew Shinra's attention."

"That organization tasked with combating Ouma?"

"The same."

"Huh." Asriel pondered. "Roll Light and Zero got mixed up in that with Mega Man Volnutt, somehow."

"Yeah.  Along with a crop of other persons of interest--both hero, villain, and neutral--from the Capcom solar system.  Even Jon's old acquaintance, Morrigan Aensland was said to be part of that."

"Maybe it's more than coincidence that Aunt Vi was able to track down both Tron Bonne and Princess Devilotte de Deathsatan the...well I don't know which generation she is.  Some big Roman number."

"Space Pirate Kings have little imagination with naming their kids, hun?" I shrugged, jokingly.

Well. Once the debriefing was over, we met our team. Yeah. It didn't bode well for me when we picked a side right off the bat instead of being an impartial third party. Either way will make enemies. But showing favoritism just always felt like an unintentional jerk move on our part.

Once in the hanger, we met our team, did some quick bonding and then set off for space where the "jump gate" orbital ring had just finished construction. We'd get to the meeting place in record time.

"Miraj.  Cool name for a ship."

While our main team was pretty much assembled, Stargazer assured us we had additional backup in the form of other Silverhawks. Pit hadn't actually met them, but he was briefed on them.

Hotwing - A gold SilverHawk of African American. A magician and skilled illusionist. Hotwing received his powers from a mystical energy force that 'chose' him to bear the powers to fight against injustice. He has to recharge these powers every 14 years, otherwise he will die.

Flashback - A green time-traveling Silverhawk from the far future. When he met the 'much older' Stargazer who foretold him of the fateful day the SilverHawks died, Flashback traveled back in time to save them from an exploding sun. He also traveled back in time to stop Hardware from destroying the SilverHawks (when the mad inventor sabotaged the Maraj during their hyperspace-sleep to Hawk-Haven from Earth, which would have caused the autopilot to fly them straight into the sun).

Moon Stryker - A turquoise Silverhawk. He could propel himself through space by a powerful cyclone generated from propellers that emerge from his waist. He is cocky but an expert marksman, as demonstrated when he shot a pen out of Stargazer's hand when they first met.

Condor - An old ally of Stargazer, whom Condor calls "Gaze". Condor left the SilverHawks to become a private investigator before the main team was commissioned, but eventually returned. Instead of wings, he has a jetpack.

But now it was time to focus on the main team.

Since Azzy and I were not-so-metal; entirely real, I had to get the necessary space suits and gear and anything I could from NASADA, a stone's throw away from the city of Angel Grove in Power Rangers territory. It always seems to come back to our equivalent of super sentai, doesn't it? And somehow not unrelated to our current dilemma of a team of five martial artists donning powerful suits and using weapons as a squadron for justice.

"Hold onto your lunch, Goat Son." We buckled up and strapped in as Bluegrass set our coordinates and jetted off.

"I apologize again for requesting your engineers to redesign the Maraj to accommodate us.  Your military has bent over backwards for our selfish demands."

"Now you cut that out, y'hear?  You're our guests in this hoedown.  It's only the right neighborly thing to do for folks from out of town brave enough to head out into space and set those ornery varmints straight about who we are."

"Thanks, Mr. Bluegrass.  You sure we can't just around some kind of negotiations or peace talks?  Neither side is the enemy."

"I know, pard'ner.  It's a political mess between words, and the time for settling things like adults has plum run out.  We Silverhawks don't go pickin' fights, but if someone intends to step on our turf, even if they're misguided and being controlled like puppets...well, son, we still gotta step up and give them what for as a last resort."

"Man...war is so uncool." Asriel sighed.

"Our last adventure had us sticking to our human disguises.  It's finally a relief we can visit a world and a time period where no one freaks out over a six foot werewolf and a walking, talking goat."

"Shoot, you ain't the craziest lookin' folk to come into our solar system like a tumbleweed.  Heck, we even got a kid from the Mime Planet on our team.  Spunky kid, smart as a whip."

"Yeah, the Copper Kidd.  I like the way his vocoder sounds." Asriel grinned. "It almost sounds like he's talking but Aunt Vi says it's a complex array of mathematical fractals made audible that resemble whistles and tones that just happen to play a trick on the mind to sound like speech run through a VOX."

"You've been briefed on each set of counterparts."

"Right."

"Something to keep in mind is that depending which one it is, there might be a proxy between them and Adonis, pulling the strings.  And depending which parallel universe they're from, will probably determine who it is."

"Yeah.  Could be Zoltar, Galactor or Lukan.  Or possibly Gel Sadra or Mallanox...no other names were listed though A.E.O.N. didn't specify what that is.

"Volt, if the Silverhawks team  can clear a path to whatever agency they report to, your best bet is to get a one-on-one with whoever their science director is."

"That would be either Chief Anderson, Dr. Benjamin Brighthead, or Dr. Thaddeus Keane...depending which spoke of the Axis of Reality we're dealing with.  And yeah...I was thinking the same.  Talk to the guy in charge, and maybe he can call off the battle."

"isn't this how most of these "verses" teamups happen?"

"You're not wrong, considering how many clashes with Super Sentai I had long before your day. While I was working with the Universal Detectives, I had a chance to work with Sentai Teams that our universe doesn't have counterparts to.  I'd estimate if they would have over 200 individual sentai "rangers" that have worn the suit if they were still around today."

"Wow."

Once we left the atmosphere and the Earth's gravitational field we jetted toward the jump gate.

"I'm just glad we're not going to that Limbo Galaxy."

"It was where that sidewinding snake, Mon*Star was locked up in Penal Planet 10."

"I've never heard of a werewolf alien transforming into a robot under the light of a full moon." Asriel gave a funny look.

"News to me, Azzy."

"It's a bit more complicated than that but that's it in a nutshell."

"I bet Vi would be jealous to learn this guy's a quintillionaire mob boss."

"Offset by the fact this guy is a total psycho from what his rap sheet reads." Asriel clicked off his scanner visor and then crossed his arms and closed his eyes to think a bit.

"Hey, you're going to miss the jump to hyperspace...or...whatever."

"Yeah...can't miss that." Asriel opened his eyes again and took in the sights.

"May the Force be with us."

"You both say a lot of things that just don't make a lick of sense."

"Yeah.  We do that."

Guess there were some worlds in the 80's that actually hadn't heard of Star Wars. Though it wasn't all that surprising, all things considered. One world's science fact was another's science fiction. Or...something.

Finally the gate spit out in a section between worlds.

"That's the place."

"And that's where hopefully negotiations won't break down too fast." I frowned.

But no sooner than we entered air space when took on heavy fire.

"Well...that would be the rocket ship, Phoenix..." I narrowed my eyes, recognizing the form from what little I could pull from the Oubliette database of archived Universal City data scraps.

"Just a warning...even the Maraj can't take being speared by the Phoenix in its firebird form."

"Right!  Silverhawks!  Sound off!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"Sound off!"

"Three!"

And what I assume was Copper Kidd saying "Four".

"Prepare to launch!"

Each of the four members, not piloting the ship (obviously) forged their faceplates, melding theme with their helmets.

"Release!"

Each one's personal cockpit opened, and they launched out and took to the sky once the ships were within the atmosphere of the planet; elbow, arm, and foot thrusters providing propulsion as they deployed wings from their arms. Yeah...partly metal, partly real.

In retaliation, the crew of the Phoenix deployed and sailed down to meet their opponents.

"I don't get it.  Why would either side pre-emptively attack without at least trying to negotiate first?"

That was when I saw a giant star ship and a fleet of attack cruisers materialize behind the Maraj and point their weapons at the still not-named science ninja bird team.

"That's why..." I narrowed my eyes as something came out of deep space and quickly got behind the science ninja bird team.

"Volt...I think that's Mon*Starr!"

Asriel pointed to the HEAVILY armored beast of a warrior, at the pilot controls of a mechanical shuttle harness attached to a giant space squid creature--the Sky-Runner...and behind him were three craft which A.E.O.N.'s data feed identified as the open-cab spacecraft called the Zoomer, Road Star, and Limbo Limo. Asriel and I quickly identified Yes-Man, Mo-Lec-U-Lar, and Hardware. Then Melodia, Windhammer, and Mumbo Jumbo.

"This reeks of Dr. Equinox.  He always loved unbalancing equations by ironically using two-fold pincer plans.  Their enemies appear sided with the Silverhawks, while Mon*Star's mob appear sided with them."

"A double-double-cross." Asriel wrinkled his snoot. "We're going to have to work fast to diffuse this.  Maybe we can get info on the ones who're posing as our allies?"

"A.E.O.N.'s finally got an I.D.  It's Mallonox." I growled.

"Then we're facing off against the Eagle Riders?"

"Looks like it."

"This seems like a lot of voo-doo who-doo just to get us at each other's throats." Bluegrass was moments from launching the detachable cruiser from the main cockpit section of the Maraj before our explanation had him second-guessing offering support. Unlike the other four, Bluegrass' armor wasn't built with flight capability...but seeing as he was the pilot and de facto commander, carrying the military rank of colonel...it kinda made sense.

"Bluegrass, can you get me down there in a way that allows me to appear as third party?  Maybe I can negotiate or at least slow them down and give Volt a chance to head into the opposing side's gateway back to their Earth AU."

"That's crazy, Asriel.  It's not that I don't trust the Silverhawks or the Eagle Riders.  It's Mallanox and Mon*Starr I don't trust.  Either of their forces will light you up in a heartbeat."

"Maybe.  If they can catch me." Asriel's eyes lit up neon blue as the OGPX suit and sandals materialized.

"If I'm fast enough and give them too many targets to focus on, then it's more a matter of a question whether either side focuses on their respective enemies or me.  If I seem insignificant enough, they'll ignore me as a distraction."

"That's a big gamble."

"You leave the gambling to me.  I know it's not your thing."

"I don't gamble with your life, Goat Son...but....I do trust you.  Do what you have to, but don't you DARE die on me."

"Wasn't planning on it.  Fly me to the moon, Bluegrass...figuratively speaking.  And Volt?  Get to the opposite jump gate and go through.  Find the Global Security Council on their world and seek out Dr. Thaddeus Keane.  Talk to him and convince him that the only logical course of action is a team-up.  An alliance between Silverhawks and Eagle Riders."

I nodded. We set the plan in motion.

As if anticipating our moves, Mallanox and Mon*Starr had personally gone down to oversee the plan went smoothly according to Adonis' design. They laid it on thick to cover up indication that they were actually working together to divide and conquer.

Asriel was quick but he wasn't quick enough to stop the first warning shots and the beginning of hand-to-hand combat.

Hunter and Quicksilver squared off. Hunter caught him off guard with the use of his Razor Boomerang, but Quicksilver's shoulder lasers were able to pin him down.

Steelheart and Steelwill were up against Joseph "Joe" Thax A.K.A. G2/Condor and Kelly Jenner A.K.A. G3/Swan. Between the twins' weapons it was a back and forth against Joe's pistol weapon and Kelly's weaponized yo-yo. Of course she wasn't the only one wielding a yo-yo.

That left the Copper Kidd pitting his own yo-yo weapon against Jimmy the Falcon (though he was actually a swallow) and his bolo.

With just the right maneuvers and some floating asteroid debris floating uniquely in the planetoid's unique magnetic gravity field, Asriel's entrance was stealthy and able to get in between Quicksilver and Hunter Harris A.K.A. "G1"/Eagle.

"Wait!  I've come to negotiate a cease-fire." Asriel had been accessing A.E.O.N. for info and was doing a very quick cram on everything he could on Mime Planet. By now he had acquired enough to be able to signal Copper Kidd in a way that he'd understand and hopefully he could convince the others to play along."

"Who are you?"

"A neutral party sent to sort out this mess and warn you all that you've been deceived!  Your enemies are using this as an opportunity to pit two different hero factions against each other!"

"This is an unexpected complication.  Adonis didn't tell us that UCIAT would mobilize this quickly!" Mallanox thought, looking Mon*Starr in the eye.

"Grrr...we may have just been played...partner." Mon*Starr was thinking the same.

"Do not believe this insignificant bug.  He must work for the enemy!" Mallanox tried to stir the pot.

"Lies!  I will not be disrespected by the likes of you and your accusations!  This furry creature is obviously your pawn!"

"This will not do!"

"You will die!" Mon*Starr began his Light Star beam attack on Asriel to try to throw fuel on the fire. But his attack seemed to phase through his target. That was when he noticed the other Asriel copies in position to counter.

"What trick is this?!"

"The kind where I do THIS!" Asriel's ARMS Fist hit Mon*Starr from behind, knocking him free of the Sky-Runner AND throwing off his next Light Star beam; which in turn missed its target but hit part of Mallanox's armada.

"...!!!"  Mallanox whirled. "This was not part of the plan!  Are you double-crossing me?!" He almost said aloud before pointing his weapon...seemingly at another Asriel...but briefly pointed it in Mon*Starr's direction, considering testing his partner's "loyalty".

"Do not trifle with me!" Mon*Starr preemptively warned...not just as an act but as a genuine threat.

All the while, space suit equipped and NX Switchboard rocketing me at full thrust, I dove into the jump gate fast and electromrophed, homing in on where A.E.O.N. had ID-ed the doctor's lab in the headquarters on their Earth.

Granted, I did end up causing a stir and a bit of mess as I cut a path through security, soldiers, and whatever stood in my way before magnetically prying open the sealed doors to the chamber where Dr. Thaddeus Keane was seated at a mainframe.

"Dr. Keane?  We need to talk." I got to the point.

Meanwhile on the battlefield, Asriel was having to bust out a few more tricks. He made sure to telegraph to both hero factions that he was on their side by only targeting Mallanox's troops and Mon*Starr's henchmen.

At some point Hunter and Quicksilver were deadlocked in a standoff while having a stare down, grappling with each other. Each shifted their eyes to their "partners in crime" for the briefest moments...then to the multiple Asriels before another stare down...this time with different looks in their eyes.

Without warning, Quicksilver pulled down his visor and unleashed his laser weapons on Mallanox!

"What!"

At the same time, Hunter's razor cutter managed to clip Mon*Starr.

"The plan is falling apart!"

"What the...!"

That was when I made my return with Dr. Keane in tow.

Mallanox tried to seize the opportunity to assassinate, but my magnetic barrier quickly put a stop to that.

"I believe if this isn't proof enough...we can pretty much figure out, now, who's on whose side.  So.  Anyone who isn't a bad guy...how about taking down the ones who are?"

At this point the Eagle Riders and Silverhawks stopped fighting...and then gave a nod.

"ATTENTION, MY ARMADA!  DESTROY THEM!  DESTROY THEM ALL!"

"You dare?!" Mon*Starr ordered his mob to retaliate immediately with their vastly more powerful abilities.

Mo-Lec-U-Lar uses his ability to reconstruct his own molecular structure to infiltrate and sabotage; easily impersonating the ranks of Mallanox's troops.

Melodia's key-tar weapon tore up the field with its destructive music.

Mumbo-Jumbo used brute strength and fire breathing.

Windhammer's giant tuning fork channeled the elements of lightning and its wrath knew no bounds.

Leaving Hardware to bust out many different weapons of mass destruction, including of all things a particle weapon, powered by something I recognized off the bat.

"The Amber Amplifier!" I grit my teeth. "This is bad."

It turned out it wasn't the actual one that energized an artificial sun but a supposed copy that he had made after synthesize some discovered rare ore. But it got the job done...especially since its polarity wasn't deliberately labeled backwards as Professor Power had done as a security measure. It easily cleaved through my magnetic barrier but missed both me and the doctor.

"Asriel!  Take that weapon down!"

The battle raged on for quite a while until the Eagle Riders' fifth member and pilot of the Phoenix activated its firebird mode and speared Mallanox's flag ship, tearing it to pieces.

"...this alliance is over, Mon*Starr!  All troops fall back!"

"Cowards!  None may stand against he might of Mon*Starr!"

"Then let us put that to the test!" Both Hunter and Quicksilver, with Asriel and myself made a simultaneous attack on Mon*Starr at that moment.

Completely overwhelmed, Mon*Starr's infusion of energy from the Moonstar of Limbo gave out, cancelling his transformation. His true form seemed to be a red cat-monster alien.

"That's the ugliest were-cat I've ever seen." I mused.

"Master!" Yes-Man, ever the sycophant, was quick to retrieve his fallen boss and fall back."

"We will meet again!  All of you are now enemies of Mon*Starr!" He swore as they all retreated into deep space.

With the last of the troops done for, the battlefield fell quiet.

"I'll take that, thank you." Asriel picked up the weapon and yanked out the Amber Amplifier Rod.

"Hmm...." He pondered a moment...before unscrewing the electrode cap from one end.

"Azzy, what are you doing?"

"Just figured it out." He said as he spilled the contents into his hand. A yellow, rubbery plasma liquid that maintained its shape for a moment before it started crystallizing into a familiar shape.

"It's the yellow soul crystal?" I blinked.

"Yeah.  That makes five of these.  Two more out there, somewhere."

"And we're still no closer to finding out what they're for."

"We will.   Someday.  For now.  The battle's over.  And I think we got new allies."

Azzy and I looked upon Hunter and Quicksilver for a moment...before we all agreed to a four-way high-five. Suffice to say...we had an alliance. But the details of that are a boring story to be archived. For now...home was looking good. This was more than enough space adventure for the both of us...at least for now.

Sub-Entry 314:  "Where On Earth is the Mighty One and James Bond Jr.?":
What better way to start off a sub-entry with this number than with pie?

As you probably guessed, Asriel and I dropped in on Rock-Afire Pizzeria solely for the reason of ordering dessert.

For a few years, now, Mitzi has been practicing to master Toriel's recipe for Butterscotch-Cinnamon pie, with Asriel being her all-too-willing taste-tester to gauge w close she had come to perfection. While it was true that a number of things from his old life were fading from memory...one thing he never forgot was the taste of his mother's pie.

Though Toriel's specialty was snail pie...this was the flavor that most of us preferred. Can't imagine why, huh? Ohhhh, I'm sure anyone reading this could think of a reason. One that doesn't involve Antoine explaining the culinary art of the perfect escargot.

"I wish I could eat this every day."

"But then you'd get spoiled on it, Azzy.  It wouldn't be as special, right?"

"Got me there."

Mitzi came back with our drink orders, too.

"One Volt Cola float and one peppermint milkshake.  Shaken...not stirred."

I looked at Asriel for a moment.

"What?" He grinned.

I wasn't really that surprised when Asriel became fascinated with the spy game. It just seemed like the next step in his superhero worship. Spies were like more subtle comic heroes but without the super powers and usually more surgical in their methods. The idea of less collateral damage in the grand scheme sat well with goat son as he got older and more responsible.

Or maybe it had something to do with Jon mentioning something about him getting fitted for a tuxedo a while back. Oh boy.

"Someone's waiting for the next movie in the series."

"It's been forever since I watched Skyfall and Spectre."

"Not going to mention Quantum of Solace?"

"With a name like that?" Asriel prodded, jokingly. "I preferred Casino Royale."

"I think you're only seeing the tail end of the big picture.  Daniel Craig wasn't the only one.  There were others to don the double-oh-seven number in Her Majesty's M-I-6."

"I know.  Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan."

"You left out the lone one with George Lazenby."

"Right, right.   I still have more of Vi's collection to borrow."

So, with our bellies full, it was off to adventure.

"I know you were probably counting on an off-world adventure delving into the spy game, but beggars can't be choosers.  So I hope you don't mind, terribly, if I offer something along the lines of a detective agency as a substitute."

"Well, it wasn't what I was hoping for, but I'm sure it'll still be good.  What's the job?"

"We've been asked to assist the Acme Detective Agency with their biggest ongoing case.  We're going after a thief."

"Lupin the Third?"

"No, no.  But you're in the right tier if we're ranking thieves by their skill, the size of their scores, and level of success."

"So...Marcel rank?"

"Yeah, that's a pretty good estimation...but you're going to have to scale the size up juuuust a bit."

"...how...much?"

"Well..."

With this cliffhanger moment in place I then take us to the Earth A.U. in question by means of the "C-5" system. A cyber gate not unlike our own and operated on a budget not that much smaller than ours (thanks to Vi's extra finances).

"...I think the better question is not what and how much.  But rather who and--"

"WHERE ON EARTH IS CARMEN SANDIEGO!" The sudden appearance of the holographic form of the Chief of the Acme Detective Agency appeared before us, larger than life.

The big blond hair with a mullet, the large, elongated jaw, and the glasses. Kinda resembled my mentor, Egon Spengler. But if you injected Max Headroom's spastic, flamboyance into him and gave him all the flair and style of a game show host. You'd definitely have the makings of a guy crossing the border between the late 80's and early 90's.

"Hey, Chief.  Glad we can help out."

"This case is so much of a doozy, it's got my hard drive spinning day and night!  I can't offload enough of my RAM to get a good night's hibernation!"

It occurred to me that on this world, during this time period, the Chief was less likely an actual person and more likely a fully autonomous A.I. construct.

Sure enough I checked A.E.O.N and this was what turned up:  The head of ACME. Short for Computerized Holographic Imaging Educational Facilitaro, his role consisted of providing exposition, information, alerts of Carmen's recent crime, and comic relief. He had a very intimate professional and personal relationship with Carmen. He once also had a robotic body while working with Carmen back when she was still part of the ACME Detective Agency.

"Cool." Asriel seemed impressed. By this point it was casual of him to spend almost as much time in his human form via the Unitrix as he did his real goat hybrid form.

I'd soon learn that this was another of those worlds with a strange take on the fourth wall. Not necessarily breaking it, mind you...but it harkened back to our time in ReBoot, realizing that this world...really was just a game to a player on the outside. I guess that made Asriel and myself the expansion pack?

Wonky reality aside...UCIAT quickly reestablished our ties to ACME thanks to Bunnie's previous work in law enforcement during her rookie UCIAT days. With Asriel the newbie, I felt it best to get him up to speed on what we were up against.

Honestly, I figured this would be a simple story without any twists. But Adonis had his own agenda at the behest of his council of S.T.C. traitors;  who quickly provided him with plans and ideas to steal. Asriel and I wouldn't see the sudden crossover...make that crossovers, plural...coming until they actually smacked us in the face. Usually these things happened before we even deployed. So fair spoiler warning...this was a change of pace.

"So...this ACME detective agency has been around a long time."

"Yeah, and the Chief and I have something in common with former understudies..." I narrowed my eyes as I crossed my arms.

"This is Carmen Sandiego." The Chief pulled up her profile. "An international thief and the head of V.I.L.E. Despite the name of her organization, she has a strong code of morals and only steals for the challenge of it."

"Your Adonis, so to speak." Asriel reasoned. "So she went bad and became a thief.  But the way you describe it, she doesn't sound like that bad a person.  The parallels to Lupin are pretty coincidental."

"You're not far off.   But she has a lot bigger crew compared to Lupin's own Daisuke Jigan, Goemon Ishikawa, and Fujiko Minei." With the chief's permission I pulled up a list of known agents of V.I.L.E.

"You're gonna love this.  Read em and chuckle." I smirked.

"Sara Bellum, Abe L. Body, Al Loy, Buck N. Bronco, Claire E. and Cory Net...oh my gosh, Volt...it's a pun emporium here!" Asriel covered up his huge grin, trying to remain professional.

And the list went on and on...

"...Gunner Maelstrom, Paige Turner, Judge R.B. Traitor, Four Chin Hunter, Hannah Lulu, Touriest Classe, Lee Galese......jeeze, I've seen everything when an international thief actually has her own lawyer.  Considering she's literally caught in the act at every turn."

"A lawyer but a crooked one at that."

Once Asriel had pretty much gotten his fill of V.I.L.E. agent name puns, the Chief started our adventure.

"Player, select your ACME agents."

That was where things got strange but not that strange.

The data window opened...like a cyber gate as the cursor prompt typed out I-V-Y.

And said ACME agent appeared. She looked toward...where I guess the "computer screen" fourth wall of this world was and said "Hello, player.  Thanks for picking me.  I have a grudge to settle with that Carmen Sandiego."

An ACME detective I described as having short red hair, green eyes and eighteen years old. Azzy's age by less than a month difference.

"Ho!  The player's giving you a partner, pard'ner!" Chief seemed amused.

"Player!" Ivy hotly protested. "I can handle anything Carmen throws at me.  By myself."

Asriel looked at me with that look I'd seen the first time he encountered someone who insisted on working alone. I just shrugged. She looked in our direction and seemed even less pleased.

"Ivy, Ivy, Ivy!  You simply MUST learn to accessorize!" He suddenly did his best Mettaton impression. "Hey, a partner could be so right for you!"

The screen suddenly turned to four photos, depicting a couple of history's greatest duos including Wilbur and Orville Wright and Meriwether Lewis and William Clark.

"Think if Wilbur didn't have Orville."

"Wow, I didn't know this mission was going to be so educational!  I love it!" Ever the teacher's pet, Asriel. And you best be proud of it!

"Yeah, yeah, the Wright Brothers would have never invented the first airplane.  I know.  But chief--"  She was quickly interrupted.

"And do you think-- AHH!  DUCK!" Chief's image dipped down as an animated Wright Flyer flew over his head. "And do think Lewis would have ever finished his expedition across the U.S. if Clark hadn't been by his side?  Always fetching!"

The Clark photo suddenly looked up at the Lewis photo and asked "Are we there yet?"

Asriel stifled a chuckle.

"Chief.  The last thing I need is--"  Ivy dropped off as a name spelled across the screen--Z-A-C-K.

"Zack?!  MY BROTHER, ZACK?!?" Ivy seemed a little perturbed.

And Zack was downloaded into existence the same way Ivy was.

Blond hair, blue eyes and fourteen years old. A genius who can speak over 20 languages and known to have a photographic memory. I'd learn quickly the contrast between brother and sister. He took cases less seriously than Ivy. Wearing headphones and reading a comic book did not help him look any more professional.

"Hey, hey!  Ivy!  You working this case with me?"

"CORRECTION, little brother.  You're working this case with me."

I cleared my throat.

"Care to explain the lab tech and the high schooler."

"Ah yes.  Dr. Volt Alessandro Arcade and his understudy, Asriel Tobias Dreemurr."

"Actually, I'm legally an Arcade, too.  It's complicated."

"Also, I prefer to think of him as a partner.  Equals, you know." I never leave for an off world adventure without him...if I can help it."  I implied my S.T.C. cases that went S-Rank...a step above Asriel's A-Rank for obvious reasons; including the big one I was still keeping from him.

"Sounds like you two could learn a thing from these fine Ultra Crew Institute agents.

"You mean the Legendary Think Tank operation in Neo Arcadia City?  That's awesome!" Zack seemed psyched.

Ivy scoffed. "What's a think tank want with ACME--"

"I called them in as special support for the case.  They'll be helping you track down Carmen!  And she's got quite the theft to brag about this time."

The Chief displayed a Van Gogh painting and explained the case. Needless to say it was a little unusual that our thief only stole part of the painting--the eyes--rather than the whole thing.

"To the scene of the crime!  The Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam!  And to get there pronto, the player has accessed the C-5 corridor!"

Zack had been riding around the room on a skateboard. He wiped out as soon as the C-5 gateway opened up.

"Oh no no no!  No WAY am I C5-ing it to Holland, Chief." Zack pointed at the cybergate.

"Hey.  Zack.  Y'know Franklin Delanore Roosevelt had a saying..." Chief opened up a video displaying F.D.R.'s famous "We have nothing to fear but fear itself" speech.

"Yeah?  Well I got a saying, too:  If it doesn't have seatbelts and an in-flight movie, I don't fly it."

This was something Ivy agreed on.

"You know, Chief, the C-5 Corridor doesn't always get us exactly where we need to go."

"So sue me.  It has a few minor glitches!  But on the up side while you travel the player can call up information to help you solve the case!  Now let's blow this motherboard!"

The gravitational effect of the gate suddenly swelled, and Ivy and Zack were pulled in suddenly.

I looked at Asriel and shrugged. He looked amused.

"Race ya." He hopped on the NX Board and flew in.

"You're on." I charged in, using the technique of Electro-Flight that I had been honing with my electro-morph; quickly changing to werewolf form in in an instant and flying with a lightning contrail as my propulsion.

And the C5 Corridor was definitely a trip...a trip into 1990's C.G. animation, that is. From San Francisco, CA to Amsterdam, Holland we were bound.

As we flew in, the Chief rattled off a number of facts about the Netherlands and related info; describing it as the home of tulips, wooden shoes, and windmills.

The corridor itself was a curving, twisting hallway with random objects and data floating in gravity capsules. Data windows were mounted to the walls like flagpoles or signs and quickly folded back like flaps...some not quick enough as we crashed through one of them, scattering the image like TV static mixed with pixels.

It opened up into a giant room I described as the Power Station at the heart of the second Death Star from Return of the Jedi. A giant holo-window was held up by mechanical posts at the center, displaying an image of a windmill.

But as we got close, or rather as I got close, the image started futzing up and distorting.

"Uh-oh...slight problem, ACME detectives, it seems we're experiencing technical difficulties!"

"Technical difficulties?!?" Ivy protested.

"Uh...Azzy?  I think this might be my fault..." I had neglected to factor my active powers into the equation.

"Too late for apologies now!"

"With any luck, maybe we won't have to say anything--"

And then before we knew it we were spit out. But NOT at our targeted destination.

"I HATE THIS PAAAART!" Zack fell out first with Ivy behind him. He landed in a heap while Ivy grabbed onto a tree branch, swung and pulled herself into a flip and landed on her feet.

Azzy and I dropped out soon after.

"D'oh, the C-5 did it again!  This is DEFINITELY not the museum."

"It's not even the right city."

"Guys, I don't even think it's the right country." I looked up at the form of Big Ben in the distance.

"We're in London, England?!"

"It's never been this far off!  Chief, what gives?!?" Zack's communicator watch spouted out static.

"Uh...?"

I knitted my eyebrows.

"Volt, I got a bad feeling."

"Yeah...I'm starting to think it WASN'T my powers that threw off the C-5." As my visor gave me space-time coordinate warnings.

"I don't think we're on the same Earth anymore, either."

"What do you think happened?"

"Chaopolis." I narrowed my eyes.

"A.E.O.N.'s still recalibrating so it hasn't locked down which Earth we're on."

"Should we tell them--"

"I can see the two of you are going to be quite the lucky charms..." Ivy smoldered as she brushed past.

"Don't mind her.  She's a bit grumpy when she doesn't get her eight hours." Zack joked.

"...they're going to find out anyway."

"Player, can you get us on target?" Ivy called out.

"Player...?"

"Ivy, something doesn't feel right."

"I think I can explain what's going on." I sighed. "We've been transported to a different Earth dimension."

"Whoah, whoah, whoah.  You're saying we're not even on our own Earth?!" Zack freaked out.

"I don't buy it.  Save the sci-fi and stick to the sci-fact.   Carmen's trail is going cold as we speak!"

"It's the truth." Asriel insisted.

We looked at each other.

"No choice, goat son.  I guess we have to show them.  Though it's kinda on the Chief for not giving the whole story to his agents."

"What whole story?" Ivy put her knuckles to her hips.

Asriel clicked off the Unitrix as I re-morphed.

"YEOW!" Zack jumped back.

"Is this for real?  It has to be a trick!"

"No tricks.  The truth about Arcade Industries and Neo Arcadia isn't exactly public knowledge but...there are those on other worlds like yours where the higher-ups kinda have the whole story."

"You mean you didn't even know that Neo Arcadia wasn't a place on your world?" Asriel cocked his head.

"This gets too weird."

And it was about to get weirder because something else dropped in on us from above.

"Volt!  Incoming!"

We looked up as a portal in the sky opened up and dropped a red-cap wearing, blond haired kid with a large M on his tee-shirt upon us. Behind him the biggest of musclebound swordsmen followed and lastly a creature Asriel described as the world's largest chicken.

"...I beg your pardon.  I am not a chicken; I am a FOWL."

"Riiiiight." I wrinkled my nose.

"Looks like Chaopolis designed to do a one-two-combo on us." Asriel frowned before helping the kid up.

"Great!  What is this, a baby-sitting service?" Ivy threw her hands up in frustration.

"Hey, there.  I'm Zack!  This is my sister, Ivy.  And those two are Volt and Asriel...at least I think they are.  Still wrapping my head around the whole...not human thing....annnnnnd...I spoke too soon." Zack pointed at the "fowl".

"Max.  I'm kind of the umm... Mighty One.  The uh...cap-bearer, I guess.  It's a long story."

I narrowed my eyes for a moment before I recognized the species.

"You're a Lemurian!" I gasped. "Then the rumors that the species was extinct were a bit exaggerated." I reasoned.

Zack and Ivy looked at each other, completely out of their element. This had to be fiction to them. They dealt with facts and geography, not fairy tales...at least that's what Ivy would later tell me.

"It seems your powers of observation are more astute than the average irregulars we come across." The spectacle-wearing owl-creature replied. "You may refer to me as Virgil."

I'd come to realize he was over 10,000 years old. Sounds about right. It was at least that long ago that the Lemurians died out under mysterious circumstances.

"And this big guy here would be my bodyguard.  Norman."

Norman? Not the name I'd expect from a guy that looks like an extra off the set of Highlander. As I'd soon discover after a lifetime of battle, Norman was appointed by Virgil to his current role. He earned his immortality by defeating the Conqueror, an undefeated champion, and swore to defend the Mighty One with his life if necessary.

Norman's exploits through the ages were the basis of numerous legends, including those of Thor, Hercules, Samson, Lancelot, and Little John. Norman seemed fearless but not above disgust and also seemed to have a fear of spiders.

In the misadventures that followed on our way to make sense of this, I'd come to hear Norman frequently use the catchphrase, "I eat *insert enemy* for breakfast." and "That's a big *insert enemy*."

Despite knowing more about Virgil's species, it turned out I learned a lot more about Norman than him. Though at some point in the future, I'd learn a pretty critical detail about Max's clashes with his apparent enemy, Skullmaster. Namely...Skullmaster was to Virgil what Carmen was to the chief...what Adonis was to me.

Now it made sense what the theme of this little chaos spin was and what Adonis was dangling before my nose. A long line of failed apprentices who turned to the dark side.

"I'd say you don't seem that surprised to see other non-humans, but since you're traveling with the er...fowl, I'm guessing you're used to this sort of stuff?"

"Well, I have kinda run into werewolves before." Max shrugged. "Giant sheep, not so much."

"I'm a goat." Asriel corrected.

"Right."

"I sympathize.  He insists on referring to me as a chicken." Virgil crossed his arms.

"Most certainly there is a reason that the cap transported us to this place."

"Hey, maybe it finally decided to let me have a vacation.  I could finally use a break from all this Mighty One stuff."

"Young Max, your duties as the cap-bearer are not to be taken lightly.  There is no time to be dawdling on unfamiliar worlds when the fate of the realms are at stake."

"Oh don't be so dramatic.  You're with me on this, right, Norman?"

"When do we get to fight something?"

"Friendly guy, isn't he?" Zack joked.

"He's usually happier when he's chopping down monsters with his sword." Max shrugged.

"Uggh!  Can we get back on task!  We're losing ground!  We need to find our way back to Holland and fast!  Carmen's getting away.

"Who's Carmen?"

"You haven't heard of Carmen Sandiego?" Zack questioned. "Now I know you're not from around here...or...there...wherever home is."

"Well I can tell you right now, Zee Man.  This definitely isn't my Earth, either.  This stupid cap is sometimes more trouble than its worth."

"Are you really getting upset over a cheap baseball cap you could get from any thrift shop for pennies on the dollar."

"Dear girl, this is no ordinary cap.  The very balance of good and evil as we know it depends on the safety of the cap and its bearer."

"Riiiiight.  Someone want to wake me up from this nightmare?  When we get back to ACME H.Q. I'm swearing off whatever I ate or drank that gave me the mother of all hallucinations."

"It's no illusion, Ivy.  We're all in this together.  Whatever this is."

"Let just navigate our way out of this.  Disguises up, Volt.  And...anyone got a cloak or something for Virgil?  Pretty sure giant fowl aren't common place on this world.  If we're going to seek out help getting home, we don't want to freak them out."

Time passed and thanks to some quick thinking and some emergency finances I'd thought to bring with me at Violet's urging, I was able to pass off some currency from Jon's home country as good old English pounds and pence. I just hope they don't think to check authenticity and come after us as counterfeiters.

Guided by A.E.O.N.'s directions we found our way to one major place of interest:

"It's a...boarding school?"

"Warfield Academy." I checked it against the A.E.O.N. database. "A prep school."

"Maybe--

"I'm going to cut you both off before the sibling rivalry begins.  No offense, but I took enough arguing back there for one mission." Asriel stepped it before Ivy and Zack could get into it.

"And here I was hoping I'd be nowhere near a school." Max wisecracked.

"This...sure isn't like any school, I've.  It's more like an...if you'll pardon the term...Ivy-league college." Asriel observed. "...if it were headed by Dr. Wily's Knight Man robot master.  Very medieval, looking."

"We are in England.  And Jon not here to appreciate it." I shrugged with a silly grin.

"So.  About how long do you give it before the "normal" vibe of this place ends--"  I followed up before something flew overhead...a little close to the ground, nearly buzz bombing us.

"...yup.  Sounds about typical." Asriel smugly grinned, with a look in his eyes like he could sense things were about to get interesting. Like...he recognized a certain...je nez se quois?

"It's an Astin Martin D-B-5." Granted my knowledge of British classic cars wasn't as good as my knowledge of American ones but that was beside the point.

"Uh...cars don't by any chance fly on either of our worlds...do they?" Max asked.

"Nope." Ivy looked like she was definitely done with the surprises.

"That is so amazing!" Zack was sold.

"I know, right?" Asriel agreed.

"Oh brother.  Azzy, you've ridden in the Delorean before.  You should be used to flying cars at this point."

"Any other secrets the Chief wants to share with us?" Ivy smoldered.

"Eheheh...explanations inbound...someday." I shrugged it off.

The driver of the car managed to land it, converting it back from its...airplane mode and pull the most unbelievable of stunt-racing drifts into a parking lot. The same level of skill with parking I'd see Ace Ventura pull off.

"Like a glove?" Asriel shrugged with a grin.

"Heh." Max seemed amused.

"Ugh...progress." Virgil rolled his eyes. I reminded him to put the hood of the cloak up or we'd have to answer questions from someone.

Asriel hurried over with the rest of us in tow.

"Smashing entrance!" He complimented.

"Too right.  I'm only glad it was not in the literal sense." It's occupant existed. Brown-haired, brown-eyed, definitely late teens. His jacket, sleeves rolled up, was partially buttoned up and had a red and white shield-shaped crest on the right breast.

"I'm Asriel and these are some friends of mine.  We're a little lost out here...kind of a number of long stories but we're hoping to find our way back to our respective homes, Mister...uh...?"

"Bond.  James Bond.....Junior."

I could see Azzy's eyes light up.

"You wouldn't happen to be related to--"

"Ah yes.  My uncle."

"Wow, I can see you're a lot like him...minus a tuxedo, of course."

"I only wish I were like him."

"It's my experience that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  But as for helping us?"

"Ah.  Americans.  A little out of place, I can see that.  Well, I suppose I should turn to my mates and see if there's anything they can do.  Judging from your lab coat you might perhaps discuss matters with my dorm mate, Horace Boothroyd III.  Delightful chap, as intelligent as they come.  He is often referred to by the moniker, "I.Q.", though.

"Very kind of you.  We shall partake in your hospitality." Virgil kept the cloak well-closed.

"You keep quite an odd lot.  I am sure you have tales to tell."

"Mr. Bond...you have no idea..."

Later...

"Dear me!  This is unbelievable.  Astonishing, even." I.Q. was doing less of a job keeping calm and proper around us. Probably because of how fascinated he was by a werewolf, a goat, a fowl, an immortal, and an assortment of humans from different dimensions.

"I do agree, we should get you home before word of this gets out.  No doubt S.C.U.M. would capitalize on anything they could use for their nefarious schemes."

"S.C.U.M.?" Ivy questioned.

"S.C.U.M. Saboteurs and Criminals United in Mayhem."

"Sounds like a SPECTRE-like organization." Asriel reasoned.

"I'm thinking this is a little above the pay grade of two ACME detectives." Zack whispered to his sister.

"No way, little brother.  We've gone up against far bigger than that with Carmen's schemes."

"Speak for yourself, Ivy!  We're not exactly equipped with bullet proof cars and watches that contain mini missile launchers."

"But you do seem to have mastered the science of teleportation." I.Q. brought up.

"Yeah, my method isn't so scientific.  Plus it kind has a mind of its own." Max crossed his arms and wrinkled his nose in a pout.

"The cap has many mysteries.  It is not our place to question the why.  Everything happens for a reason.  Everything has a destiny to play out."

I didn't want to be a kill-joy and bring up that while the discussions were going on, I peeked into A.E.O.N.'s database and found the timeline of Max's history. And it seemed there was more to time and space than his world was letting on. But what I REALLY didn't want to bring up was the very, very subtle hint that Virgil was dropping about both his and Norman's ultimate fates. There was no way Max would take it well if he knew what was already prophesized by Madam Fate.

And as an S.T.C. agent, I couldn't drop the ultimate spoiler of the time loop. Max would find that out when his final destiny was at hand. Even at the crux of Skullmaster's assured victory.

Eventually we did finally make headway and KOMMAND came through for us. It was all just a matter of bringing it in for a landing and being at the right place at the right time.

...our luck wasn't that good.

"...so...just to be clear...we were supposed to have a quick and easy way off this world and back to San Francisco, right?  So why is it that now we're being hunted down by henchmen of an organization called S.C.U.M.?!"

"Frankly, Miss Ivy, I'd be inclined to believe an organization called V.I.L.E. isn't much of an improvement."

"Yeah, a dedicated thief ring against a mafia of assassins and psychopaths!  Definitely an even tradeoff." Zack ducked and tried to build speed on his skateboard.

At some point Asriel and James had both managed to don tuxedos. Living the dream, aren't you, Goat Son?"

"A bullet-proof car would be rather tops in this situation, wouldn't it?"

"Certainly would help us with keeping a highly powerful E.M.P. generator out of the hands of those bozos behind us."

"Boy, oh boy...I never imagined I'd actually run into Jaws of all people.  He's at least more...uh...verbal than he was in the movies."

"Motion pictures you say.  That does put a new spin on the nature of our world." James seemed rather amused by this. "My uncle the movie star...what a concept to imagine."

"Guys?  They're gaining on us."

"Man, I can't believe I'm actually a substitute spy!  And up against some serious bad guys!  And the pun names!

"He's seriously focusing on their names being plays on words?" Ivy grimaced.

"The droll humor of this generation is lost on sophisticates such as us." Virgil complained.

"C'mon, Ivy!  Asriel has point!  Pun names are something our enemies have in common!  I mean check this rogues gallery list out!  Walker D. Plank?  Ms. Fortune?"

Ivy rolled her eyes.

"And the cute girls, too!   Lotta Dinero, Shelley Kaysing, Terri Firma,  Haley Comet, Marcie Boucoup, Wendy Day,  Victoria Province?"

"Get your priorities straight, little brother!"

So how did all this convolution come to an end? Well...let's just say it ended with a narrow escape from a carpet-bombing followed by sabotage, camouflage, and one powerful E.M.P. wiping out a major S.C.U.M. computer network in a turn of events. All while assembling the right parts for KOMMAND to link up to the C-5 Corridor off world.

And Asriel even got a peck on both cheeks by lovely ladies who left him blushing and wrapping his ears around his face. Even as a Hybrid, I was beginning to notice that girls were finding him an irresistible cinnamon roll.

Give him time, people. This shy goat will figure it out some day.

"While I'm certain this misadventure was informative, I fail to see how it has any value to the Mighty One's journey of empowerment." Virgil followed behind Max as his cap opened a wormhole in time and space and led them back home.

"I ate terrorists for breakfast.  But I've still got room for a bit of brunch.  Hope the next battle has something worthy of my blade."

"What are you talking about, Norman?  Your sword almost got bit in half by that big good with the metal shark teeth!"

"Well this outing has been a bust.  By now the PLAYER has probably turned off the game and is doing something else." Ivy smoldered. "Carmen gets away again!"

"Look at the bright side, Ivy!  At least the Chief can't yell at us for an unscheduled vacation.  It was beyond our control, after all."

"This WASN'T a vacation!"

"You say potato, I say po-tah-to!"

"Ooooh...!"

"We better help them out and hopefully my powers won't actually throw off the C-5." I shrugged.

"Volt...what do you think Adonis hoped to accomplish with this?"

"Don't know.  We could always ask him.  Not that he'd give a straight answer."

"Nope.  No he would not.  I guess we'll just have to wait for the surprise."

I nodded. Then I smiled.

"Happy that you lived your dream to be a spy?"

"Very.  But I think I'm going to put the spy fascination on the shelf for a bit.  Focus on being a plain old hero."

"There's nothing plain or ordinary about us or what we do.  Now let's hurry.  Holland won't wait forever.  Plus, KOMMAND linked up with the Chief and tells us that Carmen's henchmen, Touriste Classe was spotted in Amsterdam."

"No jokes about an Amsterdam good time, Volt."

"Sure.  Besides, you already told it, you little potty mouth you!"

"Darn.  I actually walked myself into that one."

"Oh don't ever change, Azzy.  Don't ever change."

Asriel would chill on the Ian Flemming character for a while...at least until he discovered Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's own fictional character. I had a feeling I'd be digging up Universal City's broken data about a certain mystery sleuth with keen powers of observation that dwelled at 221B Baker Street and hung out with a Dr. John Watson...

...only thing was when that day came, I’d end up miscalculating...by a couple centuries.

But that's another story.

Sub-Entry 315:  "Epic Rabbit Battles of Misery":
It's one thing when Violet comes up with on-the-spot parodies of songs just to strut her ego. But when she invites two off-worlders to her cosplay cafe's backstage recording studio for a rap battle? That's something else entirely.

In the sound booth her opponents stared each other down. Yeah. They had history.

"Devilotte VERSES...TRON BONNE!  BEGIN!"

"Give the 'Devil' her due, for your in' for a 'Lotte" of pain!

Stop all your techno-babble, because it's hurting my brain!

Face it, you're just not that great.

I'm the monarch rocking a white gown and a tiara among the Super 8!

In Cyberbots: Full Metal Madness, I'm an outer space princess who don't like your fashion or your tone,

When it comes battling pirates, it was a better matchup between Blackbeard and Al Capone!

I mean, you're an over glorified jewel thief, and that's a fact!

You get stopped from stealing quantum refractors by a 14-year old blue-suited amnesiac!

And to further the point, your love-hate relationship is pretty bold!

You throw a Stockholm-driven tsundere fit over your love for him like HEY, ARNOOOLD!

You don't even do your own dirty work; you send a bunch of Lego rip-off droids!

And leave it to your two brothers in the robot bodies to deal with killer mechanoids!

I'll take this battle and elevate it to a higher plane!

'Oops? Too soon? You wrecked your family airship and then crashed down in your big flying red metal crane!'

And from there you only hit a downward spiral, like a whack hack flop!

Your broke family dodges the law and lives off the scraps of hamburger shop!

Your brother got in debt with a dude named Lothe over the down payment on the Gesellschaft!

Your story's got less substance than the backstory of Neige and Kraft!

Yeah, I brought up a reference to a different Mega Man hero named Zero!

That rocket to the moon blew up a burning wreck hotter than the fiddle of Nero!

'Ooh! Does it hurt? I hope it pierces like a shining laser beam!'

'And the fact that you're now buddy-buddy with the Caskets? Now that's a scream!'

Come at me, if you dare, but I think you'll fail!

When I'm done, that glasses-wearing cop, Denise Marmalade will finally toss you in jail!

So step away from the Princess of the Hellsatan kingdom before you get stepped on by the glass slipper princess taking you to knuckle junction.

By the way, how was Megaman's reaction to your...wardrobe malfunction?"

Tron chuckled and began her flow.

"Oh-ho-ho-ho!  A nude joke?  That's the best you got?  What are you nine?

Hate to break it to you, but this rap battle is mine.

'You're ripping on me for being an air pirate? Really? That's rich!'

'Did you forget who YOUR daddy is? Let me spell it out: pirate king, you uppity witch!'

Check it, my career shines brighter than yours, check me resume!

How many active appearances do you have to claim in the name of fame?

'Marvel vs. Capcom, both one and two. That's what I do? I'm a playable character who summons you!'

'That's right! You're not a major player, you're just a tag assist. Did that bit of truth make you feel a little pissed?'

'Don't go ripping on my brothers! They're better company than your servant goons.'

'A burn for your creepy wizard, Xavier, and your Franken-Igor, Dave the loon! You're secondhand pickings from an old cartoon fished out from old saloon spitoons!'

You could be a REAL villain, but you never took the chance!

'Doronjo much? You trio might as well retreat on a three-person bicycle to the sound of a can-can dance!'

In fact as a monarch goes, you're a total disgrace!

All your plans end up blowing up in your face!

Back off the mic, you silly little clown!

Because in Capcom appearances, only a Bonne can wear the crown.

And maybe I am a little salty but it's not over being a second-place number two.

It's having to share a backstory in Project X-Zone with the likes of you!

You really think you're worthy of being my rival?

'I'm a hungry cat on the prowl! I'm-a call you Fievel!'

Our parent company would sooner forget a spoiled princess named Devilotte de Deathsatan!

It's been more than 20 years with no sequel, but our fanbase is STILL waiting!

Break out the condiments, because you're gonna eat your words for lunch.

'Oops! A bit too late to warn you not to stand in front of your own mech's Blodia Punch!"'

That was when Violet suddenly chimed in.

"Wow, you two are just too precious to behold!

But you both are about to have future cameos on permanent hold!

This cat fight has gone on for far too long.

I'm about to dragon punch you both back to your publisher like my name was Sheng Long!

Oh yeah, it's on like Donkey Kong!

'Let's start with the diva in the frilly white dress. You're style's a mess, you just don't impress. Your wardrobe's barely passing, mmm...I guess.'

You twirl around and prance like a ballerina on too much caffeine.

And when was the last time you did anything really mean?

You can't match wits with my fresh flow,

'Devilotte, how can I say this? You'll never turn pro.'

Really, it's almost sad to see how the mighty have fallen,

But I guess it's expected when you run home to daddy, bawling.

While I've had bad luck dating, I own up to my heartbreak pain.

You've got a crush on a Colony Federation hero named Gawaine!

'Too soon? Too late. Sorry but this is checkmate!'

Now that I've thoroughly embarrassed angry snow white, let’s move on to Pinkie Pie.

Your brother told you not to worry about how he paid for the Gesellschaft, but that was a lie.

As a fellow tech genius, you'd have my respect.

That is if you didn't end up letting every invention get turned into a mangled wreck.

And hiding aboard the Sulphur Bottom in just a cheap pair of Clark Kent glasses?

Even I know that wouldn't pass in any spy's art of disguise classes!

Don't try to battle me, mano y mano.

'Your Glyde is Loathe's butler. His counterpart's a NetNavi for my  main girl, Yai Ayano.'

Actually now that I think about it, didn't she cameo in that house, giving out quiz questions for a hard-to get prize?

Show some respect for "forehead" or we'll both cut you down to size!

You abuse all your servbots every time they screw up!

Then you lament your losses in the meditation room, crying into a tea cup!

You tried to pay Tiesel's debt but Loathe didn't keep his word.

And the interest he tacked on was just absurd!

Kudos to you for burying the hatchet with Roll Casket and Gramps.

But if you could stop showboating your cost-effective rocket engine over her simpler design, you'd both be hero-rescuing champs.

But it looks like Volnutt will have to wait a little longer.

Al because the trust in your partnership couldn't get a little stronger.

Between the two of you, I'm the best of both worlds.

A royal genius princess, babysitting you two snotty girls.

But don't feel bad that I'm superior to you in every way.

Maybe Capcom will make a sequel to Project X-Zone...eh...maybe someday.

'I own this battle! I'm totally stylin!'

'I'm done with you both! SEND THEM TO PRISONER ISLAND!"'

Who won? Who's next?

Gods I hope I don't have to decide.

Sub-Entry 316:  "Don't Be a Wiennie in San Zucchini"
Only a couple log entries into the future, I'd kick myself for not seeing a theme be hinted at in this latest misadventure. And I'd probably live to regret not preparing for a hint I never picked on. But the concept of mutated lifeforms would NOT begin with animals...it would begin with plants.

Help me through this, Lupe.

It began with a visit to a city known as San Zucchini. Jon and Lupe had decided to join us for lunch.

Of course Asriel got the winning vote when our group decided what was on the menu. And that would pizza. By the way, I was the other vote.

However Lupe had to make a stop in a different little town to pay a visit to a different little shop...of not-so-horrors. But there was definitely something intimidating about a talking...no...rapping mutant flytrap named "Junior" and his caretaker, local nerdy town-proclaimed "wiennie", Seymoure Krelborne.

Somewhere both Jack Nicholson and Rick Morranis just sneezed. If you know why, I needn't explain further.

But of course that meant babysitting the bespectacled, cap-wearing kid in question who was babysitting the freestyling plant (in the back of a little red wagon, no less) in question.

"Huh." Asriel looked at the sign on the door.

"So...Finletter's Pizza, huh?  I think there's something a little different about this pizzeria."

"Gee.  I wonder what I could be." Junior interjected with a sarcastic couplet.

"I'm...going to guess it's the city-wide tomato-ban." I wrinkled my nose

"How do you make a pizza without tomato sauce?" Seymoure questioned.

"Ever try Alfredo Sauce?" Asriel questioned.

"Uh...pass."

At least we got him to stop thinking of Audrey Muschnik, the plucky tomboy that he had a crush on who was the daughter of the boss and owner of the plant shop Seymoure worked part-time at.

Then again, it also kept him from thinking about the bully with the braces on his teeth.

I'm getting off track.

"What's a pizza without sauce?" I  had to agree with the kid. Heck, I always looked forward to Mitzi's pepperoni with extra pizza sauce.

"It won't kill is to eat eat...well...the opposite of vegan."

"Tell that to a doctor warning you about your cholesterol." I joked. Mostly because I was getting the guff I usually gave Jon when I warned him about my daughter putting him on another diet.

"Let's just go in." Asriel bravely pushed open the door and headed in. There was the owner behind the counter. One Wilbur Finletter. Seemed like an okay guy...at least until I overheard the people at the bar making light of the tomato ban.

And then suddenly I felt like Sarge was in the room.

"Disgusting.  You wouldn't laugh if you'd seen what I saw in the war."

Green, button-up shirt opened up with a white tee underneath. Green and white cap with the letters V.T.W. (Veteran of the Tomato War) on it. Brown hair and dour look subverted by his overall Barney Fife vibe. Yeah, this was a guy purporting to be a serious, retired war hero...but you could tell he was Mayberry material right out of Andy Griffith.

But that was nothing compared to his...er...creativity for making new pizzas that didn't include the dreaded "T-fruit".

And the reactions of his customers said plenty.

"I...think I'm rapidly losing my appetite." I cringed.

"...of course we didn't HAVE pizzas in the Great War.  No, we starved.  Or sometimes...we ATE THE ENEMY!  YES...YES!!!" He started sounding a little crazed.

{I don't know about you, but this guy is a few zebras short of a zoo. I don't want to know what goes on in his head, but I'd rather hear about anything but eating plants, instead!}  Junior muttered.

"Uh, Wilbur, my man?  We're uh...eating."

"Yeah!  And missing the game!"

Pretty sure I saw Seymoure backing out of there with Junior in tow.

"Hey, c'mon.  Show a little backbone."

Well, nyeh-heh-heh-heh. I wonder if buttered spaghetti is at least viable?

Asriel was willing to stay to try out the...er...concoctions.

I could only think of one...well...four other people who'd even consider eating half of these pizza combinations...and they happened to be turtles. Peanut butter and onion? Bleeech.

But as I was thinking that I happened to overheard Wilbur on the phone explicitly state that they do not deliver to turtles. Wait a minute...how'd they get the number for this place all the way in New York?

"Hmm?" Asriel looked over as the blond-haired, ponytailed teenager handed off a pizza box to a younger dirty-blond kid in a blue striped jumper...wait a minute...ahem...and a backwards  blue ballcap.

"Deliver this pizza to Whitley White at the TV station."

Huh...couldn't quite place her accent.

And out the door the kid went, skateboard and pizza in tow.

But what puzzled me was her scent...even over the foul-smelling pizza combinations, I could make it out. The scent of someone...no...something that didn't belong in a city with a ban on a certain produce item...

Now how is that possible?

Also I was detecting a hint of pepper. Kids these days and their newfangled makeup and beauty habits.

That was when we all saw it hop up onto the counter. Very fuzzy. Very red. Two little green leaf like legs. A green stem and leaf-like plumage coming out of its head like the plumage I'd seen on Mitzi's friend, Loony Bird. And semblance of eyes underneath the tufts of fuzz.

"Good dog." Wilbur petted the thing as it gave the least convincing bark I'd ever heard.

"If that's a dog..." I started.

"Then I'm Boss Hogg." Junior finished.

"Nice." I complimented.

"The sad thing is...Wilbur's convinced." I rolled my eyes.

"Be nice." Asriel scolded while he ordered the least-disgusting-sounding pizza on the menu.

I just stuck with garlic bread sticks and a soda. At least until I could get real food.

"Nice er...ostrich you have there?" Wilbur eyed Junior warily.

He can't possibly be that dim...

"Uh thanks?" Seymoure played along.

"Uh...chirp, chirp."

I just shook my head.

As time went on, we all started to notice the overabundance of meta-jokes and self-referential humor.

We've stumbled onto one of "those" worlds, haven't we? Ones like Planet Moron (also known as Planet Spaceball) or even Violet's own Little Tokyo where the fourth wall was knocked down, torn apart, and sold for scrap a long time ago.

I started noticing first with the news reporter on the TV. And then interactions with the kid and the teenage girl as well as mention of "network censors" and things being "on a different time slot" and callbacks to apparently an "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" movie........wait a minute...what was the name of this world in the database again.

"Volt, I'm starting to get the impression that there's something very weird about this place." Asriel said as he finished the snail and butterscotch pizza......c'mon, don't tell me anyone reading this didn't see that coming.

"Starting to?"

Asriel shrugged.

"Right now, I'm starting to think this garlic bread is missing something."

"I bet I know what it is." Seymoure started.

"Don't say it out loud."

"Say what out--"

At that moment a weird guy in glasses and a beard popped up and yelled the infernal word.

"TOMATO!"

And then there were the screams and the chaos as he high-tailed it out of there.

"Holy schnikees!  I gasped as we almost got trampled.

"Well.  That was...a thing."

"You know for a people nonchalant about a Great Tomato War, they sure lose their minds when someone shouts out the T-word.  I guess it's their version of shouting "fire" in a movie theater." I rubbed my keister where I was knocked out of my chair.

Asriel helped me up.

"Man, I sure dig the notion of plants having so much clout they cause a commotion." Junior quipped.

A bit later the police had the guy hauled away for starting a panic. But I had a feeling he'd be back.

You know we really ought to check out the history of this crazy town and what started this tomato war. I mean...they're just tomatoes. It's not like they move on their own or can do much else besides splat you with red juice and pulp...er...right?

"And may I remind you, the viewer that these were not ordinary tomatoes that started the Great Tomato War!  They could move on their own and do a lot more than just splat you with red juice and pulp!"

Whitley White's newscast not only interrupted my thoughts but answer me in the exact context I was think it. What the heck?!

Plus it was accompanied with archival video of tomatoes actually attacking people and some even attempting to eat them! Wait...did some of them actually have teeth-filled mouths...and eyes...and what the heck?!?

"Now that's what I'm talking' about!  Plants sticking' it to the man; makin' them scream and shout!  Feed the need to spread some see--"

"Don't say it, Junior."

"You said it, fellow citizen!  This is a FAMILY show!"

I did a doubletake at the TV.

"Not going to ask how that's possible." I shook my head as the archived footage changed to a blank space with the words "This space for rent" on it.

"Come on.  Let's do some snooping around." Asriel smirked, eyes turning orange.

And before long...

"Nice dissolve..." Junior commented as...wait a minute. Are my jump cuts getting commentary, too? This is weird. I hope I don't have to make a habit of this weird change in mission log style. I swore off Deadpool's fourth wall breaks a long time ago.

Sure enough, outside of the TV Station, Lupe was waiting.

"Anything?"

"Mr. White is telling a half truth about the ban on tomatoes.  I sense something amiss somewhere else in town.  That lone tomato that threw itself into his face left some kind of...unnatural life essence trail."

"I see."

"It leads to what looks like an abandoned oil refinery or factory on the outskirts.  It's behind a high chain linked fence...and for some reason under a constant thunderstorm.  And there are...curious signs outside you should see.  A lot of them."

Asriel and I looked at each other.

"If it's all the same, I'll sit this one out."

"Man, do I have to spell it out to you and be a meanie?  Seymoure, you are just the wimpiest kind of wiennie!"

"I you wish, I can keep them out of trouble for a bit." Lupe volunteered, maintaining her druid's cloak over her form. I still wonder how she pulled off a much simpler disguise and still made it just as effective as my demorph and Asriel's Unitrix.

"That's...probably for the best."

"For not going into that fort, you are a spoilsport." Junior crossed his vines. Man, I just do not get good vibes from talking plants. That includes flytraps and...certain yellow murder flowers.

"At the risk of being unorthodox?  I'll make it worth your while..." Lupe dangled several packets of plant food.

"...you drive a hard bargain, druid.  I hope that bribe comes with some tasty fluid."

"Don't put it like that.  The censor might bet the wrong impression." Asriel joked.

"Azzy!" I protested. "Don't you start breaking the fourth wall and making satirical jokes, too."

"Couldn't resist.  Let's take a stroll and advance to the next scene."

"Asriellllll..." I whined.

At the refinery...

"Lupe was on the money.  There's an invitation for you."

"I'd say about like the fanbase after the deal between Disney and Sony fell through, putting the future of Spider-Man movies on indefinite hold."

"Oooh...not sure if that's too soon, goat son but pretty sure someone won't like you bringing that up."

We looked at the plethora of signs reading "Game Over", "Go away!", "Boo!", "Beware!"

But the one that drew my attention was "Angry scientist!"

"Sooooo...shouldn't that say "mad" scientist?"

"Not if he actually is only angry." Goat Son shrugged.

"Want to investigate?"

"You suggesting we look around?"

"Well don't these misadventures always end up with us...snoop-ping as usual?"

"Dude.  Old, old, mene.  Shame on you.  Also that one was out of Aunt Vi's collection, so you know there's implied lewdness."

"My bad." I shrugged. We were sure having a time here. "But maybe you have a point.  We sneak in there by the usual methods and we'll probably get caught.  So--"

"Yeah.  I gotcha." Asriel deployed the NX Hoverboard and transformed it into another new upgrade.

"Dr. Wily's data was good for something.  Vi gave me a new chip to install..." Asriel plugged in the card and transformed his board into what looked like a quad copter drone with an 8K resolution video camera.

"She already upgraded to the new model of 8K QLED monitors, didn't she?" That rabbit could spend when it came to electronics.

Asriel unlatched the NX Pro Controller as it deployed on his belt buckle. He was taking cues from Kevin Keene, it seemed.

"And in goes our spy drone..." Asriel piloted it inside while I tapped into it via my T.A.O. link.

"We got picture.  Seems like this place isn't as abandoned as it looks.  Though the signs were pretty much a tell-tale."

"I see something...crates and crates worth of..."

We both clammed up for a moment.

"Tomato threat over my floofy tail." I grumbled.

"Someone didn't get the memo...or is, in Casey Jones' words...a lawbreaker." Asriel's eyes turned yellow.

I put on my visor and accessed A.E.O.N. for data. I soon turned up a name.

"It's registered under an alias.  The name's fake as heck.  But a little digging turned up who it belongs to.  A Dr. Putrid T. Gangrene.  Says he's had a history with experimenting on produce.  He's apparently the cause of the Great Tomato Wars...and it seems he's still up to his old tricks in secret.

As the drone swept around I saw a lot of machinery and giant vats of toxic chemicals.

I pulled up a holographic projection archived in A.E.O.N.'s database. It seemed to be an amateur TV interview with the scientist in question.

"As a crazed scientist, he's got to have the cliché of enlisting a drooling, hunchbacked minion right out of Frankenstein, right?" Asriel asked.

"Well...you're right about the minion...but it's rare of you to make a bad call on the description."

I hit play on the video, showing the doctor in question.

"Dr. Wily with more hair?  Huh." Asriel was surprised. But not as surprised when his assistant stepped into frame with a microphone to conduct the interview.

"I'm here at the laboratory of Dr. Peee-yuutrid T. Gangrene, an angry scientist on the cutting edge of his field." Spoke the blond-haired, blue suit, red tie...and shorts-wearing  beast of a tanned, pretty boy of a surfer bum.

"Whoah.  Off on all categories." Asriel looked confused.

"Yes." Gangrene proudly admitted.

"And that is?"

"Electronic control of vegetables, Igor!  I'm going to rule the world!" He cackled as he held up a tomato and his eyes went all spiral-crazy for a moment.

"Heavy.  Doctor, perhaps some of our younger viewers are considering a career in science.  Could you tell us what first inspired your interest in experimentation?"

"Certainly!  At the age of six...I...ate...AN ENTIRE...LAWNMOWER!  HAHAHAHAHAHHAH!"

Gangrene suddenly yanked his necktie and seemingly sputtered off in a rush, like he was jet-propelled.

"Sounds tasty.  Back to you in the studio, Whitley!"

The video cut out at that moment.

Asriel and I looked at each other.

I made a pointing, twirling gesture toward my head with a cross-eyed look as Asriel agreed and flapped his arms and made cuckoo noises.

Levity aside, I could tell the guy was up to no good.

Sure enough he was experimenting on tomatoes...actually bringing them to life and creating monsters from them.

"So.  He's planning on ruling the world and starting with San Zucchini, right?"

"Sure sounds like it."

"I don't suppose this world has heroes to combat this?"

"Hmm...didn't Finletter say he was a veteran of the Great Tomato Wars?"

"Yeah.  That's a start but...one guy isn't enough if this army of fruit is as big as I think it's going to be."

"So what message should we get to them, Asriel?"

"Hmm...how about this:  From Gangrene's lab come forth each week, the ripe red monsters of which we speak, except when he has...a security leak."

I stifled a chortle.

"Well.  Let's get to it--"  I cut off before Asriel suddenly shoved me to the side as five somethings whizzed past us.

"Whoah...nice save, Azzy." Then I noticed them. "What?  A pack of heirloom tomatoes...?...with faces--"

"You're trespassing on private property!"

"What, are you the security here?" Asriel joked. "Let's see your badges."

"Badges?  BADGES?!  WE DON'T NEED NO STEENKEENG BADGES!"

And apparently a pack of heirloom tomatoes that do bad impressions of movie quotes.

"C'mon, Volt!  Let's high tail it and get help!" Asriel recalled the drone and transformed it. He hopped aboard and pulled me onto it.

"Let's fly!"

"Cowards!  I spit on your anti-pasta!"

I'm...not going to try to correct him.

But it looks like we tipped our hand and alerted the doctor of our presence. Would we even get warning back to Wilbur in time?

That was when we ran into his nephew, the pizza delivery boy from earlier--Chad Finletter. Making deliveries aboard that skateboard, it seemed. He had run into his coworker, the teen from earlier--Tara. And she was carrying the "dog", simply called F.T.

Which I'd learn was short for Fuzzy Tomato. Don't tell Wilbur.

We explained the situation. As it turned out, we'd learn Tara was no ordinary girl any more than F.T. was a dog. Apparently...she was an experiment of Gangrene's to turn a tomato into a human as a method of infiltrating and destroying. But...she turned against her creator and joined up with the Finletter’s and was working at the pizzeria.

Further investigation revealed that F.T. was one of Gangrene's rejected creations so he was quick to bond with Tara. Asriel soon discovered Tara had a weakness. When coming into contact with salt, she'd transform back into a helpless tomato. But pepper could restore her to her girl form.

Chad went on ahead while Tara stuck with us. We decided to join up with Lupe and the Krelborne kid again.

And just in time too...Gangrene had already sent out his invasion force of killer tomatoes to attack the town.

We held them off with our powers, but the numbers became overwhelming.

"What I wouldn't give for a cavalry right about now." I prompted, figuring that the convenient plot resolution would come into play right about now.

And sure enough the sound of a bugle sounding a charge rang out before I could make out Wilbur Finletter, dressed head to toe in paratrooper gear...and dragging a deployed parachute behind him. He was also wielding an army general's sword right out of the Civil War era.

"CHAAAAARGE!"

"Oh boy..." I sweat dropped.

"I hope there's more than just Chad's uncle coming."

"If I know Mr. Finletter, he already called for the K.T.T.F."

"K.T.T.F.?" I questioned.

"Killer Tomato Task Force." Asriel deduced. "I got the other half of that message we meant to give them, to boot." He grinned.

"Do tell."

"Can no one stop these mutant fruits, where will we find our brave recruits?"

Then he shielded his mouth from the side with the back of his hand and whispered.

"Can Wilbur get rid...of that dumb parachuuuuute!"

We both snickered.

We clammed up before he arrived and started chopping tomatoes with the sword.

"Hope you didn't come alone."

"I put in the call to our best and our bravest!  They're already on the scene"

"Like who?  I don't see anyone--"

I was suddenly interrupted by a voice.

"Some of us have a knack for hiding in plain view."

"Who said that?"

I suddenly noticed a mail box suddenly spin and turn into a heavy-set, African-American man in white Lone Ranger-ish cowboy outfit, complete with a Lone Ranger mask on.

"Sam 'The Sham' Smith at your service."

That was when the manhole underneath Lupe's feet suddenly rose up and a man in full scuba gear rose up and said something...but it was all bubbling and gurgling like someone gargling while they spoke.

"He said his name is Floyd Bridgework." Asriel explained.

"You speak SCUBA?" I questioned.

That was about the time Seymoure pointed to someone headed our way...in a series of cartwheels and flips.

It seemed to be a Russian woman in an Olympic sweat suit. On the back was an emblem of a tomato with a Ghostbusters "NO" insignia stamped over it. As soon as she landed...wait. Where did those gold medals come from? She couldn't have been wearing them while she was doing her gymnastics toward the action.

"Mary Jo Nagamininashy.   And I have brought the party to you, K.G.B. style!"

"Huh.  I could have sworn she was Russian." I scratched my head right at the moment Whitley White suddenly popped up with microphone in hand.

"This is Whitley White, reporting to you live and offering a free tutorial.  Not to be confused with her counterpart from the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes movie sequel, Gretta Attenbaum, as you can tell, this member of the K.T.T.F. is very much alive and not-in-fact a casualty of being eaten by killer tomatoes!"

"Uh...informative."

"Thank you, strange citizen who I have never seen before in my life!  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to dramatically exit so I can report on this event from the safety of being off screen."

Off screen...?!?...of all the--!"

And in a scene of convolution, bad jokes and worse movie references and pop culture name-drops, we somehow got the situation contained...the parts that the Censor Lady didn't conveniently edit out. Wait...what exactly were we doing in this scene that even needed to be censored? This was still a kids show, after all.

"And that's how you win a tomato war!  For remember!  Today the enemy may be a vicious army of killer tomatoes!  But tomorrow, they're KETCHUP!" Wilbur tried to sound heroic. Though he was playing it straight...it wasn't easy taking him seriously.

"Thanks for the help, out of town citizens who, despite checking the scripts for rewrites and not seeing anything about guess characters; ultimately contributed to the most convoluted victory over the enemy that this episode's budget would allow." Chad shook Asriel's hand.

"Any time, optimistic kid character who's a younger, more audience-appealing version of a main character from the movie which obviously we don't talk about." Asriel followed up the quirky dialogue.

"And I sure learned a lesson about putting my trust in cameo characters from another TV series that seemed odd and unusual at first but whom we learned to put aside our differences for the greater good!" Tara planted a kiss on Junior.

"I think I got a crush that made me blush!"

Oh boy. All this tongue-in-cheek spoof humor was getting to me.

"C'mon, Azzy.  Lupe.  Let's drop Seymoure off at the flower shop before Mushnik fires him for taking too much personal time or unauthorized breaks on the clock.

"Yeah.  Back to a world of bad art and animation and a would-be girlfriend who has a weird obsessive crush on a refrigerator." Asriel grinned as he elbowed Seymoure.

"So.  Anyone for lunch back home?  I'm buyin."

"Anything without the dreaded T-word."

"T-word?  What T-word?" Seymoure stupidly asked.

"TOMATOOO!!!"

Tomato Guy strikes again.

Roll credits already.

Sub-Entry 317:  "Toiling Away For This Kaard Doesn't Suck!  It Rouxls!"
Yup. Back to the anagram in wonderland. I don't know how I keep returning to this place so regularly in my dreams. But by this point I was more than a little intrigued. Plus I was itching to know why Ralsei was a dead ringer for Asriel in his childhood. Though the green wizard costume was still throwing me off.

Still couldn’t' t tell if his fur was actually black or if it was just the shadow effect of this world. I'd soon get my answer but first things first. Where in the Dark World did we end up?

On a whim I checked my visor and finally the location was unscrambled.

"Field of Hopes and Dreams...." I murmured to myself. Almost by instinct that song echoed in my head for the briefest of moments as I flashed back to Asriel's fight with Absolute Chara-Wraith of Hyperdeath...for lack of a better name.

But just as quickly, that song passed and a new melody...unfamiliar to me seemed to haunt the audio regions of my brain. One thing I could say...it did seem like a fitting theme to a Field of Hopes and Dreams.

It was the strangest of dark forests, I'll give you that. I didn't expect the foliage to be so...red. But more than that...it didn't look like ordinary foliage...it looked like GIANT MICROGLITCHES stuck to tree branches.

The echo of our footsteps was ominous. I'd soon learn to regret letting Suzie run off on her own. It would also reaffirm my suspicions that even as a Lightener, this reptile was a problem child. Either she thought she was above the consequences or couldn't see past any choice. I'd soon learn that we didn't just have a problem with Lancer. Suzie would be a much more pressing menace to this world.

I kept silent. At first it was just the echoes of our footsteps. But then I felt that there was music around us. Not actually hearing it, mind you...but just a feeling. Yes. Field of Hopes and Dreams was definitely the right phrase for this place.

It didn't take us long to find a road sign. But it did not read what we expected it to.

"Enemies ahead!  You're gonna die!  Signed, Lancer."

Subtle.

But accurate. Only a few steps later and we ran into Rudinn. This ambivalent diamond isn't a girl's best friend.

"Face my diamond cutter!"

Violet wouldn't waste a moment name-dropping former superstar, Diamond Dallas Page of WWE. Too easy, rabbit.

Reading between the lines, we discovered that he disliked his boss but didn't care enough to quit.

Kris, however convinced him to stop fighting. And easy-peasy, eggs over easy, we spared him and moved on.

Not even stone's throw away another road sign left by Lancer read "If you're reading this...I guess you're dead.  Signed, Lancer."

"This guy's kind of a troll." I muttered.

As we continued down the path we found a third sign. "Hey, don't read this sign!  It's a work in progress!  Signed, Lancer." Well that was kinda meta--

"What the--?!" In fact its signer hadn't even left the area! He was standing right next to it!

"Lancer!"

"Ho ho ho...if it isn't my two favorite people.  Psyche!!  You guys aren't even in my top five!!

"Lancer!  Where's Suzie?" Ralsei inquired.

"You mean the purple girl...?  Ho ho ho...   You fools!  You're too late to stop me...!"

"What did you do?"

"Ha ha ha... it was so simple!  *dramatic pause* She beat me up, so I ran away...!"

"That's a bit anticlimactic." Hints of our own Goat Son's wit, there.

Kris convinced us talking to him was a waste of time.

"Hey, if you head that way, my troops with thrash you!"

"Is that a threat?"

"I prefer to think of it as an invitation."

As we continued on, leaving Lancer behind more signposts provided...not-so-helpful information.

"These trees DON'T contain an item that can heal you!" At first I was confused then I wondered if it was a Hylian reference to Link dashing into trees to shake apples loose.

"Whatever you don't check the tree and use [C] to open your menu!  You got it?!  Signed, Lancer."

Wait...use [C]? Whaaaat? But as it turned out, the tree did contain a pair of objects. We got two Dark Candies for our troubles.

A "necklace" of Rudinns presented almost no obstacle to us.

Behind them, however, we ran into what I can only describe as a yellow chef with a pizza-shaped head named TOPCHEF. And he was upset. Nearby, what was left of a birthday or wedding cake was actually giving off smoke from where it had been "broken". The guy was actually pretty animated as he told his woes, spinning and twisting in a panic.

"Mama miba!  I'm TOPCHEF!  My latest cake worked me to exhaustion!  So I took a little nap...But, mama miba!  A scary noise woke me up!  A beast was hunched on the table, eating the cake like an animal!   I spritzed it with water, and it hissed and ran off!  But my wonderful cake is...!"

"Aw, Kris, that sounds like Suzie!  We must be going the right way!" Looking on the bright side of things, goat wizard? "Let's try to keep her out of trouble."

"That's a full time job." I muttered.

For our troubles, we took a piece of the Broken Cake and went on our way.

Two more Dark Candies on a tree awaited us afterward. We were collecting a lot of health items. Was this a sign of things to come? Come to think of it...would my immortality even play into this or...did it work differently in this world? I didn't want to find out.

More Rudinns awaited but one of them was also accompanied by a heart-themed Hathy. Self-described as "a little kiss" who "has a secret" whose body "beats audibly".

I suggested that Ralsei try flattering the enemy. And sure enough...

"We don't need XP.  Just encountering your smile is reward enough."

And on Kris' turn they spared Hathy and we were on our way.

Our first real "quiz" was the clock puzzle ahead. Spikes barred the way. A trio of buttons lay to the right. A clock on the wall to the left.

"Check the clock.  In order to solve this puzzle, you'll have to hurry."

"Heh.  Time-based puzzles." I shrugged with a sly grin.

Once we did so, the buttons lit up. By deduction, we figured out we had to step on whichever button was white and showing a square. We had limited time to step on the next one in sequence as the clock advanced, gauging how many seconds we had left until we failed the puzzle. But sure enough...Kris was fast enough to open the way.

Another sign.

"Behold, the Maze of Death!  Prepare to GET LOST, clowns!   Signed, Lancer."

This guy...seriously. The maze wasn't THAT complicated but...it was disoriented. The real problem was Lancer's trolling signposts.

"Feeling lost, yet?!  You must be utterly helpless against these twists and turns!  Your sense of direction won't save you now!  Signed, Lancer."

I started to take note of some sort of enemies along the way...that got clobbered. Suzie. Or course it was her.

"Hey, wait!!  Where am I?!  Somebody help!  I'm lost!!  Signed, Lancer."

I muffled a chuckle while Ralsei just shrugged.

We found a white ribbon in a treasure chest. Ralsei explained that it was armor and that it would improve defense. He suggested Kris try it on. On a whim, I suggested they put it on Ralsei to see his reaction. That blushing. Priceless!

A beaten enemy warned us that a purple monster was beating people up. But he also made mention that the King forced them to fight, even though they clearly didn't want to....hmm...this king. Lancer mentioned him before.

"Hey, don't look!  This sign's priceless.  Signed, Lancer."

That made me smirk.

"Oh, it's just this way.  Signed, Lancer."

"He...is trying to stop us...right?"

Kris again didn't answer. I didn't want to jump to the conclusion that they were mute but...no. I know they could speak. But...one thing I had learned in my experience was...watch out for the quiet ones. They have a lot of unseen potential...and a lot of unseen risk.

In short...I was calling them right down the middle. Plus...they were kind of the hero of this story, right? Ralsei reached out to them. I was just a casual observer that wasn't even supposed to be noticed.

"Ho ho ho!  Somehow, you survived the maze!  But don't count your blessings before they hatch...!"

"That's...not how that expression goes." I said flatly.

"Let's see how you fare against THIS team!"

Admittedly going up against three Hathy's didn't sit well with me, but as long as we were still doing a pacifist run, I felt better about staying basically unarmed. Come to think of it...I don't know if I even brought any weapons into this...world. I know Kris was carrying a sword, Suzie (for all her troubles) was carrying an axe, and Ralsei had his magic. But using any of those things meant FIGHT-ing. And that was what we were trying to avoid.

But if the first encounter with one didn't stop us... You know I'm going to let Ralsei summarize our chances.

"Out of anyone, I'm glad we randomly encountered all of you!"

It went well for us. Almost too easy.

"You made a team purely of SUPPORT ENEMIES!  Their bullet patterns aren't balanced at all!  It's like a dinner made out of three glasses of milk!"

That made me grin. It felt like something Asriel would say as a taunt; since he wasn't much of a trash-talker.

Jump cut to the win. Annnnnd scene. Now the payoff.

"We got 0 XP and 84 $!"

"Sweet!  How much do I get?"

"You...lost, Lancer.  You don't get any."

"Oh.  Can I have some of yours?"

"No!"

"Fine!  Later, losers!" And he jetted off on his bike...to the next tree over.

"Sup?"

"I thought you were running away?"

"Yeah, I finished."

Good grief.

The next room had another clock puzzle but...try as we might...we just couldn't master it.

I wonder if it was my fault?

"Maybe...it's because I wasn't part of the prophecy.  Maybe...it has to be Suzie." My ears drooped.

"Aww...don't be sad.  We all have a role to play in this...you just haven't found yours, yet."

He had a way with comfort.

"Yeah.  Guess you're right."

Up ahead...sure enough, pounding on a locked door was Suzie.

"Open you stupid door!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh great.  It's you two."

"Ahem?"

"And the old geezer."

"Pfft.  Whatever, brat.  How's opening the door coming?"

"Tch--"

I didn't give her a chance to fire back.

"Saved you a snack from the storage closet before our 10 mile drop." I held up a chalk stick with a smug grin. Okay, that was DEFINITELY a Violet moment. Shame on me.

I'm sure Kris resisted the urge to at least crack a smile.

"Why you---!"

Heh. Experience trumps youth in this matter.

Ralsei got between us and diffused it.

"We were ever so worried about you!  Um...how'd you get past the spikes from before?"

"Walked through em'." She brushed it off. "But this door...sucks."

A bit more conversation and we convinced her to try the puzzle in my place. The door opened up and we headed back to it. A new enemy was in our place--C. Round. Basically a red checker piece with legs and a puppy face.

Ralsei realized--

"Oh!  I just realized Suzie missed the tutorial!  Next battle we should show her how to ACT!"

Well, three was a crowd but four was a mob. I didn't feel like carrying a pitchfork or a lit torch, so I hung back and let them do their thing...

C. Round attacked violently...or so the description went......though...whose description was it? Anyway...after a back and forth between goat wizard and dino-girl.

"...if you act nice, we can win without hurting it."

"Okay, okay...  Hey, little guy.  I like the axe in your face."

"Axe in your...oh no--"  I facepalmed right as--

"Where'd you get it?  Heh heh heh..." C. Round went flying.

"Uh, Kris? Maybe I better talk to her."

We went on, passing by yet another sign.

"Heheheheheheh!  I sneaked by and made a sign!  Signed, Lancer"

Ralsei reminded Suzie that we were trying to make a peaceful future. So we should avoid FIGHT-ing. That went about as well as anyone would expect by now. Maybe Ralsei's right. Maybe we SHOULD warn them about her. Ahead was a shop...not so much more than a tent. Inside...

"Hee hee...welcome travelers." I described the shop keep as a cornflower blue cat creature with a scar over a missing eye that had been replaced with a very large button. In fact he looked very...patchwork. Literally. There was a patch on top of his head. Stitches on the right side of his mouth. And not so much as rags for cloths.

"The name's Seam.  Prounounced "shawm".  And this is my little seap.  Hah hah hah...  Over the years, I've collected odds and ends.  Course I have no attachment to any of it.  It's just a hobby of mine.  Around here you'll find ways to pass the time... or go mad like everyone else.

The story about the Lightner’s and the story about the kingdom and lastly the story about us being "Legendary" gave us pretty much the background I was hesitant to infer from the clues around us. But yeah...it mirrored Undertale pretty well. From humans locking away monsters to Lightner’s locking away Darkners. An embittered king declaring war on the humans for the death of his children to a king that vowed revenge on the Lightner’s.

But I also learned about the Four Kings who ruled from Card Castle. A strange knight appeared and three of the kings were locked away, leaving the remaining one to put his son into power.

"Lancer..."

We got equipped with some items and continued on. This session of Delta Rune was starting to get long. I wondered how long I'd stay dreaming. We passed by a lone door frame...but we couldn't see inside no matter how hard we tried.

Sure enough Lancer was ahead.

"Well, flip my flapjacks!  The CLOWNS are back in TOWN!  Well, bad news!  Since you saw me minutes ago...I created a brand new team ready to stop you!  Not even the purple girl can stop me now!  Ho ho ho... Are you ready to be--

"Stop.   Stop talking.  Ho ho ho?  What is that?  Why are you saying that?"

"Ho ho ho?  It's my evil laugh.  Scary, right?"

"You sound like a baby Santa Claus."

"Uh...you mean like in a badass way?"

"Shut up." Suzie marched over and picked up Lancer and held him close...I'd see this before. The same bully moves she used on Kris back at the lockers. "You REALLY think you know how to be scary?"

"W...well I--"

"WRONG.  Man, wannabe tough guys like you REALLY piss me off.  Face it...you wouldn't know scary if it picked you up and bit your face off."

"That's not true...!"

"Oh, really? THEN WHY DON'T WE PROVE IT!" Suzie's eyes had grown wide, but I didn't see any pupils or irises...it was like she was in full beast mode. "We'll start with...the part where your face gets bit off.  AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH..." She opened her jaws.

Holy crap. She was actually really scary. ...too bad it was shut down by what Lancer said next.

"Oh.  Okay.  I get it.  Thank you, purple girl."

",...what?"

"Thanks!  It was kind of you...to teach me how to be scary!   With an evil laugh!"

"Hey, I wasn't--"

"And now...you're going to be thrashed!  AHAHAHAHAAHH..."

That was when he sicced three more of the Jigsawry's that Suzie had beaten up earlier on us.

"Merry Christmas!" And he was gone.

Another battle which we had to diffuse without hurting.

Of course Suzie was preemptive but fortunately, Ralsei warned them that she would attack, putting them on guard. Her swing fortunately missed.

Kris made the next move. They barely lifted a finger and--

"Of course we'll be your friend!"

And....spared. Huh.

We backtracked and met a number of Jigsawry-like citizens of varying colors, each wearing three bowler hats on their...um...head horns? Apparently they were kept around and forced to give tutorials. But it was there we learned about how the king fired them from their jobs as puzzle guy...and he hired THAT guy...

Rouxls Kaard. Lord of the Puzzles.

"Huh...Rouxls Kaard...Rouxls...Kaard............oh....rules card.  Clever." I shook my head.

Our journey finally came to a white metal fence with a gate. The tops were all covered with spade-shaped spikes or spears. In front there were two switches...and instructions on a plaque.

"Oh look, Kris!  Another puzzle!" Ralsei was overjoyed.

"Oh no." Suzie complained.

"Let's read the instructions." Ralsei walked over and read...but quickly became alarmed.

"H...huh?  The instructions are vandalized!  It says...'Thoust fools, thou will NEVER figure it out now!'.  Ruining instructions...that's definitely against the rules!"

I wrinkled my nose.

"Then it says...'P.S. - I make my own rules. - R.K."

"Well that explains that.  Well, why don't we climb over this spiked fence?"

"Um...because we'd get impaled and die...?"

"Cool.  I'll work on that, and you do the puzzle."

"Um...try your best, Kris!"

The puzzle, as it seemed, was a pair of switches with a pair of nearbye weighted stone tiles. It was a simple matter of pushing the block tiles onto the switches. It reminded me back in the Ruins with Dwayne the Rock.

And with that the gate opened.

"Wa-ho!  You did it, Kris!  Great job!"

I gave a satisfied smirk and a thumbs-up, mostly to spite Suzie.

"Damn, didn't get to impale myself.  Oh well.  C'mon, chumps."

Suzie went through, first.

"Good job, Kris!" Ralsei went in next.

Kris was right behind.

And I walked through...just as the world started to ripple and become all wavy and distorted and--

My eyes snapped open.

"Well?" I asked as I looked Bunnie right in the eyes.

"Hmm..." She looked pensive.

"Is it just a dream...or is it something I need to take seriously."

Bunnie took a deep breath. At that moment, Megami closed the door to the room, leaving us to our private conversation.

I was sure this would continue again...but where and when? I don't think even the Major could tell me that.

Sub-Entry 318:  "Finally Reuniting With the Blue Blur":
Three-eighteen. Boy, this number really reminds me of Asriel's Boy Scout days. While Troop 318 wasn't the largest of the local Boy Scouts of Fontraile troops (That distinction went to Troop 236), it was humble and a good fit for Goat Son.

But once again...numbers are just coincidences and my moment of monologue was completely unrelated to this entry. Sorry to troll you all like that. Nostalgia sometimes plays tricks on me that I play tricks right back. Darn...I'm starting to see what Violet sees in mischief...when it's actually subtle.

Now that I've added the spoon full of sugar, this entry is actually kind of a harsh trial for our own speed demoness. But maybe things like this were meant to be. Finally she could have closure.

It began with Sally getting time away from the tracks to visit us and volunteer for field work.

As it turned out the mission she dove into involved old threats in new forms. Well...old to us Mirandians. I'd mentioned the names of Destiny's Call (D.C.) and Natural Selection (N.S.)  One determined to put humans in their place and non-humans squarely in charge; reducing the humans to menial servitude and other oppressive facets of controlled lives as glorified pets. The other determined to outright cause genocide on intelligent andromorphic life that wasn't purely homo sapiens.

Long ago, while my original time in UCIAT was still running its course, I watched as both factions were nearly dismantled with the removal of their leaders.

Tal--the imperfect clone of Chameleon--and leader of D.C. proved why the cloning process wasn't as reliable as once thought as he left the mortal coil looking like a century-old chain-smoker lizardman confined to a wheelchair, intravenous nutrition, and breathing tubes. As a result of his passing, Destiny's Call imploded...then exploded, scattering splinter factions across the world. Each one under different leadership and their own take on Tal's ideas as well as their own agendas. While some did attempt to plea-bargain their crimes and cooperate with governments to escape judgement, others took it to the next level. Some even claiming to be the next Tal or superior to him in every way.

Regina Destralli--a fanatical human extremist had more than a little history with Chameleon. While I could get into her very ugly past; it still didn't excuse the horrific kill count she had to her name in her twisted crusade to exterminate all non-humans. What was a relatively simple villain turned into quite a dark story with more twists than we were prepared for. Ultimately she ended up a broken woman, surrendering to Miranda. Queen Brooke made the ultimate of examples of her without ending her life. Proof that there were far worse fates than death to those who were irredeemable. Once the truth was out about what she had done, her clout shriveled up and some of her most dedicated vowed to hunter their former leader down as a traitor to the cause. From its ashes, others tried to rise.

This of course led to now where descendants of both had filled the void and brought a new war to each other’s doorsteps with anyone and everyone unlucky enough to get caught in the middle to pay the price.

Sally was sent in with special ops, agents, and specialists in a joint effort between countries to quell the unrest and contain what they promised would escalate to catastrophic warfare.

And for a bit it seemed like Sally and company were mopping up quite nicely until...

"May-day, may-day!  We've been hit!  We're going down!"

Ever the hero, Sally donned the jet suit and attempted to get as many off the Raxian equivalent of the Blackhawk helicopter as it went down.

She managed to get most of them...but the rest...

Sally gripped her fist as she stared down the offending parties on both sides.

One, a splinter group calling itself Neo Destiny's Call. Original. On the other, N.S.'s splinter group called itself the Anthrocide Society.

"You just pissed me off.  When I comfort the families of those soldiers you murdered, I'm going to let each of them know I made the ones responsible pay for it!"

Yup. There was that temper that was similar to Undyne's but usually more controlled and more refined if not concentrated more on subtly and focused action rather than screams of "NGAHHHHH!!!", water spears shooting up out of the ground and raining down in random volleys, and duplexing boulders.

"BRING DOWN THAT BEAST, NOW!" The Anthrocide C.O. demanded, on the border of giving an ultimatum to his troops. The bloodthirst was real.

"Intercept those missiles!" The N.D.C. commander retaliated.

Explosions raked the sky, forcing Sally to weave through them all and fire back on both sides.

"That crazy squirrel is shooting at us!"

"Hey!  We're non-humans like you!  Whose side are you on?!"

"Do we continue the attack--"

The C.O. grabbed the rocket launcher "I'll do it myself!  You want to make an abomination dead; you don't count on the weak to follow the simplest of orders!  When this is over, you're on report!  I'll have you running the compound until you puke blood!"

The missile homed in on Sally, tracking her heat signature.

"Shoot it down!  We'll take the Allied Nations girl in for question!  If she won't be turned to our cause, we'll just have to break her until she sees the light!  Be ready to put the boots to her, medium style!  If it takes torture to break her, then that's what we'll use!  The ends will justify the means!  It's what Tal would have done and it's what our our leader, Clawfire will show the world!"

"Do NOT let those beasts take our bounty!  I want her corpse stuffed and mounted before sunup!  Do I make myself clear?!?  I want her guts for garters!  There is no good non-human but a DEAD one!  They're genetic mistakes that have to be cleansed from this world!"

Sally grit her teeth and dug out the A-rank aerial tricks and maneuvers.

"They got me cut off from heading to either border.  Just my luck to be in the narrowest part of a Vorostovian peninsula where it's hostiles to the west and hostiles to the east in this crazy turf war of theirs!  And I doubt they're going to let me head north to Neo Arcadia...for the second time.  When this place was controlled by Vorostov--"

An explosion sent her into a tail spin as her ARZ-Xi mode suit was knocked out of the sky.

"Oh crap!"

Somewhere in the chaos of the free-fall to the time immediately after impact, Sally's hearing and vision were a bit dazed but the battle for her and the surviving refugees--both human and non-human turned a skirmish into a bloody battle.

"C'mon, Sally.  Don't let him down, now..."

She grasped the wallet-sized photo of Asriel. Still seeing her as his favorite superhero was easily the exception to the age old advice of never meeting your hero. But growing up with your hero--whether friend or family meant the whole thing about seeing them at their worst when you're expecting your best? Seeing the former was an inevitability that makes you wise to the wisdom of knowing our heroes are still only human or humanoid and growing into acceptance and understanding. As well as the opportunity to lend a shoulder to lean on when they need one to cry on.

In this wasteland terrain, her land speed wasn't as guaranteed as on a track. Plus there was the matter that she had to first sort out the error messages that piled up from the crash. What was still functional and what needed Nikita to fix?

"Great." Sally growled as she armed her weapon systems. Yeah. The Airrazor support unit stats? A long way from the best if you wanted both offense and defense. As I'd said before? As non-lethal as it got.

"I'm going to have to disengage the limiters on the Wind Shear cannons."

That on the other hand mind cause some owies. But still wouldn't be lethal. If someone took the full force of it at max power, they might WISH it were.

And Sally began strafing and attacking both sides, pretty much simultaneously. While the movies made it look easy to shoot two weapons at the same time, it was actually incredibly difficult for even a good marksman to pull off and didn't necessarily make you any more badass for duel-wielding.

Each Wind Shear cannon on each arm unit was designed to spit out hyper-compressed blades of air that cut like razors. But not one or two. No. Just one of these cannons had a firing rate comparable to my own plasma Vulcans. You were in for a storm of nearly invisible blades of wind; so densely packed together that even in a dust free environment the dilation of the wind vortex could be seen by the naked eye at full strength. Like a whirlpool in the sky that stretched horizontally for as far as the range needed to go; drilling into its target with a swarm of air blades.

"C'mon!  I won't let you take me or my platoon!"

But even for Sally, some boasts...some vows were hard to keep. And as fate would have it, many were killed and maimed in the crossfire...simply trying to escape the battlefield toward Neo Arcadia. Sally began to have echoes of the past; a certain security force rounded up Ecotropian refugees...like Antoine...Rotor...Bunnie...even Sally, herself. But while the first two were lucky enough to escape...Bunnie and Sally knew all too well what became of those that didn't. And that memory was making her afraid but desperate to survive to make sure at least someone got out of there and back to ally-controlled territory in one piece.

In the end...

"I can't tell if anyone got out.  If I weren't being driven by solar power out here, I'd have run out of ammo midway through the slaughter."

Sally tried to get to a better vantage point. That's when it happened and the ground wave way by means of a sink-hole.

"Whoaaaah!"

Sally blacked out for a bit. For hours, the search parties of both sides tried to recover her. It was unclear if an S.O.S. got out to her allies. For now, both would whittle away at each other, trying to kill each other in the process of recovering a single hybrid woman who played for neither side.

"Ugh...that was just...the worst..." Sally awoke in dimly lit ruins...but ruins of what?

"Well that's just prime." She sneered.

She got up from where she landed, examining the further damage to her suit. It could probably still nano shift to a working set...but with its solar power cut off...? It would need a while to self-charge based on the nano-collective's ability to generate auxiliary power.

"This place...I feel like I've been here before.  It wasn't a good place.  It was a--"

Sally stopped when her hand touch the remains of the glass shield. She froze, careful not to move her hand. An inch or two in the wrong direction would probably result in it getting sliced up by the shards of where it was cracked and broken off entirely. Sally turned to it and withdrew her hand.

"What...is this...?" She attempted to fire up her emergency lighting.

"...no..." She gasped as her eyes widened.

"It can't be..." Sally recognized the shape and form of the wrecked infusion capsule that looked like the cryo-stasis beds from the movie, Aliens.

She'd been inside this one before.

As she circled around the wreckage, she got a look at the breached nanomachine tank labeled "Nanomorphic Cyberplasm Strain X".

"I'm...back to this place again.  Oh gods..." Sally's persona that she had spent decades shaping after having her epiphany was starting to crumble away as she remembered that she was Sally Acorn of the Ecotropian Kingdom. Only daughter of Maximillian and Alecia. A snooty bookworm with a love-hate relationship with...with......that...guy...

It was flooding back to her. But also it occurred to her...

"It was here...that one life ended, and another was born."

In a way, Sally Acorn did die here. The Sally that was a princess stopped being who she was after Vortex had their way with her mind, her soul, and almost her body. But from her biometrics, from her DNA, from her mind, from her "personal touch" (or whatever you called the grand some of the nuances that made her who she was), and  from the oracle-like mass archive collective of every generation of Ecotropia handed down through the ages know as NICHOLE......Dr. Nikita Katherine Lynx was born.

"Oh, Nikita..." And then her thoughts shifted to...

"Oh, Bunnie..."

What a sacrifice to be made. That even though she helped her escape, fate was not on the rabbit's side and......

This was overwhelming.

Sally picked her way through the remains of the abandoned remains of the military research and development lab.

The infusion cylinder capsules...or what was left of them were still there though...the biomatter that was Shiroshi and Anna May Rabbotou was long purged and destroyed.

It only got more depressing as Sally tried to find her way out. This place...this damned place. It was far from the home that no longer existed and even farther from the one she had started her life over in.

"Hello?" She called out when she could have sworn she heard movement. "Is anybody there?"

A bit of silence before she was answered...and honestly it was the last thing she wanted to hear.

"Just your personal Grim Reaper, beast." The A.S. soldier leveled her custom mash-up of multiple weapons of destruction--machine gun, flamethrower, missile launcher, three-way burst shot, and have a dozen other add-ons to from the mother of "Space Marine" hardware, also right out of Aliens.

The power meter was still reading 95 percent and sloooowly climbing.

"Still can't access the weapons grid."

"Too bad for you." The weapon cocked--

* BLAM*  The soldier recoiled backward.

"You little sh--"

"This tag's mine.  She's going back to Clawfire unharmed...mostly.  And that's not all I'm bringing him.  You're coming, shackled and chained as my other prisoner."

And this anthro-hienna was packing just as intimidating a piece of illegal military hardware as she was.

"You got it wrong, fleabag.  Dead or alive, you're coming with me.  Preferably dead as a gift to General Sipes."

"You want to lose the other shoulder?"

"You weak hyena...you animals don't have the guts."

"Try me."

Sally watched in anxiety as her suit attempted to power itself. Plus I imagine it was trying to reestablish its connection to the Morphing Grid Bio Field (M.G.B.F.) to give Sally her speed back. Sally instead tried to use the grapplers in her arm units to ascend out of there.

"Hey!"

"You're not going anywhere!" The smart grenade was already in flight.

"No you don't!" It was immediately countered with a chaff grenade.

Both collided and detonated with a massive discharge of microwaves, electricity, and a bright flash.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!" Sally whirled away too late as everything went white...and then dark.

It was tough to say how much time passed for her. But I could definitely confirm word got back to us.

Asriel was...noticeably distraught by it. He tried to put on a happy face, claiming it would take more than that to bring Sally down...but I could see he was out of sorts and worried.

In fact, I dare say it was the first time I had seen him like this in ages. It was like everything was off kilter for him. Everything just fell out of alignment, but not apart for him.

Bunnie managed to remain calm...but I could tell she was taking it personally.

Rotor wasn't as good at covering up his distress, either.

But Antoine? Well...someone had to fall completely apart.

So what became of Sally?

"Unnngh..."

"Don't move.  You've had a nasty accident." A voice said in the darkness.

"So...dark...where are...the lights...?"

"Yeah...about that...when I found you...well...your retinas had been flash-burned...I guess by some kind of explosion or something major."

"Are you saying I'm...blind?"

"Whoah, whoah.  Calm down.  I'm sure your eyes will be mondo cool again, in time."

"Mondo...cool?"

"Er...sorry.  I mean you'll be able to see again before you know it, Sa-- ...{I mean...}...says me.  And I always keep my word."

"Right..." Sally reached up and touched the bandages.

"I guess...I'm not going anywhere, huh?"

"You still got two good legs and two good arms.  Though your fancy suit's been making weird noises and flickering a bit..."

"Must've gotten scrambled in the chaff explosion.  It'll reboot on its own, but it'll take time."

"Cool."

Sally sat up, having the strangest feeling.

"Have...we met?"

"......."

"You just seem...to remind me of--"

"No way!  Pretty sure I'd remember someone like you."

"You just sound...so--"

"Yeah I guess I have that kind of way cool voice."

"Who...are you, by the way?"

"Me?  Just a guy who lives for adventure.  I love livin' free and I hate oppression.  Like those buttniks that tried to do you a bogus."

"Do...me a...bogus?"

"Man, don't you speak Common?"

"No...it's not that...it's that...I haven't heard that manner of speaking in a...long time."

"Ehhh...just something I picked up from Ecotropian refugees I saved out here in the badlands--"

"What?  Ecotropians?  Are you sure?  People from m--  ...I mean the fabled city kingdom of Ecotropia?"

"Well...uh..."

"I’m sorry...I just have so many questions."

"Yeah.  Guess so."

"I'm...Sally, by the way.  And you are?"

"My name?  Uh....Juice!  Call me Juice."

A long hesitation. "Juice..." Sally couldn't...remember. It was there and she couldn't grasp it.

"Well...Juice.  is this your home?"

"It's...a home but not my home.  I don't stay in one place for long.  Being tied down...well...that's just mondo uncool, y'know?  I'm like the wind."

The pieces were there...why wasn't she seeing it?

"Hey...now that I think about it...you're kinda famous, aren't you?"

"Me?  Well...I'm...not exactly a nobody but...bragging about who I am or my resume."

"Yeah...you race in that high speed sport that's big in Technopolis, don't you?"

"My...reputation precedes me." Sally rubbed her chin.

"Yeah, you're the champ!  Several times over--"

"Eheh...yeah, I kinda am." Sally arched an eyebrow. "Strange you know about that way out here.  I didn't think anyone in Vorostov territory would give a crap about a high speed powered sport in Technopolis."

"Kind of a fan."

"Oh.  Not sure how you'd see OGPX races out here but--"

"I have my ways."

An awkward silence.

"Listen.  You should probably rest up.  Get your strength back.  I'll try and take care of you the best I can."

Sally lay back down and drifted off. It wasn't long before she was awakened by a scent...the scent of cooking. She knew that scent. The particular scent. And it made her stomach knot.

"Dinner's almost ready."

"It smells...familiar."

"You're gonna love, Sal...ly." The stranger corrected himself abruptly.

"For a moment there...you called me--"

"Whoah!  Timer's going off.  Better get these doggies loaded up before they get overcooked.

"Doggies?"

"My specialty.  Chillidogs!"

"Chilli...dogs...?" Sally's eye was twitching under the bandage.

Good lord. Any food but this.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm...uh...not a big chillidog fan."

"How could I forget..." Juice grumbled.

"Huh?"

"I mean...don't fret!  I'm sure I can whip up something else--"

"No, that's okay.  I'm being rude.  Sorry.  I'm...just having an off day."

"If you're sure."

Sally's face scrunched up as she managed to find the coney on her plate and bring it to her mouth and take a bite.

Her face scrunched up. But she ate in silence until she finished the first one.

"Seconds?"

"Well...hunger is the best spice." Sally shrugged.

"This is too weird.  You remind me of someone......someone I'd never admit I cared about...but...I was always too proud to say it."

"No kidding?"

"Listen to me go on...opening up about past and painful history to a total stranger."

"Hey, we're all strangers to each other when we're born.  It's up to us if we want to make friends with each other or not."

"You have...a really obvious...but effective wisdom to you."

"Imagine me being called wise...I'm gonna remember that...{so I can gloat about it, later.}  Guess you were hungrier than you thought.

"Guess so." Sally tried to withhold the belch.

"Better out than in."

"Yeah, Guess that's true--"

Juice immediately let out a monster burp.

"Oh that's disgusting!"

"Nuh-uh.  Cool." Another burp.

"Double disgusting." Sally protested, hotly; forgetting her tomboyish nature.

"Triple cool!" Came the counter.

"E-equals-M-C-squared DISGUSTING!" Sally was practically yelling...and not even understanding why something like this was getting under her skin.

"A million, billion, trillion, zillion times cool."

"D'oh...you're just like--"  Sally stopped in mid-sentence. "...but...you can't be." She suddenly reciprocated. "..you can't be him.  I...abandoned him and let him...I let him..."

Sally closed her eyes and began to sob. "...I shouldn't have..."

"Hey, hey, hey.  Whoever your friend is, I'm sure that he...or she...they know you didn't do it on purpose."

"You're being too kind to me.  I was too cruel and stubborn to him and...that fire...it's..."

"It's all in the past...whatever it is." That last part seemed tacked on. C'mon. It had to be him.

Sally suddenly reached up and tried touching his face.

"H-hey!  Personal space--"

".........."  Sally's face fell. "You're...not him." She had been thinking it but.

"...sorry."

"No.  I'm sorry.  Sally pulled her hands away.  "I'm sorry I couldn't leave the past where it belonged. And now it's impossible to get the closure I needed. He's...really gone then."

Juice hugged Sally as she accepted the embrace and cried for a bit.

Later that night...

"...you've...been very kind.  But...I've intruded enough." Sally looked at the indicators on her suit. Still not completely up but basic systems were at least some level of functional. "Sorry, Juice.  But I...think saying goodbye would be too painful.  Even for a stranger I just met."

Using just her suit's navigation system, she managed to makeshift the Airrazor mode S.A.N.D.S. gear into something that could use a form of echo location and make the results audible enough to sense her way out of there. Hey, if it worked for Evil-Chara when he gave up his sight...

She wisely left in the cover of night before the hot sun would come up. Trudging all this way in her Overdrive OverTech and BioWare? Even her heat resistance wasn't that great. She was supposed to be in and out with her strike team to diffuse the two factions. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

As more of her suit came online, she found her speed beginning to return. But with it, it became harder for even the echo location to keep up. Light was three times faster than sound, after all. Even still...figuring out which direction was toward Neo Arcadia, and which was toward the Vorostovian colonies that were left after the capital city blew itself out of existence and the motherland broke apart...

Even Sally was more tempted than ever to give up. But that was one thing she didn't do on the track. So why start now?

"Even if it takes the rest of my life...I'm getting out of here.  After that...I don't know......if I can't see...what's left of my career?  How can I even run missions on the handicapped/disabled list?"

"If only it had been true--"  *WHAAAAM*

Sally hit the dirt, face first, the pain in the back of her head exploding.

"We've got unfinished business, little flea."

"Oh...right...going to treat me like the Battle Angel herself, with you being the Franken-cyber with the mod addiction--"  *SMASH*

"Could you please leave my head alone and aim for the gut?  I need the former to, as someone like you would say, make the think happen good."

"Cute.  Real cute.  Well.  Get your wish!  HRRAGH!!!" A boot or two the gut had Sally spiral in the air and collapse onto her back. She rolled over and coughed violently.

"Legs are three time stronger than arms.  Someone like you should have known at least that much, little flea."

"Get some new insults--"  Sally found herself curb stomped to the ground. Then she felt herself grabbed by the hair and dragged over to--

"I'm just about tired of your mouth.  So why don't we plug it with something.  Something like...!" *SPLASH*

Sally's head was force down into the lone puddle of water.

"You know my old man...he had something interesting to tell me about his time in prison...someone who knew you very well.  And your rabbit friend, too."

Red flags went up in Sally's head as she struggled to get free and struggled to come up for air.

"I guess you might say, I'm pulling a Dio Brando with his old man and fulfilling a promise I couldn't give a crap about at the time...but now that I'm here and your life is in my hands?  I'm having a lot of fun and I'm going to milk this as the last favor my old man agreed to.  And I agreed to in turn.  So whatever abominous deity you pray to, know this:   You're going to the afterlife as the final revenge of Vortex Labs' own director."

No. Not that bald, bloated, mustached overstuffed egg with the black spectacle glasses and the goggles perched on his forehead. That no-goodnik, sadistic...!

"And when you're gone...the rest of you are going to follow--"

Sally was losing consciousness as it was hard to keep the water out of her nose and mouth. This was it. This was where it was going to end.

* WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!*  The high-pitched whizzing sound built up moments before the sadistic soldier was plowed into by what he described as a cannon ball going at well past Mach one...feeling more like Mach two."

He tumbled several times, end over end in the dirt and sand before wiping out. His wounds wouldn't kill him, but he'd probably be wishing they had. More importantly he was out like a light.

Sally threw herself up out of the water in a massive splash, gasping for air, lungs crying out.

She got away from the water, dropping to hands and knees and choked up water, attempting to get air into her lungs. She coughed for a good long bit as her bandages shook loose and her eyes fluttered open. Blurry...shapes started to manifest in the darkness...slowly but surely the got clearer and clearer.

As she looked up she saw a gloved hand reach out to her. For a moment she could have sworn she heard someone say "We've gotta stop meeting like this."

"Hey.  You alright?  You almost died there.  You should be more careful, it's dangerous out here."

That voice...and those words. It's impossible...it can't be.

Sally looked up, at the unfamiliar face...then noticed part of the mask torn away and another face underneath it.

"...!"

There was blue. There were white gloves. There were...red and white high-tops.

"Are you...really him...?"

"I've been watching you, Sal.  I know you...weren't exactly an easy friend to get along with...but I know you had your reasons.  You spent all your time being all...what is it that Jangese say...tsundere?  But really...I know you better than anyone.

When the palace came crashing down in flames around us...I didn't even think about being a goner. I was scared that you were. So I got out of there. And...well....ran from Ecotropia and never looked back. Since then...I've...been around. Nobody to call master except for the wind.

When I saw you start living your life...in my steed...living for both of us...even starting to act like me. Well. I was flattered. And...touched. It was...like for the first time you showed you really cared. And now...here you are."

"And...here you are."

"Y'know...it's funny.  After I lost you I...started seeing things through your eyes.  Started picking up books.  Started actually studying.  Stopped leaving whatever room I was using a pig pen.  Started being a little nerdy.  And...it didn't kill me...or change who I am.  It just made me better.  And appreciate you more."

"Oh So--"

"No.  No names.  You've...been honoring that for a long time now.  Really.  I appreciate it." Juice...or rather "that guy" helped Sally to her feet.

"Your sight's coming back.  Kept my promise, didn't I?" He offered a pinky finger.

Sally curled her own pinky finger around his, sealing the pinky swear.

"Yeah.  You did.  I can almost see you clearly now.  But...tell me the truth.  What...what now?"

"I think you know that."

"You're not staying.  Of course you're not staying.  This isn't...exactly how I thought it would be.  I thought I'd be the nonchalant one for a chance...not melting down back to my old self."

"Hey.  If we can't be our own selves around each other...they why try so hard to be someone else?"

"Your...logic makes sense."

"That a girl, Sal.  That a girl."

"Well."

"Well....gotta juice! Take care now."

"You, too." And that was all Sally got out before the blue blur burned a path all over the wasteland to parts unknown.

It was at that time our transport chopper landed and my crew and I, with Asriel got things under control.

"Sally!" Asriel bearhugged. "You gave us a scare."

"I scared myself for a while.  But I'm back."

"Yeah."

"Are you...crying, Sally-chan?" Bunnie raised an eyebrow...a moment before. "I see.  I understand."

Sally nodded as the blanket was wrapped around her and she was led up the ramp where medical personnel was standing by.

At the same time, Sarge herself, Arlene W. Pinball was personally leading Sally's assailant away in wrist and leg manacles. He glared daggers though us all. Didn't matter. He was going to pay for his war crimes. If he was smart he'd give up the names of those in his squad. If not...Brooke would have his way with him.

"So.  Now you have closure, old friend."

"Yes.  I was right.  He was alive all along.  And he's still out there."

"I believe you." Bunnie nodded.

"Well.  I guess...I have the rest of my life to decide where to go from here."

"Indeed.  Let us return home."

As the transport took off, a lone blue-quilled figure stood in the sand, grasping the full-headed mask in one hand.

His blue jeans and white shirt completed the match of his shoes, gloves, and quills.

"Take care, Sal.  Stay way, way past cool." He said as he waggled his index finger with a wink in a pretty tell-tale pose. "Hasta la vista, mee-stah."

And then he was up, over and gone.

From the transport ship...

"You too......Sonic.  Stay way, way past cool.  And...I'll be waiting to meet again.  This time the way I dreamed it."

Sub-Entry 319: "Stone By Day, Warriors By Night, Ultra Crew Institute Joins Their Flight":
Of all the wealthy businessmen I'd dealt with over the years, I learned to avoid getting involved in anything funded by, sponsored by, or merely had, all-over, the fingerprints of one David Xanatos.

For one thing...more often than not it involved magic, sorcery, and superstition. Things that was outside of my area of expertise and comfort zone. And when it wasn't it usually involved mad science, tech, or anything that would barely get a slap on the wrist from the scientific communities of Renalia and Appra. I'm sure some of it was even prominent in Mainland, but enough about shady corporations and such.

If you said that this man unleashed millennium-old myths of Scottish legend into our world, a lot of my fellow scientists would laugh you out of the room.

Well. It was true.

This would be where a prophecy came in. And by now it's common knowledge how I feel about prophecies.

A.E.O.N. came up with this when I dusted this old file off:

In the year 994, the Gargoyle clan lived in a castle in Scotland. Most were betrayed and killed by humans and the remainder were magically cursed to sleep—i.e., be frozen in stone form—until the castle "rises above the clouds."

A millennium later, in 1994, billionaire David Xanatos purchased the gargoyles' castle, and has it reconstructed atop his New York skyscraper, the Eyrie Building, thus awakening Goliath and the remainder of his clan.

While trying to adjust to their new world, they would be aided by a sympathetic female police officer, Elisa Maza, and quickly came into conflict with the plotting Xanatos. It was a long and winding tale of adapting to modern New York life while contending with ancient supernatural threats that intruded upon present times.

This actually have some relevance on our world. As I've mentioned before... yes. Yes gargoyles exist in Miranda City as well as on the Earth AU in question. They are the ones who are stone by day, warriors by night. They are protectors. That is their way.

So. Who were Goliath and his clan? Apparently in 994 A.D. Goliath was the only one given a name at the time. So when reawakened, his clan chose names for themselves. Here's the rundown of who's who:

Goliath. The leader of the Manhattan Clan. Goliath is named for the Biblical giant by the people of Castle Wyvern because of his stature at 6 ft. 10 in. (208 cm) and a weight of 400 lbs. (181 kg). Big boy. Stoic. Bold. A force of nature if you dared provoke him.

Hudson. An Elder and former leader of the Wyvern Clan. He now serves as an advisor to Goliath and the rest of the Manhattan Clan. Hudson took his name from the river after Elisa explained almost everything has a name. The only one of them that carried a weapon, per say if memory serves. Your basic grumpy grandpa with a heart of gold and plenty of wisdom to spare.

Brooklyn. – The rufous-skinned, white-haired Brooklyn serves as the clan's second-in-command with a somewhat sarcastic and impetuous attitude but has a talent for tactics. Brooklyn is named for the New York borough. He harbors bitter hatred against the previously mentioned one who I'll get to soon enough. Nothing stings like being tricked into doing dirty work that you would never agree to if you'd been told the truth.

Lexington. The smallest of the clan and a technical wizard. Lexington is named from the avenue, which itself gained that name in 1836. He'd harbor his own bitter hatred against the future Mrs. Xanatos. Though there would be some reconciling later. Unlike the other Manhattan Clan gargoyles, Lexington's wings do not exist as fully "separate" limbs, but instead consist of membranes that are webbed to his arms with one extra set of "limbs" halfway down within the webbing, which allow him to glide like a flying squirrel. I can't wait to introduce him to Gadget.

Broadway. Overweight and good-natured. Broadway is named for the street. Broadway has developed a strong dislike of guns and a great appreciation for old movies (particularly detective ones), as well as a newfound and rapidly developing appreciation for reading and literary works. Yeah. he's a big goof who learned some harsh lessons the resulted from his naivety.

Angela. The daughter...the BIOLOGICAL daughter of Goliath and...well, spoilers. She was raised on Avalon like a human, thus making her more willing to trust others. She was a late addition to the Manhattan clan. Angela is so named because of her angelic nature, Angela literally meaning "She-Angel". She...doesn't tolerate nick-names for her.

And Bronx. A dog-like gargoyle beast. Bronx is named for the New York borough. He often stays with Hudson within the clan's residence, keeping him company while watching television.

"Hmm."

There were other clans all across the globe, but they're not my concern at the moment. As for their human allies...

Detective Elisa Maza just happened to be a friend of our own Bunnie Rabbotou. Though how they know each other...how they met? Neither have disclosed. Or for that matter how and when either of them were even off world before Arcade Industries even gave Bunnie access to our Cybergates at the time.

"Well, Commander...sora wa himitsu desu."

Well that's convenient. And a bit daunting to my curiosity.

"You enjoy that, don't you?"

A brief smirk before BAMFING out of existence.

Back on task...

Matt Bluestone. A Jewish American and a Detective Sergeant in the NYPD. He was a former FBI agent who was assigned to be Elisa's partner after the shooting incident...see Broadway's earlier description and put the pieces together from that. The NYPD 23rd Precinct's Captain, Maria Chavez, thought it was too dangerous for Elisa to be working on her own after she was shot, and assigned Bluestone as her new partner so that she would have someone covering her back—despite Elisa's adamant protests that she did not need a partner. Bluestone is a big believer in conspiracy theories, especially the Illuminati. He was one of the few humans who were friends with the Manhattan Clan. The Illuminati were impressed enough with Matt persistence that they made him a member; ironically, this works in his favor in trying to expose them.

Yeah. He and Rotor would have much to talk about.

There are many, many more people and such to include in this dossier but if I were to do that? Yeah...this entry wouldn't end any time soon. So let's just leave off with the descriptions of the "main's" of this world.

Back on topic. My own personal experiences with Xanatos more than tried my patience. But he wasn't the only one I'd learn to watch me and my other UCIAT members' backs around. He'd awakened someone far more dangerous that would become the greatest of threats.

However much time had passed, and a lot of change had come and gone in Manhattan since Xanatos awakened them on a whim. Layers upon layers of drama had unfolded in both past and "present" (relative to this world's current time period).

Some enemies remained a threat. Some became allies. And the lore just expanded--delving into everything from Shakespeare’s works to the legend of King Arthur to Egyptian lore connecting to Anubis...and so on...and so on. Avalon had sent our heroes across the world in those respects. Who knew so many countries had their own connections to gargoyles? Okay, London wasn't that much of a surprise...but Japan and Guatemala?

"Volt?  Can you wrap up your mission log exposition?  We're about to arrive."

"Sorry, Goat Son.  Scientist in me tends to go overboard on details."

"Maza-Tanei." Bunnie bowed. She was good at human disguises even without the use of a Unitrix. Even I didn't know how she did it. Lulu even admitted she could pull of an amazing Viera disguise, to boot.

"Glad to have you back in the big apple, Bunnie.  The old beat's not the same without you."

"One would hardly believe you were ever a solo act with a glowing vote of confidence like that."

"Don't spread it around."

"Detective Maza." I waved.

"Dr. Arcade.  Have to say it's a pleasure to have a scientist that I don't want to bust for ethics violations."

"Ethics is kind of my jam." I shrugged. "Let me introduce the others.  "My adopted little sister, Gadget."

"Oh, like the cartoon inspector with the--"

"Yeah.  Haven't heard that one before."

Gadget just giggled.

"You already know Pit.  Figured I'd bring an actual flier, considering..." I winked.

"After everything I've seen, angels are probably the most believable thing I've come across on my list of things you don't see every day."

"And this is Asriel.  Relatively new to the team and my best friend, understudy, and...my day job partner."

"Maza-Tanei.  It's getting to be dusk.  We do not want to leave them waiting after they awaken."

I grumbled. "I still feel like I have lingering issues every time we have to deal with Mr. X."

"I have the same sentiment.  Can't blame me after..." Elisa looked like she was trying to keep her temper under control.

A dark silence ensued. Gadget and Asriel both looked at me with pleading eyes and curiosity. I shook my head.

"How...is Derek-san?" Bunnie asked hesitantly.

"He goes by Talon, now.   Leads the Mutates Clan.  He and Maggie Reed..." Elisa didn't finish. I knew what she meant. I couldn't help but smile at the chemistry. As someone once put it...love at first flight. Okay maybe it didn't QUITE happen that way but...I'm going to stop talking now.

I nodded, confirming the story. Pit didn't respond but...Asriel caught on that he knew what we weren't telling them as well.

"Violet has taken an interest in what Dingo's been up to since bonding with Matrix."

"There is...too much to catch up on." Bunnie finally intervene.

"Agreed.  We're burning daylight." Elisa conceded. "Might as well not put off the unpleasant reunion before we get to the pleasant ones."

"You took the words right out of my mouth."

"Is this Xanatos really that bad?" Asriel raised an eyebrow.

"I suppose he is doing better." I admitted, rolling my eyes. "But if you had first met him, you'd make the comparison to Lex Luthor."

"Oh.  Um...Legion of Doom Luthor or slimy businessman Luthor?"

"Yes." I simply said, implying both.

"But I guess fatherhood changes you to an extent.

"The same could be said for Fox." Bunnie crossed her arms, bowing her head, eyes closed in a Goemon Ishikawa manner.

Asriel looked at me, confused. I could practically see the image in his head of a certain Star Fox pilot with the last name McCloud.

"Different Fox.  It's her nickname....stage name.   Whatever.  Real name: Janine Renard-Xanatos.  I’d rather not talk about her father, Halcyon and the whole thing with Cyberbiotics.  And her mother, Anastasia?  That's a whoooole different can of worms."

Really. If I delved into the family tree and explained Oberon and all connected? This would get far more unbelievable than it already is.

"Let's just go, already."

"Patience, Volt." Azzy was kidding but he wasn't wrong.

And sure enough at the Eyrie building.

The door of the insanely-large skyscraper opened and greeting us was none other than Owen Burnette, Xanatos' servant. Or as Violet (and another) described as the "most wooden man alive"...more so than a certain actor who played Neo in the Matrix movies. Her words, not mine.

It was hard not to stare at the length of his arm that had been permanently turned to stone due to a botched spell that Mr. X and wife could have almost been victim of.

"Mr. Xanatos has been expecting you, Detective.  And your...acquaintances."

Asriel shuddered a bit...but I think it was faked as a subtle way of telling me it was the reception that was cold. Not the room temperature.

"You should make haste in order to be in time for their awakening."

"Well if you want I could speed up the elevators a little...if your boss doesn't mind sending me the repair bill, afterward."

That was definitely a friendly jab to Mr. Xanatos.

"That would be ill advised.  It is in your best interest not to strain uneasy alliances."

"Have it your way." I shrugged. "By the way...uh...let your better half know that the magic show would be as equally ill-advised.  Uneasy alliances are a two-way street."

"I remind my..."better half" is restricted to using his powers for the purpose of training or protecting the young master, Alexander."

"Noted." I headed to the elevator with the others.

"What was that all about?" Asriel asked.

"That 'butler' is no ordinary butler.  Not to give too much away but his alter ego in a magic battle with Kid the Cat would be...something to see.  Something very chaotic to see.  Do you believe in trickster fairies?  Let's just say...Avalon does not show favor for those who show favor to mortals."

"Are you going to speak this vaguely about everything?"

"If I were to tell you things straight out, you'd have a major information overload.  There's too much to just put out all in the open.  But as a former magical-creature, I'm sure one day when I can tell you everything, you'll appreciate the wait and the payoff."

"Deep."

"Golly..." Gadget blinked.

The ride up was uneventful but only increased my tension as we all got a good view of the city from the glass elevator...too good for some of us; it was doing nothing for my fear of heights.

The doors opened, and we stepped out...and looked up at the stone Scottish castle.

The sun was going down.

"C'mon.  Let's get top-side."

"Aren't we already?" Gadget asked.

"Of the castle."

"Oh yeah!  Why didn't I think of that."

Delightfully a-dork-able, ladies and gentlemen.

It was climb, that was for sure, but we eventually made it to the top of the ramparts...or...whatever you call the perch of a Scottish castle.

"Yikes!" Gadget started to hide behind me before she realized.

"Huh..." She tapped the stone figure.

"Only a stone statue."

"For now.  When that sun finally sets, things are going to be interesting."

"Indeed, Commander."

In all there were several stone gargoyles, encircling the tower, with the largest, perched on the very top; the others surrounding.

"I'm actually pretty used to it." Pit shrugged.

"Right.  The whole Medusa thing." I mused. "Well, you're about to see the effect in reverse..."

And the last rays of sunlight disappeared as I urged everyone else to stand back.

And then it happened. Cracks in the stone started to form as a magic light poured out. Pieces of the stone crumbled away, first from the eyes, revealing the bright monstrous glow underneath. And with it, more and more of the stone shell broke away as something underneath came to life.

"Whoah!" Asriel's eyes widened.

Bunnie remained stoic, arms crossed, headband trails, fluttering in the slight wind. Gadget hid behind me.

Eventually the whole shell crumbled to rubble as Goliath stood erect from his previous Thinker pose; raising both fists to the sky with a mighty roar.

And one by one the other gargoyles sprung to life.

"Elisa." Goliath's previously dour expression brightened quite a bit. I'd almost suggest...heck with it, I was outright saying there was a romance between him and Detective Maza. And pretty much confirmed with the embrace.

I didn't want to interrupt the moment but..."

I cleared my throat. "Been a while, big guy."

"Volt Arcade."

"Hey, Doc." Brooklyn gave the most nonchalant of mini-salutes.

"Dr. Arcade!" Lexington was all eager to join me. "I was starting to think you wouldn't come back after--"

"Yeah...after..."

"Some history, young one, should stay tucked away in the past." Hudson advised. "Welcome back to our humble home, dear doctor."

"Always a pleasure."

"Dude!  Tell me you brought something to eat!"

"Maybe if you're on your best behavior, Bunnie might  have something up her sleeve.

"Your confidence speaks volumes, Commander.  But you are not wrong."

"We have more guests this time around." Angela looked on.

Bronx quickly zeroed in on Pit and about knocked him down before smothering him in affection.

"Hey!  That tickles!  You're getting me all wet!  Okay!  Okay!  Down, boy!  Down!  I missed you too!"

"Friends of yours?"

"Family in some cases." I replied petting Gadget on the head. She splayed her ears with a giggle.

"And best friends in others." I looked to Asriel who waved rather calmly with a big smile.

"My little sister, Gadget.  And my new understudy and partner, Asriel."

Introductions went up, banter and a little TV watching in the residence by the "trio" of the clan (Brooklyn, Broadway, and Lexington). While Angela and Goliath got us caught up to speed on what had transpired.

But I was a little distracted by something in the city below...or rather something missing from it. I zoomed in with my Scanner Visor and sighed as I made out the scaffolding.

"You miss the old clocktower do you not?" Hudson asked.

"As a time-traveler, part of me wants to take it personally.  It was her fault, you know."

"Do not pick at a scar or it will never heal, my boy."

"I know...I guess it's  just that I of all people know what betrayal feels like as much as anyone in this castle."

"So.  Are we going to patrol the city for her?" Brooklyn asked.

"At the very least we should at least patrol the city as normal." Lexington agreed.

"Mind if some of us join you in that night flight?" Pit asked.

"Technically we don't fly.  We glide." Lexington corrected.

"Well now I feel like my best friend and my little sister are going to make you guys jealous."

I forged the electromagnetic wings that I hadn't used since the Providence mission. Granted I STILL didn't like skydiving. But maybe Asriel unlocking the Bravery virtue was just inspiring me to put my personal junk in my trunk.

"Shame that Mr. X has other matters to attend to."

"That may be so...but don't forget that Mr. and Mrs. X are always watching." A voice suddenly spoke behind me. I sighed but didn't turn around.

"Come to see us off, Ja--"

"It's Fox."

"Right.  Only daddy dearest gets to call you Janine.  Fine with me.  Makes it easier to keep track of another red-head I know with the same name."

Weak jab, Volt. But weaker that you name dropped Ms. Melnitz.

"You sure can hold a grudge, can't you?"

"I'm still giving no quarter for the Halloween incident."

"Now, now.  Odin got his precious eye back.   Let's not dig up old mishaps with all powerful artifacts, now."

I turned around, arms crossed, facing the smirking form of Fox. And the first thing that anyone would zero-in on was the insignia of her old Bounty Hunter group, the Pack tattooed over her eye. It was always off-putting to me. Then again...I just never liked tattoos. At all.

"Still not budging on that, huh?"

"Does this answer your question?" I morphed.

"Rub it in.  Please.  I can take it.  But can you?"

I sighed and reciprocated, knowing this was pointless.

"Just a bad dream...he said." I looked in the direction below us I presumed David Xanatos' office was.

"What was that?"

"Never mind." I shook my head. "Fine.  I will acknowledge that motherhood has improved you as well.  But forgive me if I'm still on edge around both you and the man of the house."

"I can take it if you can."

I finally noticed her cradling baby Alexander.

"For you?  I'll be nice around your mommy." I waved a pinky finger a little. A soft laugh and a coo.

"Tell the man of the house we dropped by.  But uh..tell him not to get any ideas.  I know he's given up the whole ruling the world shtick, but I just always feel like I'm never getting the full picture from him."

"Message received and will deliver."

"The man of the hour not going to greet us with his presence?" Brooklyn mused; sarcasm implied.

"Nope.  Too busy making money and stuff." I let Fox return downstairs to of course report to her husband.

"I know that you and Pit have your ways of taking to the air, but what about...?" Lexington started before Gadget fiddled with her backpack...and deployed an upgrade to her makeshift bat-wings. Seemed she really increased the wingspan and the building materials...but they were still cobbled together from recyclables.

"Wow...do they work?"

"Sure!"

"In simulations." I reminded, still worried about letting my little sister put her aviator skills to the test in a way I still considered reckless.

"His might be even more impressive." I pointed to Asriel setting up the NX board.

"I have my own method." Bunnie was quickly clad in her ninja kite suit.

"And for the rest of us who don't have wings, expensive squirrel suits, or weird off world alien technology?"

"I thought you would never ask." Goliath extended a hand.

Elisa climbed up into his arms.

The rest of us all divided up into our factions and spread out from the castle and descended upon the city; gliding or flying over it.

"I believe the two of us will be sitting this one out.  A night in front of the television sounds more inviting." Hudson made his way into the castle residence where electrical wiring and such had been installed over time to allow modern conveniences.

And so we each had our own adventures.

Lexington paired off with Gadget.

Brooklyn stuck with Bunnie.

I accompanied Goliath and Elisa.

Pit promised to keep Broadway out of trouble.

Which left Asriel paired up with Angela.

Seemed like it was a quiet night...well...by New York standards.

I'd learn much about what happened during what Violet would later jokingly call the "Goliath Chronicles".

For one thing...it was no longer an issue of being seen by the very humans they'd sworn to protect. After explaining the train incident, I got a much clearer view of how much this world had changed since I'd last visited.

I'd also learn of everything that led up to it. Including where the Hunters had destroyed the Clocktower to the founding of the Quarrymen, tasked with searching and destroying gargoyles like some sort of poachers. And everything that followed up to the train trap in which the Quarrymen dared to endanger innocent humans in order to eliminate the Gargoyles at all costs.

I should have been there at least to contain the fallout and do damage control after losing the clocktower. What surprised me was that this was where I officially considered Xanatos retired as a villain. The least he could do was return the Manhattan Clan's ancestral home--the Castle--to them. And while I'd forever remain on edge around him, Fox, and Owen...I'd never openly admit that from what information about that peace offering eventually did get back to me...I'd finally learned to respect them.

"Hmmm..." I pondered as I glided through the night sky with Goliath.

Had I known then that they would be revealed to the public and initially demonized, I would have never let S.T.C. recall me. Furthermore, I would have asked my former UCIAT to continue without me.

"You do not need to feel guilt over what happened, my friend.  Some things were beyond our foresight as well as our control."

"He's right, you know.  You spread yourselves too thin and you won't be able to help anybody let alone everybody."

Listen to the gargoyle and the cop, Volt.

During the course of the night, each of us had his and/or her own experiences. But as for a mission or anything? Not so much. As it turned out...when all was said and done, there was no conflict to diffuse, no clash with Chaopolis to be had, and heck...barely even a mugging or purse-snatching to stop. It all amounted to a reunion with old friends.

"We'd better head back." Asriel advised.

The rest of us were thinking the same thing and headed back to the Castle. Sunrise was coming.

We'd gotten to know each other and had our own dynamics to play off of. But in the end it just didn't really amount to anything exciting. Just info-gathering and banter. And maybe Bunnie enjoying a jar of jalapenos with Broadway.

The clan perched in their spots and said their goodbyes to us before striking their "sleeping" poses.

"Until we meet again, my friends."

"Yeah.  Next time I'll bring Sally and Lupe.  Maybe we'll finally find her."

All this time I'd been avoiding the name so...might was well explain the traitor.

She called herself Demona. She was once Goliath's beloved. And she was also Angela's biological mother.

But...her own series of betrayals and lies had greatly darkened her heart. She swore revenge and genocide on the humans that she had once sworn to protect.

Her actions led her to becoming the Manhattan Clan's sworn enemy. And further complications down the road involving a magic spell; unlike the other gargoyles? By day's light, she would transform into a human--the very thing she detested. For her millennia worth of atrocities, it was a fitting punishment. I'd also explain the near-immortality and her connection to the former king of Scotland, Macbeth...yes, THAT Macbeth...another time.

Before I get too off topic, with the sun rapidly rising, I'd vowed that every time my allies and I came down here, we'd assist in the search for their fallen one and put a stop to whatever she was plotting in order to take her revenge.

At morning broke, Goliath and company froze in place, their color draining and their forms hardening into stone.

Elisa headed back home to sleep it off only to wake up in time for the night shift, again.

As for us? We headed back home.

Another adventure would surely await us in the future.

Sub-Entry 320: "Mutant Megamix":
One thing the period of various 1980's Earth AU's never shortchanged the Space-Time Continuum on was genetically-enhanced or modified anthropomorphic beings. Colloquially known then as mutants. I'm not talking about humans that shoot lasers out of their eyes and have adamantium-grafted skeletons that only a super healing factor can withstand. No, I mean half-animal/half-human hybrids that most of my team and I can at least relate to on some level.

But like the video game crash of 1983, there was always the danger of imitation being the sincest form of flattery. And that would lead to oversaturation. In other words...too many spinoffs, knockoffs, and one-offs that this InfinityVerse could handle. To the point that eventually it goes out of style...like bell-bottoms, mullets, and boy bands.

While I jest to a degree, there is someone serious side to this when you consider our UltraVerse AU is constantly expanding. And to the King of Crossovers this presents an inevitable situation, you might have already figured out by this point. In the vernacular...what happens when they ALL collide?

In the words of a popular meme couplet: "Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover off all time." Followed IMMEDIATELY by "Hold my beer..."

So of course Chaopolis stirred up trouble. While I more or less expected them to bring this fight to a populated area for innocents to get caught in the crossfire...that was the one thing that DIDN'T happen. In fact...it almost seemed like Adonis was taking it easy on us.

Well...almost. Why do I say almost? That would have largely to do with the fact that he definitely opened the floodgates compared to what he stirred up with the Thundercat AU's and the Transformers AU's. Don't get me wrong both were cumbersome and brought one too many worlds together.

"TURTLES FIGHT WITH HONOR!"

Enter the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 1987 edition--

"It's NINJA TIME!"

...er...and 2003 edition--

"BOOYAKASHA!"

Annnnd...2012 edition.

Now I know what you're thinking. The 2018-19 edition is inbound right?

Well, let's just say it is and leave it at that.

Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo. Make up the group with one other fellow--Raphael. And in the latest edition, he actually IS the leader of the group, transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop.

"Oh boy." I looked on with Azzy at my side.

"At least it's in a nexus that we can manage."

"Well, let's get down there and get things sorted out before Turtles Forever 2.0 gets out of hand--"

I probably shouldn't have spoken too soon because it wasn't just turtles we'd be dealing.

"Uh...Volt?  Are those two sets of Punk Frogs with the Battletoads?"

Attila the Frog, Genghis Frog, Rasputin the Mad Frog, and Napoleon Bonafrog. The 80's editions had been described as Florida country "bumpkins". The latter seemed to take inspiration from their historical counterparts...well except for Napoleon who might as well be wearing a shirt that reads "Vote for Pedro".

"Uhh...*scoff*...IDIOTS..."

And of course Zits, Rash and Pimple. Otherwise known in their mild-manner-human selves as Morgan Ziegler, Dave Shar, and George Pie.

"Oh that is so unfair.  I didn't even really jinx it."

And low and behold more and more Cybergates were opening up accompanied by Adonis' laughter.

I sighed.

"He's really enjoying himself this time."

So who else joined the fray? Well...they bite, they fight, they kick some serious fin. Yeah. It's the street sharks.

Four brothers--John "Ripster" Bolton, Clint "Jab" Bolton, Robert/Bobby "Streex" Bolton Jr., and Coop "Big Slammu" Bolton. Respectively; inventor, boxer with a lazy streak, level-headed ladies-man, and the youngest but strongest one to summarize. Four brothers who were gene-slammed by mad scientist, Dr. Luther "Piranoid" Paradigm and vowed to stop him from mutating all of Fission City.

And where Street Sharks tore up the streets? Bound to follow were their offshoots, the Extreme Dinosaurs. Dubbed the Dino-Vengers--T-Bone, Stegz, Spike, Hard Rock, and Bullzeye (Tyranosaurus, Stegosaurus, Tricerotops, Anklylosaurus, and Pterodon, respectively). Transformed by extradimensional supercriminal, Argor Zardok and his group of warriors known as the Raptors whose goal was to cause global warming and make the planet Earth suitable for dinosaurs once again.

But it didn't stop there. While the list WAS mainly half-animal, half-humans? The title of this did say Mutant Megamix. And I guess hideously deformed creatures of superhuman-size-and-strength fit the bill. Especially since one of them was the fusion of a guard dog and a weary hobo. Enter the following heroes:

Melvin "Toxie" Junko. Former wimpy janitor at a health club transformed into said hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength.

Test pilot, "No-zone.  The result of flying into a silo full of radioactive pepper.  Partly fused with his crop-duster airplane and gaining the mother of all schnozolas (and sneezes that pack a WHALLOP).

Major Disaster. A soldier who fell into a radioactive swamp and gained the power to control plants.

Head-Banger. The result of mad scientist Dr. Bender (also blacklisted from Neo Arcadia's science community for...reasons) and Fender--a clueless surfer beach bum with the job of singing telegram boy (jeeze, are singing telegrams really still a thing?) being fused together after both falling into an atom-smasher. A two-headed body split down the middle between opposing personalities that do not get along.

And Junkyard. Said fusion of a weary hobo and a security dog. Cross-mutated after lightning struck the dog's toxic waste-covered kennel.

"Good grief.  This is unreal, Volt!"

"And getting out of hand!"

By now the mutants joining the fray had gone from mainstream to obscure including the likes of the Pre-Teen Dirty-Gene Kung Fu Kangaroos, the Power Pachyderms...and yes...even the Cheetah Men from Violet's simulation used to torment Evil-Chara made the scene. It was getting really crowded by this point.

"I don't get it.  What's Adonis hoping to accomplish with this?"

That was when the red Cyber Gate opened up in the sky and I recognized the container that feel out.

"That..." I snarled, angrily. "Get the heck back and don't touch or breathe that!

We got to cover.

"What did he do?!"

"That's the hate plague from the TransFormers universe!  He's going to start a MAJOR RUMBLE!"

"What?  Hate plague?"

"Exactly what it sounds like...whatever comes to mind, it's probably understated.

I grabbed Asriel and power jumped as far away, across the floating chunks of mountain and asteroid pieces as we could get and still see the action.

And it didn't take long for the plague to take effect.

"HEY!  Watch where you're going, you NERD!"

"Who are you calling nerd, BLIMP?"

And from there it became a domino effect until everyone was in each other's face and into said major rumble.

"Oh no..."

From the cyber portal I could hear Equinox's taunting voice.

"That's right, peace-loving fools!  But this is only phase one!  Phase two happens when I open the way for the Anthrocide Society to march in from your world.  It'll be like shooting ducks in a barrel for them.  Alright filled with hate and anger, when they're infected, too, they'll go completely bat spit insane with rage and bring that rage back to your Miranda City!  It's GENIUS!"

"Dammit, Adonis..." I snarled.

"I take it that plague is really contagious even after the stuff has evaporated?"

"Infinitesimally contagious.  That's why it's called a plague.  It affects ALL life.  Not just Transformers."

"That's low...even for him." Asriel frowned. "How do we even begin to stop this if we can't touch anyone, can't even be breathed on, can't even look at someone without getting infected?"

"Tch...there is no easy answer for this.   But there is an answer."

"You said this plague was used on the Transformers.  How did they stop it?"

"Optimus Prime went into the Matrix of Leadership and sought answers."

"Did he find them?"

"Not in words but...if there was an answer it was buried deep in the Matrix.  Their culmination of eons of wisdom and experience."

Asriel frowned.

"We're in a situation that if we leave the battlefield, we run the risk that Adonis will move, unchecked.  He could open portals to this nexus and siphon all these corrupted heroes onto anywhere in the UltraVerse...and spread this plague."

"And it's not like we can actually physically stop them.  Staying on this world, we run the risk we'll be spotted and infected, ourselves.  It's a pretty tight catch-22." I agreed.

"One that gets uglier when you think about how else its bad...we split up and one of us goes to find Optimus Prime...the other could be infected.  And neither one of us wants to lose the other."

"Dr. Equinox put us in nasty situation.  Surprised Adonis gave him another chance after the Silverhawks, and Eagle Riders plot failed."

"What do we do, then?!" Seeing Asriel without answers when I didn't have any really sealed it.

But I think that was right about the point Lady Destiny came through for us and brought forth...

"Whoah!"

"Hey.  Were just thinking about you." I mused at the timing as his shadow engulfed both of us, easily."

On the battlefield.

"There's only room for one team of turtles in this universe.  And it ain't you sets of knockoffs!"

I'd lost track of which Raphael was delivering the line, but yeah...pretty sure it wasn't the 87 version. He'd have been more likely to deliver a sarcastic one-liner than a threat.

"The Cheetah Men will help you...to an early grave!"

"Okay!  I'm mad!  And now I'm going to mop the floor with you...using an actual mop!"

"You punks ain't jaw-some!"

I took a step back as I noticed the battle was starting to spread our way.

"Okay, Optimus...let her rip." I stood my ground.

"And I got just the song to cue up." Asriel clicked on the MP3 player he had added to his bracer (well...Violet added it) and cued up Stan Bush's "The Touch".

Asriel braced as Prime pulled open his chest cavity, revealing the Matrix of Leadership inside.

"Now...light our darkest hour!"

The tower of bright light poured out, straight up...and the diameter of the beam started swelling until it engulfed not only us but everything in its path.

"What the--!"

"Oh crap!"

"Mommy!!!!"

The corrupted heroes were too much in a panic. Some tried to get away. But no one was spared from the light of the Matrix.

"You got the Touch!  You got the Powerrrrrrrrrrrr!" Asriel's voice echoed as one by one, everyone was swallowed up.

And before long.

"Whoah...that's a major painkiller there!  I feel like a new turtle."

"Yeah, dude.  what were we so mad about in the first place."

"Don't know.  But what say we get a pizza!"

"Booyakasha!"

"Cowabunga!

"It's working, Asriel!  Prime did it!"

"Oh, but he's not done yet...I say we drop off a little more than Equinox bargained for."

"Ohhhhh yeeeeah." I hacked open the Cyber Gate before it could close all the way in the sky.

"Special delivery!"

The Matrix shaft of light started to leak into the gateway.

"OH NO!!!" Equinox's eyes pentupled.

"Well then...it seems, doctor, your punishment is nigh.  Good luck with that now." Adonis escaped, dragging Evil-Chara with him. "By the way...this outpost and your research staff are now decommissioned, and your funding terminated.  Have a nice day...and after that hits...I'm sure you will!"

"No!  You can't leave me to the mercy of the Matrix of Leadership!  You can't let me become one of those law-abiding fools upholding order!  What about the chaos!  What about the empire of misery and despair!  Hate-crimes and discrimination!  We were going to spread so much intolerance and bigotry to the world!  We were going to upset the status quo!   We were going to unbalance everything!"

"Oh we still are...or rather...I still am.  You're just not part of the plan anymore." Adonis closed the gate behind him as Equinox's lab filled with light.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The light faded and the gate closed.

"Thanks again, Optimus Prime...by the way...I'm liking the new look." I grinned at the familiar white paint scheme with No-Ghost logos.

"I've had a chance to confer with Ectronymous.  He had much to report on about this Gozer the Gozerian."

"Yeah...when more turns up, don't hesitate to call us." I nodded.

"Til' are one."

"Til' all are one, big man." Asriel shared the daintiest of fist-bumps with the much-much larger fist of Prime before he transformed and rolled off into the Global Space Bridge portal.

"Hey, Volt.  If we catch up to the group down there, maybe we can tag along for a pizza."

"Oh, you."

As we commenced with the meet and greet, we recognized even more familiar faces from our recent past. The Tiger-Sharks were among those chatting it up with the Street Sharks.

The C.O.W. Boys of Moo Mesa were there, too. I picked out our favorite Mighty Ducks. Yeah...pretty much every anthro was here.

"This was some kind of megamix, wasn't it, Volt."

"You said it.  It's a party and every anthro is invited.  Let's get our pizza party on and take this to a more hospitable world!  One we don't have to worry about freaking out the human population, am I right?"

"Right as rain, Volt.  Right as rain.

CRYPTOSMASHER LOGOFF.

END TRANSMISSION...

PLDN Chapter 33

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